Ask The Director

More on Christmas & Remembrance

2011-12-20T16:40:00.001-05:00

Two weeks ago, we shared about a dozen tips on the journey through the Christmas season in grief. Since then, more readers have shared their thoughts – and in an effort to provide more support for readers who are facing the holidays while still feeling the pain of loss, we offer the following tips from others who have made a similar journey.

A friend named Salva shared the following thought: Christmas is always a melancholy time for me; happy times mixed with missing loved ones who have gone on. I am helped by remembering the meaning of the holiday. Christmas is about the birth of hope; a promise to help us through. God bless us everyone.

Cindy D. shared the story of her loss during the Christmas holiday: My dad passed away December 23 1999. Needless to say, Christmas wasn't very merry that year. He went to bed at night, all was well, mom found him the next morning in bed. We always found comfort in the fact that he was home in his own bed all covered up on a cold winter morning. What a blessing for him. I have lost both parents and I think what helps me, is to talk about them and to remember all of our wonderful memories. I am fortunate to have wonderful memories of them both.

Jennifer E. reminds us that we are human, and that its okay to be emotional: There is nothing wrong with a good old fashion cry! Sometimes just getting it out your system helps you deal with the loss and pain. It helps us remember, that good or bad, all these moments make us who we are and are just part of experiencing life. The memories we create in the years of loving someone are well worth the immediate grief we feel when losing them. Slight change in an old saying...it's better to have lost someone we love, then to have never loved at all.

Rebecca C. also experienced the loss of a parent at Christmas: My mother died 2 days before Christmas in 1980. First acknowledge that sadness is normal during the holiday and give yourself permission to feel it and have a good cry. In the first few years it helped to talk to someone else who loved her to share memories and praying for strength. Doing something good for someone else helped- working on Christmas for mothers of young children so they could be off, for example. I always wear her ring the entire month of December to honor her memory. My husband and children are especially kind if I am grumpy at this time. It has been many years now and I feel some sadness but time is healing and sad memory has been filled with many happy ones.

Marlene D. navigates the holidays by rethinking her loss as Heaven's gain: My grandmother, who was the center of our Christmas...died in December. Rather than making it a maudlin time, I chose to look at is as God took her so that on Christ's birthday we would also be celebrating the time of year Grandma joined her Heavenly Father. I believe it's a choice of how one handles any loss. I am blessed to have known her and to have been loved by her and thank God for my blessed memories of her.

Jane G. also shares the anniversary of a loss with Christmas: My mother passed away, unexpectedly, after midnight on December 23rd,1969. She had started a traditional family get together on Christmas Eve many years before, which concluded with our going to the midnight candlelight service at the Methodist Church. I continued with this tradition for many years thereafter, and our family still enjoys the midnight candlelight service. Keeping a tradition created by a loved one I feel brings comfort to all those involved.

We are grateful for those who have shared the story of their losses so close to the holiday season. I'm reminded of the hope that was highlighted in some of the comments above that we really do celebrate Christmas as a means of victory over death. Without the birth of a Savior, we certainly couldn’t have Easter. As we sing Christmas Carols this weekend, do make it a point to sing aloud the closing of the third verse of Hark The Herald Angel's Sing –

Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Peace to you and yours this Christmas and throughout the coming new year.

Columnist Brian Hanner is certified in Thanatology by the Association for Death Education and Counseling. He and his wife own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of Dover and New Philadelphia Ohio.

Hope for the Holidays

2011-12-03T13:19:00.003-05:00

December is upon us, and a cold snap has finally set into the Tuscarawas Valley. Inside our homes though, we're busily preparing for the Christmas season.

For many families, who experience the loss of a loved one during the year, the joy we felt in previous seasons has evolved. When we taste the bitterness of loss, sometimes, the anticipation of the holiday season turns to dread.

If you are facing the season with uncertainty, you are not alone. Late last week, in anticipation of this column, I asked the Facebook community to share some of their experiences in how they dealt with the season when we're supposed to feel joyful, but inside, were feeling anything but joyful.

As you read the comments below, may it lesson the feelings of loneliness that you may be experiencing. May their words bring the comfort of their experience. You aren't the first to feel not-so-hot about the season. It was C.S. Lewis who wrote that "a grief shared is a grief diminished."

And if you have insights to share, we welcome your input too as we will provide a special holiday edition of Ask The Director with more comments and thoughts just in time for Christmas Weekend.

Cathy R. writes: We lost Mom right after Christmas on the 29th of December. It will be 5 years this year. Holiday's are always tough - especially Christmas. Knowing how much Mom loved the Christmas season, we always gather as a family and talk about her and Dad and all the things they did for all of us. Although there are a lot of tears, there is much laughter too. The memories are something we carry in our hearts! Talking and being with the family is a blessing for all of us.

Lisa S. writes: My mother tries to keep the spirit of the holidays alive by giving each of her children and grandchildren a gift that either reminds us of our loved ones lost or was something of theirs that she has held onto. It is a great reminder of how they may be looking over us and in turn gives us strength.

Linda B. shares: My kids and my Church family help me through the holidays. There is a lot to be said about keeping the Christmas traditions alive....especially for the children. Tears can be healing. Keeping some old traditions is okay, but adding new ones is okay too.

Dixie D. told of how she remembers loved ones: I kept a small table top tree that was my mom's and my boys and I decorate it with small wood ornaments, and flags, etc. in honor of my mom and dad. We have a special evening of Christmas music, and hot chocolate, and talk about the memories of grandma and grandpa.

Alan F. contributed: My son and I hung ornaments for his twin sister. We include Madison in everything we do, knowing she walks with us. As a man of faith, picturing her in Heaven gives me a smile and a sense of peace during the holidays, and all the time really.

Mary Ann O. passed along a tip that was helpful to her: Keep a candle lit over the holidays in memory of that special someone.

Mel A. also uses candlelight: At every holiday family get together my sister in law and I light our candles with my Mother's picture on it from Geib Funeral Home. It gives us a warm feeling that she is with all of us. We never forget how much she loved being with her family. Christmas was Mom's favorite holiday. Every year my candle sits lighted on the mantel where she is a part of our celebration. This will be our sixth holiday without her… it's just never the same...but we celebrate just as she would want us to.

Steve B. uses a cartoon to provide prospective: I feel a bit negative at Christmas. Always pressure with time, expectations, and finances; so I find that I become a bit of "the Grinch." So every year I make it a point to watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" - both the classic and newer version now; and try to emotionally engage in the process of transformation. I've got some hard memories of early life experiences that monkey with me at Christmas, and it seems like letting myself be a child and return to things that brought me joy as a child, is the most effective way of lifting my own spirits. I'm 51 and I still tear up when the Grinch's heart grows 3 sizes and he experiences the transformative power of love. And on that score Dr. Suess and the Gospels come to pretty close agreement. I want to be a person filled with enough love to share it joyfully.

Marty W. added these tips he uses: 1) Acknowledge the emotion, I'm sad or I'm lonely or I miss this person/people. Then allow yourself to have the emotion and not resist it. The emotion likely will last longer if you resist or hide it. 2) So that you don't dwell on it for extended periods of time, set a time limit. 'I'm going to be X about this for the next Y minutes.' and then evaluate my feelings at the end to see if I need longer. 3) Schedule your emotions. On this day, at this time, I'm going to spend X time thinking about this event and I'll have whatever emotion comes up. 4) For the seemingly random times that emotions come up where you're reminded of someone, take time out and talk to the person in your head.

We're grateful for these who have shared how they continue to make the holidays a time of significance in their families. If you'd like to share your helpful hints with other readers, feel free to e-mail your thoughts to me at bhanner@geibfuneral.com or send them in an old fashioned letter to my attention at 116 Second Street NE New Philadelphia OH 44663. We'll include more in two weeks.

In the interim, consider this your invitation to join us for our annual Holiday Service of Hope and Remembrance – open to all who wish to participate. There are two services to choose from to best accommodate even the busiest schedule. The first is this Saturday, December 10 at 2:30 PM in the Linn-Hert-Geib Funeral Home at New Philadelphia. Each guest lights a candle, hears a meditation and beautiful music. Families also receive a keepsake Christmas ornament featuring their loved one's name.

If you prefer to join us next week, we host a similar program on Saturday, December 17 at 2:30 in the Geib Funeral Center at Dover. Reservations are not necessary, but always welcome to allow us to best plan for seating. Call 330. 343.5506 for more information.

Columnist Brian Hanner is certified in Thanatology by the Association for Death Education and Counseling. He and his wife own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of Dover and New Philadelphia Ohio.

2011-10-11T16:15:00.004-04:00

"Has the gift of a hand-written sympathy note become a lost art?" – This question was posed to me by a family member while reviewing options for her relative's online memorial site. "I don't use the internet, and I've not ever sent e-mail, but I don't think it would make me feel as good as if I had a letter come in the mailbox" she continued.

In this modern era, where I sit and type on a keyboard connected to a screen, which formats the message perfectly, and corrects mis spelt wurds, I admit to a preference for communicating electronically.

Perhaps it is another disconnect between generations of people taught beautiful penmanship and those born in the digital age, where cursive handwriting isn’t emphasized in the meaningful way it was a few decades back. We may never get to make everyone happy with how we communicate, but there are several options for people to express sympathy:

While I've heard recipients say "oh, you shouldn't have" – when gifts of flowers are made, it remains the nicest lie ever told. Seeing the smile on a recipients face, and yes, even the sentimental tear of appreciation does have meaning. "They just die" – is one objection that I hear when I hear a person speak to a preference for memorial contributions instead of flowers – but I'll politely remind you that we too die, and thankfully, we have a whole bunch of goodwill to express before we ourselves start to fade and wilt.

Gifts of food are almost always appreciated by the bereaved. But sometimes, there can be too much at once. A timely gift of food may mean that you promise to bring dinner, or better yet, host dinner for a bereaved family.

The gift of certainty in ongoing nourishment in a time of uncertainty does wonders for a family. Don't overlook considerations for portion size. A ten pound roast or crock pot full of noodles may be too much for a small family. Dietary considerations should be made as well. If the household has a vegetarian, you may have to get creative. Comfort food is usually loaded with stuff the experts tell us to avoid, so an alternative meal may be just the right thing.

Memorial gifts come to mind as an effective way of making sure a bereaved person feels the kindness and affection of others. I always favor doing something local with memorial gifts. The memorial tree program at The Wilderness Center is a favorite – as it gives families a tangible place to go and see a living memorial to their loved one.

Gifts to churches, hospice and local organizations can enable the deceased's legacy and connection to continue at that place into the future.

With the phenomenon of Facebook, where we connect with people in real time, condolence messages and memorial pages are evolving. I would suggest a private message to a person expressing care and concern instead of a general "wall post" expressing sympathy – especially if word of the death of a loved one has not yet reached all who should be told in person.

Facebook has many good uses. Time will tell if you and I can do less harm than good using it in delicate situations.

Hand-written notes of condolence are always appropriate, and in the case of our friend introduced at the top of the column, preferred. In our busy society, they are increasingly rare, but made all the more valuable and thereby worthy of your consideration.

Many would-be authors are at a loss for words when it comes to writing such a note. I suggest sharing a story, or experience that you had with the deceased that stands out as meaningful. Share how you will remember the deceased, and instead of offering help, state how you want to help and promise to follow up in a few days or weeks after the funeral.

Finally, our presence at services or visitations is a precious gift. There is a great deal of emotional heavy lifting to be done at a service, and the load is made all the lighter by a group of people in attendance, sharing the loss, and marking it with their presence.

Enjoy the best that autumn has to offer as mother nature herself shows us the certainty of change.

Brian Hanner answers "Ask The Director" questions for the The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is certified in Thanatology by the Association for Death Education and Counseling. He serves as Chairman of the Geib Funeral Homes and Crematories of Dover and New Philadelphia.

Send your questions, comments and feedback to: bhanner@geibfuneral.com

2011-06-03T10:39:00.002-04:00

---Hero's Welcome Homecoming Update---

Lance Corporal Peter Clore will be brought home today. He will be flown into Akron Canton Airport at 3 p.m. where he will be greeted by his loving family. The Homecoming procession will leave the airport and travel south on I-77 until they reach the 416 exit where they will get off and turn left (North) onto Broadway. The procession will through the center of town, turn right (East) onto Fair Avenue, and turn right (South) onto 2nd St. NE where the Dignified Transfer Ceremony will be conducted at the Linn-Hert-Geib Funeral Home. The community is encouraged to stand along the route to honor this fallen soldier and his family. Expected time of arrival into New Philadelphia is 3:45 p.m.

Oh The Places They'll Someday Go

2011-03-31T08:52:00.005-04:00

Question: "My mother and father want to be cremated, but are not clear on what should be done with their ashes. My dad wants some of his at the Veteran's cemetery, but isn't certain of the costs or whether my mom can be there too. Any information you are able to provide would be helpful." – Daughter with Questions.

Dear Daughter – I am glad to know that you and your parents are discussing their final arrangements. The conversation you are having with your parents can only be made stronger with a little clarity.

First – though, allow me to share some insight on cremated remains. I hear people use the word "ashes" to describe what is left of the body following cremation. I assure you that what remains is not ashes. The yield from the cremation process is actually bone fragments. – These fragments vary in size from tiny specs on the tip of a pin head to some masses the length of a new pencil, and the breadth of an inch. These remains are very brittle in nature after being subjected to the intense heat of the crematory.

Long ago – these remains were placed in an ossuary – a bone box – for lack of a better word. To accommodate the placement of these bone fragments into urns, cremationists began pulverizing these remains so they more efficiently fit into small containers. Today, pulverization is accomplished mechanically, and the yield is a fine granular powder – but certainly not ashlike. This powder-like yield of the skeletal system can be easily placed in urns of all sizes, even added to small custom made jewelry, or other memorials. The typical yield of cremated remains weighs between five and eight pounds.

I share this with you because I believe that some people mistakenly believe that the consistency of a cremated body resembles that which is in the bottom of our fireplace at home, or bonfire pit at our favorite gathering place. The color and consistency are all together different – and because the fire is no less dignified than the grave, I believe that we are best served not using the word "ashes" to describe the body after it is cremated.

In terms of planning for what happens to the cremated remains of your parents – your father will be pleased to know that the Western Reserve National Cemetery offers both traditional interment of urns on cemetery grounds – or the placement of urns into niches, which are small catacombs designed to hold urns similar to that of a mausoleum for caskets.

National Cemeteries provide the grave or niche, and the subsequent opening and closing of the graves without cost, as well as a complimentary cemetery grave liner, which they require if a casket in to be interred in the cemetery.

The placement of a bronze plaque or niche plate (suitable for those cremation sized niches)- identifying the name, date of birth and death as well as the rank, war and special citations earned by the deceased, is also provided without cost. These benefits are extended beyond the individual veteran to his or her spouse, and in certain special instances, their dependents.

Please don't hesitate to contact me at my office if you have further questions regarding cremation, and how best to plan for the future.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers your "Ask The Director" questions twice monthly on the pages of The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is a Certified Thanatologist by the Association for Death Education and Counseling and a licensed funeral director and operator of the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover, Ohio. Share feedback with Hanner by email at bhanner@geibfuneral.com

Remembering a Valentine

2011-02-11T10:05:00.000-05:00

"It has been two years since my wife died," wrote a recent reader. "While there is always something in the paper about grief for the holidays, the most difficult day for me is just around the corner. Valentine's Day was our special day. Now it's dreadfully lonely."

-Thank you for sharing your thoughts – you are correct – many of us who provide continuing care for the bereaved are dialed into the awareness and needs of the grieving during the holiday season from Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years – largely because the grief experience is so widely shared through many relationships. In addition to you mourning a spouse, others in the family are mourning a mother, grandmother, a sister, and maybe a daughter during those holidays.

Valentine's Day can feel lonely in a way not unlike the commemoration of a wedding anniversary. While all of the heart candy, red roses, romantic music, and high expectations laid upon us by the commercial interests– it can only deepen the feelings of distance between the life you once held with your wife, and the one you lead today.

I suggest that you take the time between now and Valentine's Day to plan on doing something special as a way of discovering a new way to maintain a connection to your loved one. Dr. Robert Neimeyer's emerging model of coping with loss has less to do with distancing one's self from connections with the deceased, recognizing that many of the familiar ways of maintaining a connection have gone away, Neimeyer instead suggests that we find strength in moving forward as we discover a new and meaningful ways to be connected to the deceased.

How does this apply as we approach Valentine's Day? Consider the following suggestions:

Prepare a meal for yourself and some invited friends, neighbors or family to spend time together. The noted author C. S. Lewis writes that a "grief shared is a grief diminished" – and spending time with others usually helps to moderate emotions. Better yet – prepare this meal using a favorite recipe from your loved one's cookbook. A new – and meaningful connection – that can be shared with your company.

Visit the cemetery or special place that you have set aside to reflect in solitude. Reading a card, verse or poem aloud to your loved one still gives you the benefit of reading it, and therefore presenting it.

Light a candle and focus upon the light that it gives out – and even to a smaller degree the heat that is generated by that flame. Place that candle in a special place – near a photograph, or at the table where it can symbolically represent your feelings for the deceased.

Take time out to give back – or pay it forward. Hand written notes to people whom you admire, or to whom you appreciate for good deeds done – will help lift your spirits. Take an opportunity to volunteer as well. If you need specific direction in where to dedicate your time, feel free to call our office – many on our staff volunteer regularly and can connect you to an organization that will perfectly fit your gifts and talents into meaningful work.

We observe Valentine's Day to honor a martyred saint who defied the Roman Emperor's ban on marriage (Claudius II thought married men made poor soldiers so he put a stop to all weddings). Committed couples still found their way to a priest with the last name of Valentine – who performed ceremonies in secret.

Thankfully, we've come a long way since marriage was banned, and professing our love for one another was only in secret – and thanks to our memories – we are able to love as long as we live. Remember well this Valentine's Day, and on special days throughout the year.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers your "Ask The Director" questions on the pages of The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is a Certified Thanatologist by the Association for Death Education and Counseling, is a licensed funeral director and with his wife, operates the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of New Phila and Dover Share feedback with Hanner by email at bhanner@geibfuneral.com

Giving Thanks for Blessings in 2010

2010-11-20T16:07:00.002-05:00

Over the Hill and Through the Woods – I never thought they'd be coming to my house. – This year, Anne and I will be preparing Thanksgiving for 12 – including our kidders, our three living grandmothers – both of her parents, and neighbors.

We'll be thankful for many things on what I have long considered my favorite holiday. They haven’t figured out how to commercialize it yet – and thankfully – for now at least, all of the shopping for Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving.

If the events of 2010 don't present you with a multitude of reasons to be thankful – I offer the following:

On the national scene - there are two stories that lead me to cut out the articles from the paper and save them in a scrapbook for my children to see when they are older. The first was the ingenuity and hard work of all of those who helped respond to the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

From our best and brightest engineers and technicians who worked to plug the pipe at the seabed to the thousands who took part in the cleanup process along the coasts, it is safe to say that the human response to a man made problem inspired and encouraged us.

Thirty-three Chilean miners spent sixty-nine days trapped deep underground, and from day one, thousands of people went to work to provide them support, nourishment and encouragement while design teams went to work on a rescue plan.

Not since I was a little boy watching events unfold on the TV from Midland, Texas, when baby Jessica McClure was rescued from a well, do I recall such pause in world activities for prayer and such joy as when the rescues were successful.

Closer to home, we're grateful for new school facilities in Strasburg, the latest local beneficiary of the Ohio School Facilities Commission plan to modernize school facilities. We've seen construction crews come and go from the Tuscarawas Avenue Bridge and the I-77, County Road 80 interchange on Dover's north end.

A group of local Veterans were surprised to find no representation of Tuscarawas County on the memorial path at Western Reserve National Cemetery. In a matter of months they have arranged to erect a monument there on Armed Forces Day, Saturday, May 21, 2011. These men and women have already given so much themselves, we're grateful for their example.

Many people are working tirelessly to see to it that Twin City Hospital remains a viable part of our Twin City community. After the emergency department abruptly closed, a generous benefactor emerged, and ensured that the emergency department would remain open.

2010 has been an interesting year for small businesses. Our company is not immune to the challenges of other small businesses, but I am especially thankful for my wife's ingenuity. When we decided to reduce our advertising budget in the phone book, she took those dollars and put them to use in a program we call the Geib Giveback.

Together with Amy Smith of WJER, Anne planned on donating $25 for each touchdown scored by the Dover and New Philadelphia high school football teams, to school related groups. The result is that more than $2,500 of contributions have been made to organizations from elementary parent-teacher groups to band boosters. We're delighted to re-invest these dollars locally, and neither of us mind not mailing a monthly check to some Chicago post office box for a bold in the yellow pages.

There are a lot of people lending their talents to area organizations. When you see a bell-ringer for the Salvation Army – or a volunteer coach at the YMCA, or poll-worker putting in a fifteen hour day to help you vote close to home, please reach out and thank him or her.

In serving families, we work together with a multitude of public servants –from the men and women who maintain and administer area cemeteries, those in law enforcement who help us navigate funeral processions to the cemetery safely, to those in churches who seek to minister to the bereaved. Our community is a better place for each of their contributions.

A number of wonderful community leaders went to heaven this year. We're thankful for the leadership and public service of people like the Rev. Willie Sherrell, Jim Reifenschneider, Jesse Sandy, Dick Demuth, Doris Godfrey, Russ Geisinger, Vern Mason, Vince Coniglio, Soapy Albert, Ken Courtright, Wheaties Andrews, Ray Eichel, Lou Clark and Max Miller. Some of these community servants gave their time, others gave their talents of leadership and visionary management, some left endowments to enrich future generations. All of them have given us an example of personal sacrifice for the benefit of the greater good.

We do well to remember each of them, and express gratitude and Thanksgiving for their gifts.

See you in December.

Brian Hanner is a board licensed Ohio funeral director and a Certified Thanatologist by the Association of Death Education and Counseling. He and his wife, Anne, own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover, Ohio. Share feedback or questions with Brian via e-mail at bhanner@geibfuneral.com

A Teacher Graduates

2010-07-08T20:46:00.004-04:00

In my years as a funeral director, I've come to know many of our local church leaders.

We work together in the planning and executing of funeral services, in their church homes or in ours, and we usually share a ride together between the site of the ceremony and the cemetery.

During those rides, conversation varies in topic and length, but I've come to count on getting an education from one local religious leader who is due to retire this month.

Monsignor George J. Schlegel who, after nearly 17 years at Sacred Heart Catholic Church, and 44 years as a priest, has a well earned retirement only months after observing his 70th birthday.

I recognize that there is some risk in writing about one pastor upon his retirement but I admit regret in not recognizing the retirements of some other pastoral gems in our community, including Terry Kidd from the Nazarene Church, the late Steve Daniels from Dover's St. Johns United Church of Christ, and our friend Mark Trotter, who was called to continue his ministry in the Columbus area from New Philadelphia's First Baptist Church.

A mentor of mine once reminded me that "There's never a bad time to do the right thing" and thus, I hope you'll permit me to share a few thoughts about Monsignor Schlegel.

I grew up in New Philadelphia's First United Methodist Church, and one day, I suspect that they'll carry my casket out the doors of that church and to the cemetery. Despite the best efforts of my family, I was no good at Sunday School. I missed a lot about church history.

And so, when Monsignor Schlegel and I had a few minutes together following the committal service at the cemetery and on the way back to the church, I was treated to a session of "everything you ever wanted to know about Church – but were afraid to ask".

I went from a mysterious observation of the Catholic Church to an appreciation for the traditions, reverence, and meaning of the music, readings, and actions of the local church parishes.

In a word, Monsignor Schlegel is a learned man.

I say so because he could speak without notes on just about any Saint, especially those whom he thought had become overshadowed by St. Valentine or St. Patrick, as I came to appreciate on one particular journey from the cemetery.

In another word, I'll remember Monsignor as a man of compassion.

Shortly after becoming a funeral director, I received a telephone call from a local hospital. A baby had been born prematurely, stillborn, and unwanted by her parents. The baby had been given no name, and there would be no effort by the family to claim her for burial.

At the suggestion of Rich Geib II, I telephoned Monsignor Schlegel who was his usual pleasant self on the telephone. He offered to donate a grave for use in St. Elizabeth's Cemetery at Roswell.

We donated a casket and our services and at the designated hour of the designated day, Monsignor Schlegel and I rode together to Roswell, where he proceeded to officiate a graveside committal service for the baby girl he declared that day would be named Mary. As I stood on the hilltop that day, my appreciation for his vocation was sealed.

It isn't easy being a priest today.

Hospitals no longer release information about members of a congregation who are admitted or discharged, so many church offices are reliant upon hearing from family or friends of an illness or imminent death.

Highly publicized scandals in other parts of the country cast an undeserved portrayal of the lives of innocent and honorable priests.

Longstanding church rules dictate what can and cannot be done in church. Although somehow, Father Schlegel always managed to accommodate the family who wanted the Lutheran minister to say a few words at the funeral mass, or permit cousin Tommy, who was a priest from a far away community to celebrate mass.

In a third and final word, Monsignor Schlegel has epitomized what it means to be unassuming.

Learned

Compassionate

Unassuming

That's how I'll remember Monsignor Schlegel.

It is said that when a person passes away, it is like having a library burn to the ground.

Thankfully, Father Schlegel is merely relocating his "permanent collection" of knowledge a bit closer to Columbus, and his reference desk, I suspect, will still kindly answer the telephone and have ready the most complete answer to a question you or I could think possible.

Please join me in wishing Father Schlegel a long, healthy and happy retirement.

Memorial Day Observances for 2010

2010-05-26T15:49:00.002-04:00

Memorial Day 2010 is here – and as in years past, we dedicate this column to bringing together readers and ceremonies that commemorate Memorial Day.

This year marks the 142nd anniversary of the general order issued by General John A. Logan, Commander-In-Chief of the Grand Army of the Republic (the Union Army) to set aside a day “for the purpose of strewing with flowers or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, (now known as the Civil War) and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village, hamlet and church-yard in the land."

"In this observance no form of ceremony is prescribed, but posts and comrades will in their own way arrange such fitting services and testimonials of respect as circumstances may permit.”

In New Philadelphia, Linus Kilchenman, commander of VFW Post # 1445 says that this year's observance will step off from First Christian Church at 10:45 and process eastward to the Tuscarawas County Courthouse, where, amidst the monuments on the front plaza, readings of Flanders Fields and The Gettysburg Address will be recited by area students.

Prayers and military honors will be rendered and flags are distributed to many of those in attendance. The brief walk from the church to the courthouse dictates that the ceremony will begin at 11AM at the courthouse.

Please feel free to make use of the funeral home's parking lot on Second and East High Avenue – and join members of the Geib Family & Staff who will attend the event to pay homage to those who have paid the ultimate price for their country.

An impressive commemoration is also planned at Dover, where organizer Jim Kneubuehl of the American Legion shared that the Memorial Day parade will step off from City Hall at 10 AM – and process east on Third Street before turning North on Walnut Street and heading up to Maple Grove Cemetery where ceremonies are held at the burial site of dozens of hero's who died while serving their country.

The keynote speaker at the Dover observance is retired Lieutenant Colonel Richard Ray of the United States Air Force, and an alumnus of Dover High School. Well known community servant Roy Crawford, will serve as Master of Ceremonies, a roll he has held for as many years as I have attended the event. In the event of rain, the event is usually held in Memorial Hall.

True to General Logan's order of 1868, observances are held in communities of every size, including the following local villages:

A Parade forms at 9:30 Monday morning in Roswell, stepping off from the former St. Elizabeth’s Catholic Church, and processing to the village park in time for a commemoration service in the park at 10.

Over the hill in Midvale, services commence at 11 AM on the site of the village honor roll, at the square just off of East State Street.

In Strasburg, a parade forms at the Village Hall leaving at 10 and processing up Bodmer Avenue to Grandview Union Cemetery and the site of Strasburg's honor roll.

Up the road a bit in Bolivar, a procession steps off at 10 AM from the Tusky Valley Middle School, and makes its way to Fort Laurens Cemetery for a memorial day service.

Just to the east in Zoar, an 8:30 procession is planned from the fire station to the cemetery where a commemoration service is planned.

While I normally ask very little of regular readers of this column, I hope that you make a commitment to attend one of these ceremonies – better yet – take a friend or two to attend with you as well.

I promise, that the investment of your time will be rewarded many times over in the appreciation you'll find in the eyes of those men and women who served our country, and the family members of those who gave their lives in military service

My late grandmother told me of a time when she was a little gal, in the late 1930’s the last surviving civil war veterans paraded into Fair Street Cemetery for a ceremony held at the groundskeepers building.

Later, the Avenue of Flags at East Avenue Cemetery, would attract thousands of visitors over the Memorial Day holiday. Families of veterans donated their loved one’s casket flag for use on poles positioned around the cemetery in a corridor of red, white and blue.

Today, all that remains of those traditions are the simple ceremonies outlined above, and the placement of nearly 12,000 flags atop the graves of deceased veterans – for one day – for one cause, still as noble as it was when first declared by General Logan – to decorate the graves of those who gave their lives that freedom night live.

This Monday, let the grass cutting go for another day. Postpone the picnic until later. Don't tee off… until you've taken the time to remember those who have served, and paid with their lives.

God Bless those who grieve the loss of a loved one this Memorial Day.

God Bless those who serve and who have served in the military.

God Bless the United States of America.

Natural burial becomes an alternative to return to the earth

2010-05-22T11:30:00.000-04:00

Natural burial becomes an alternative to return to the earth

Interest growing in family cemeteries.

2010-05-14T15:49:00.005-04:00

With the recent death of a well-regarded farm owner and businessman who was laid to rest on his family farm, inquiries regarding the establishment of family cemeteries have outnumbered every other topic in the Ask The Director mailbox this month.

The flag-draped casket of Mr. Vernon Mason was carried from the gate of his farm by friends from the neighboring Amish communiy on a horse drawn caisson.

Once atop the hill overlooking the Broadrun Dairy Valley, family and friends gather for a final committal service.

Most of the funeral cortege walked behind the caisson to the gravesite.

First, we'll examine the legalities of burial at home, and then take some time to cover some of the practical considerations you and your family should consider before deciding to form a family cemetery.

The Ohio Department of Commerce requires that every cemetery in Ohio be registered with its Division of Real Estate, unless there have been no interments in the past 25 years, or, the cemetery is considered a private family cemetery.

Ohio Revised Code 4767.02 defines a family cemetery as one "containing the human remains of persons, at least three-fourths of whom have a common ancestor or who are the spouse or adopted child of a common ancestor". Thus family cemeteries do not require registration with the Ohio Department of Commerce.

Because zoning in most cities and villages have rules prohibiting burial of the dead within a village or city outside of a dedicated cemetery, it is important to note that the establishment of family cemeteries will not be an option for readers who don't own property in the country.

In townships, where property owners have a right to burial on private property, trustees are vested through Ohio Revised Code 517.10 with the joint responsibility of care of cemeteries within their township, and therefore, can establish rules and regulations for family cemeteries within the township. Trustees have little liability while a family maintains the cemetery, but ultimately assume all liability when a family caretaker ceases to exist.

If you are considering establishment of a family cemetery, you would be wise to contact your funeral director, who can advise you of the regulations for establishment of a family cemetery in your specific township.

Many townships require the use of a burial vault in a family cemetery, because of the likelihood for a family cemetery to become abandoned over the long term. Once abandoned, trustees may remove the vaults and re-inter them in existing township cemeteries.

Townships also usually require a family cemetery to be fenced, clearly marking the boundary of burial grounds. One township in southern Tuscarawas County even specifies concrete columns for marking the boundaries of family cemeteries.

Funeral directors are required to notify the township of burials in family cemeteries by providing the trustees with a burial-transit permit issued by the local health department stating the name, date of death, date of interment, and cause of death. Trustees must retain the permit as part of their cemetery records.

When considering whether or not to establish a family cemetery, families would do well to consider the following:

Is it likely that the family will continue to own the land surrounding the cemetery in the long term? If the answer is no, then it might not be practical to consider such an option. The sale of land would likely be hindered by the responsibility for care and maintenance of the cemetery.

In counties that have experienced urban sprawl, many townships are vacating long-abandoned family cemeteries, removing the graves to a larger township cemetery, and reducing the township's expense in maintaining a cemetery abandoned by a family that no longer owns the land upon which the cemetery was established.

Will access to a proposed family cemetery be possible for descendants if the land surrounding it is no longer owned by family members? Some townships require that a family establishing a cemetery also provide a public right of way to the cemetery to ensure access, as an obscure law in Ohio Revised Code, 517.02, requires a township to provide a public road to any cemetery in the township when petitioned to do so by 25 "interested" persons.

In many ways burial at home in a family cemetery is not unlike the practices of our early ancestors – who made gravesites on the tallest hills of their homelands. In the words of one funeral director friend of mine – who has a cottage in the woods where he likes to spend time.. "I told my kids that when I die, I want to follow the rules of golf – If I die while in the woods – play the ball where it lies – and bury me there too".

Brian Hanner answers "Ask The Director" in The Bargain Hunter every other week. Hanner and his wife, Anne Geib Hanner own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in New Philadelphia and Dover, Ohio. Send your questions via e-mail at bhanner at geibfuneral dot com.

Take a PASS on "The Funeral Preplanning Guide"

2010-03-18T15:14:00.008-04:00

With increasing regularity, an author or publisher requests a review and endorsement for a new book or publication related to end of life issues.

Such is the case this month with author Miri Rossitto and her two-volume "The Funeral Preplanning Guide". I received an advance copy of her work this week.

The attractive cover reminded me of the many families who have found comfort in gathering with others who grieve a loss. Pictured in darkness are four candles – showing warmth, and presumably, a shared experience.

Unfortunately, the author spends little time addressing the needs of the mourning or presenting ideas on meaningful gatherings.

Instead, she misses an opportunity to provide guidance for her readers, and does more harm than the good she could have done by doing some simple factchecking.

For instance:

Volume 1, page 17; Ms. Rossitto correctly notes that most Americans still choose a "traditional" funeral with burial in a cemetery, and goes on to enumerate the reasons people make such a decision. She concludes her remarks on the topic stating that "still others choose traditional burial because they want to their body to remain whole for as long as possible."

This statement is contrary to reality, as not a single individual of the more than three thousand I have served has ever cited their desire to be buried as a means of preserving themselves for eternity.

The fact is, that there is no amount of modern preparation by embalming, and no material type of casket that can guarantee a "whole body" without the effects of time yielding to decomposition.

Any funeral director, death educator, and yes, even author, owes the public an accurate portrayal of events that occur following death.

Ms. Rossitto continues on the very next page, suggesting that some people want to be cremated for environmental reasons.

My mother-in-law Jenny is the leading environmentalist in our family.

She has lead crusades on recycling, has turned her front yard (designating signs and all) into a nature preserve, and won't allow her neighbors to touch the leaves collecting in her yard – as they are all providing nutrients to the soil she reverently maintains.

She walks all over town, and when she must, Jenny gets into her Honda hybrid and eco- trecks to her out of town appointments.

I'm concerned that my mother-in-law would haunt me if, upon her death, we take her to our crematory and begin a process that drives off the natural elements of her body using 1,880,000 BTU's per hour of natural gas, thus turning solids into gasses releasing them into the atmosphere.

Cremation my friends, isn't environmentally friendly, after all.

Suggesting that it is, or suggesting that people choose it for environmental purposes, is irresponsible.

My advice to readers is to steer clear of this book.

If it is given to you as a gift, the best thing to do is to recycle the paper.

Don't even consider passing it along, as the author stacks inconsistencies so high, that she risks an avalanche of disappointment:

Page 39 produces a chart of disposition options, including the "free" proposition of body donation.

Ms. Rossitto fails to point out that only about 1/3 of our American population will ever be eligible to have one's body donated for scientific dissection. Medical schools regularly reject bodies that are too tall, too obese, too emaciated, too long decomposed, or too badly disfigured by trauma.

Check into body donation ahead of time as most medical schools require pre-registration for their medical program.

Those considering body donation would be wise to carefully study just how your body may be used "in the name of science" as one Ohio State University project used cadavers in place of crash-test-dummies to study the effects of dropping one's body from different elevations.

Most donors do not have this type of use in mind when signing up for medical donation.

One final point of contention is the suggestion that green burials are costing families less than other forms of burial, cremation or disposition.

The author recommends allocating a budget of about three thousand dollars for green burial expenses.

Ohio's only nature preserve cemetery won't even open a grave for this budgeted amount– contemplating the purchase price of a grave, and the time to open it with a track hoe (that's right, not the "green, dug-by-hand" proposition many expect for a green burial).

In addition to green cemetery expenses, a family choosing green burial will like still encounter costs related to storage of the body until arrangements for burial can be made and transportation from the place of death to the cemetery.

As an approved member of the Green Burial Council, we serve well those who seek an environmentally responsible disposition.

My experience is that the cost of a green burial is not necessarily less than that of conventional burial.

Just as the purchase of organic goods at the grocery store come at a premium, Green Burial Council approved embalming fluid does indeed cost about twice the price of the traditional, mass produced chemical injection embalming fluid.

I extend an invitation to Ms. Rossitto to contact us before she publishes her next guide to helping families. We welcome the opportunity to educate people about their options to ensure that wise decisions are made without the cloud of urgent, hasty decisions that sometimes lead to regret.

Abraham Lincoln said it best "You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today." - Pre planning with your family remains one of the most thoughtful gifts you can provide; a roadmap to the future, at the exact moment they will not be able to ask you a question, they will discover that you've provided an answer.

It's that cool.

(I've seen the look of relief on the faces of family members when I share the good news that mom took the time to put her affairs in order).

Go ahead – investigate your choices related to planning your farewell.

Just be sure that any research you do is actually fact-checked, instead of irresponsibly passing along information without credibly vetting the source. We wish Ms. Rossitto better luck in her next project, and stand ready to assist her as we would anyone, in demystifying end of life decisions.

Brian Hanner is a board licensed Ohio funeral director and a Certified Thanatologist by the Association of Death Education and Counseling. He and his wife, Anne, own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover, Ohio.

A European Funeral Services Guide

2010-03-13T10:58:00.001-05:00

Funeral Services Guide is a comprehensive guide which provides services for in life planning, a
arranging a funeral, remembrance and coping with bereavement.

Link URL:
http://www.funeralservicesguide.com

We thought you might just enjoy taking a look at funeral service organizations on the other side of the Atlantic.

Questions from a future funeral professional

2010-02-18T09:15:00.003-05:00

Mr. Hanner,

My name is Victoria and I am a freshman at an Ohio college, working my way slowly into mortuary school with the goal of ultimately becoming a Funeral Director and Embalmer. I am writing to ask you how you handle funerals for newborns, infants, and children. The reason I am asking, is that I am working part time in a funeral home in Cleveland, and we have had several of these types of funerals since I have been working there, and every time I assist the director with them, I seem to get very depressed and find it hard to cope with the thought that young infants and children can die.

In talking to other directors, they question whether or not this is the profession for me, but I know that in my heart, this is what I want to do. So, my question is, how do you and the staff of your funeral home handle these type of services? Does the uneasiness and pain that I'm feeling for the parents when a funeral home gets one of these calls go away as you get more involved with the business day to day? What do you do to help get over these cases, since you have young children of your own?

I would completely understand if you don't want to post this as a blog, or even answer it. It's not something that most people are worrying about, especially if they've just had a baby, and it's healthy, but I am curious on what you would do in my position.

Thanks very much for your answer.

Victoria (last name withheld for privacy)

Hello Victoria – Despite the topic, it is always refreshing to learn that there are more young energetic caregivers discovering the rewarding ministry that funeral service ought to be.

To answer your question – we donate the services for young children and infants who we are called upon to serve. Despite the best efforts of the Gerber Life Grow Up Plan – most families do not invest in life insurance for their children, and somehow, funeral expenses just are not anticipated by most young families. Moreover though, Thomas Lynch, a funeral director and author himself, captured in his book The Undertaking, the most compelling reason that most funeral directors don't charge for providing services for young families; "our way of bargaining with God to spare our own families from such a horrific loss".

In your profession, I encourage you to focus not upon the person who died, but instead intently focus upon those who survive – the parents and the little siblings.

Part of what prepared my wife and I for our service was our own loss – a loss of hope.

My wife and I wanted to have a child, and had tried for three years when she shared the news that she was pregnant. We paid a visit to her physician, who confirmed her pregnancy. Only after the few months, when we had announced to our parents, and I had boasted to my Rotary Club that I was going to be a father, did the pregnancy suddenly come to an end.

We were so alone.

No one knew of our loss – because so few knew of our hope.

As the weeks passed, I felt myself becoming a person I was not proud of… I looked jealously upon parents at the grocery store. I found myself thinking I could be a better parent than the parent I had labeled careless... One person even told my wife that she looked way too good to be pregnant – only for Anne to have to share that she wasn't pregnant any longer.

With no obituary, and with no formal announcement of the end of the pregnancy, we were faced with having to endure more congratulations, then sharing that we weren't expecting a little one – any more.

My advice is to continue to be of service to those families you are assisting. Grieve with them, but more than anything else, serve them – with all of you might.

We are expected to care for and bury the dead usually our parents or grandparents – but the highest honor you will ever endure is to be called upon to care for the young child of parents, when they themselves can no longer do so.

Focus on the good that you are doing for the grieving family. It is okay to let the family know that you mourn with them, but these people have turned to you for more than your sympathy, they will require your expertise, your suggestions, and will count upon your perfect execution of your role in serving and meeting their needs.

You'll discover that helping those parents say goodbye to their children will deepen your resolve to never take a day for granted. My son and daughter are loved and it is no secret to either one of them.

If you feel that your grief is complicating your life, I would strongly encourage you to take advantage of the services of a counselor. Many funeral professionals engage in therapy to better serve families purely and authentically. There is no shame in maintaining an aggressive self-care schedule.

All of my colleagues wish you well in your continued study of mortuary science. Please don't hesitate to look us up if ever traveling through the Dover/New Philadelphia area on I-77.

Geib Cares with Twitter

2009-12-29T19:26:00.003-05:00

Why a twitter account?

It wasn’t easy convincing every member of the Geib Family & Staff that there was an urgent need for a Twitter account – until our local daily newspaper announced a three day hiatus from their newsgathering to celebrate the New Year.

You might be surprised to learn of a series of early deadlines for the daily newspaper delivered to your door between December 30 and January 2nd. Thus a family needing to place an obituary in a newspaper before Sunday, January 3, will be out of luck after Thursday at noon.

Not a big deal right?

Would you want to have your loved one’s visitation without having an obituary run in the newspaper prior to the day of the event? If not – it will mean waiting until Monday, January 4th to host a visitation.

Here are the deadlines announced by the leadership at the Times Reporter:

For an obituary to appear:

Thursday, the deadline is Wednesday at Noon (not unusual for a holiday)

Friday, the deadline is Wednesday at 1PM

Saturday, the deadline is Thursday at Noon.

I learned long ago not to pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel, so rather than object to these deadlines, we’ve launched a free Twitter service known as

TCOUNTYPASSINGS

It can be accessed at:

http://twitter.com/TCOUNTYPASSINGS

If you don’t know much about Twitter – you are not alone – and this writer is among you.

We’ve launched this venture to ensure that anyone who wishes to have up to the minute obituary information will have access to it when they check Twitter, without artificial deadlines.

Here’s a tip: once you have pasted the above address into your screen, you can click the “follow” button to begin receiving notices whenever a death notice is posted. A link will be included in each update to allow readers the opportunity to connect to the complete obituary. (Remember, Twitter allows only 140 characters in a post, so a death notice, will look much like the death notices that we see in the local newspaper).

We’ll be glad to post death notices from other area funeral homes – free of charge – and link their death notices back to funeral home websites where complete obituary information can be found.

Newspapers are a lively and relevant source for local news. Obituaries are news, and are the not only the first read sections in newspapers, but also the most widely read.

It is our hope that this Twitter service will give proper consideration to those families who face a loss on and around the holidays.

On Observing a Hopeful Christmas

2009-12-18T12:56:00.008-05:00

“I’m dreading the holidays” wrote one regular reader to Ask the Director. “This year, I am supposed to be “celebrating” without my husband, who died this year, and I just want to get away from it all.” “Is there a Club Med for the bereaved?”

In replying, I shared that she can find cruise ships and warm vacation hotspots to be busy with those who celebrate other religious traditions, bargain hunters willing to fly on Christmas to save a few bucks, and yes, the bereaved trying to out-run the pain of a holiday season.

But, I’ve learned that you can’t out-run grief. You may (for a while) out-pace grief, by keeping busy, tending to the needs of others, and trying too hard to return to a sense of normalcy that realistically, can never again be attained.

Too many people believe that grief is optional, and worse yet, believe that grief is unhealthy. In reality – grief IS normal, and indeed, grief is not only healthy – it can actually be good for us.

Remember that the task of the grieving is not to learn to let go – but instead, the task for the grieving is to discover new, meaningful ways to make connections with the deceased. When placed in this context, our journey with grief is decidedly different.

We aren’t out to abandon our feelings and emotions, but instead to adjust ourselves to a new way of connecting to someone we’ve journeyed with differently before.

In the spirit of finding a new way to develop a new connection with a departed loved one, I offer the following :

Listen carefully to some of our most treasured Christmas music. These songwriters knew that for people of faith – Christmas was more about hope than being merry.

The second half of the Third Verse of Hark the Herald Angel Sing:

Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

and

The fourth verse of It Came Upon A midnight Clear:

And ye, beneath life’s crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow,
Look now! for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing.
O rest beside the weary road,
And hear the angels sing!

Next, reconnect by offering a gift in memory of your loved one to a charity, a needy church member or friend. Doing so will brighten your spirit. The gift needn’t be cash. It could be clothing, medical equipment, or even eyeglasses that no longer have use in your home.

I know of one relative who didn’t go shopping in preparation for the holidays.

Instead, she took the time to go through scrap books – put together pictures of her late husband with his friends and family – and sent copies of them in her Christmas cards – along with a note of appreciation for spreading joy in her husband’s life.

One widower took all of his wife’s recipes and had a cook book prepared for his family. To this day, whenever the family gathers for a special occasion, they reconnect with their loved ones by making a dish she was known for throughout her family.

When my grandmother passed away in 2002 – my mother and her sisters took her old costume jewelry and fashioned it into a Christmas tree upon a red velvet covered frame. Today, that frame is a meaningful Christmas decoration in their homes.

Its plain to see that staying connected, or re-connecting with a deceased loved one needn’t be overly complicated. I invite readers to share with me their successful ways of maintaining a relationship with a departed loved one. I’ll be glad to pass them along in a future column.

In the mean time, you have my sincerest wish for a Hopeful Christmas, filled with meaning and comfort. May 2010 be a year in which (as the “Winter Wonderland” songwriter proposes) we face unafraid the plans that we’ve made.”

Columnist Brian Hanner and his wife Anne Geib Hanner own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in New Philadelphia and Dover. Brian answers “Ask The Director” columns bi-weekly in the Bargain Hunter. An archive of his columns is available online: www.askthedirector.net.

On Discovering the Significance of Life

2009-12-10T19:40:00.000-05:00

Hundreds of people; daughters and sons, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives and friends will gather with us this Saturday afternoon at 2PM for our annual Holiday Service of Hope & Remembrance.

On the Christmas tree in the foyer of the New Philadelphia funeral home, hang more than 300 star ornaments, each with the name of a loved one whose earthly life has come to and end.

I’m always struck by the emotions that return to us as we greet families at this service. Each guest shares the commonality of losing a loved one, and facing Christmas without someone they hold dear. Beyond that, there are a myriad of differences.

Some gather to remember with great joy - a life - full of years, an abundance of memories and stories that will be told for generations.

Some mourn the untimely death of a loved one, deprived of time and opportunities to form memories.

During the service, families gain strength, recognizing that the task ahead is not to diminish our connection with our deceased loved one, but instead, to discover new ways to hold on and re-connect with the person who has died. This task is ours whether our loved one lived a life that spanned a century – or only minutes.

In preparing for the service, I uncovered a poem by Michael Josephson – an author, professor of Law, and founder of the Character Counts! youth service initiative – that I believe will help to separate the mundane daily tasks that cloud our decisions, from the moments of reality that shine through and guide us on our journey.

May your reading and sharing of it brighten your path as it has for me, my colleagues and family.

###

“Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.”

“So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end. It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.

Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.”

“So what will matter?

How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.”

”Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

It really matters!”

###

My prayer for the families we serve and for the readers of this column is that we recognize the significance of our lives through the eyes of those we nurture, care for, and to whom we will ultimately pass our knowledge, values and example.

Join me is making a charitable contribution (maybe even an honorary or memorial contribution, to recognize the person you most admire) to Character Counts! in care of their national headquarters, 9841 Airport Boulevard, Suite #300, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Visit their website online at: http://www.CharacterCounts.org

Such a gift is tax-deductible and a perfect fit for the person on your shopping list who has everything – especially your admiration.

Columnist Brian Hanner and his wife Anne Geib Hanner own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in New Philadelphia and Dover. Brian answers “Ask The Director” columns bi-weekly in the Bargain Hunter. An archive of his columns is available online: www.askthedirector.net.

Thanksgiving, 2009

2009-11-22T06:51:00.001-05:00

This Thursday, we begin the final holiday season of the first decade of the new millennium.

Sound momentous?

Well, it isn’t – at least not until we’re singing Auld Lang Sine in about five weeks will we shed a tear for the decade that, in my life, has gone by much quicker than the preceding two.

Thanksgiving is about slowing the pace of ordinary days. It forces us to examine the basic luxuries that we take for granted every day – from a warm bed, and running water, to those in our lives who make day to day contributions ensuring that our community runs well.

Join me in recognizing the little things that make life better for us in our community.

This year, I was blessed to become involved in the Tuscarawas-Carroll Suicide Prevention Coalition. This group of committed mental health professionals, caregivers and survivors of a suicide death in the family, have come together to raise awareness of the risks associated with suicidal behavior.

In September we observed World Suicide Prevention Day by providing suicide awareness training to scores of local educators, clergy and lay church leaders and service givers. I’m thankful for those brave people who take risks to help others who may be considering suicide.

The American Red Cross is recognized around the world for its humanitarian relief. One of their worthy side-missions is to provide life saving and rescue education.

Such was the case this year when each member of the Geib Family & Staff received CPR training, and guidance on use of a new heart defibrillator. So far, the East Central Ohio AED Initiative has placed dozens of AED’s in public buildings across our county.

They’ve also made AED’s affordable for small businesses (like ours ) to purchase. We Salute the work of the American Red Cross, and the organizers of the AED initiative.

Our community is blessed with two municipal cemeteries, and two young, hard working and dedicated sextons. Scott Harmon took over the Dover City Cemetery Department more in 2006 from Jim Mizer who spent more than three decades in charge of the cemeteries.

In New Philadelphia, Keith Limbacher replaced the retiring Doug Demattio, who himself was digging graves by hand in the 1970’s, retiring in March of this past year.

All four men have served our communities well. We are thankful for their leadership, and for the efforts of the men and women they lead in the care of our cemeteries.

The ranks in our Veterans serving on the military funeral details are growing thinner. Many of the veterans of World War II are well into their 80’s. Those who served in Korea aren’t far behind them.

With more than one thousand World War II veterans dying daily across our nation, the need for the services of these military funeral details is not diminishing. We’re grateful for the men who serve in these details, and put out a call for more veterans to join them in the meaningful mission of honoring those made worthy by service to our country.

I’d be remiss not to thank those who turn to us to provide care for their families. We recognize that we serve at the pleasure of each family. Without your friendship, we wouldn’t be here.

It is our great honor to be called upon to care for our friends and neighbors. Thank you for allowing us to observe 163 years of continuous service to the Tuscarawas Valley.

Finally, a reminder to those who make a tradition of attending the Holiday Service of Hope & Remembrance. Because of the continued growth in attendance, we are expanding to offer two services.

Join us next Saturday, December 5 at 2PM in the Geib Funeral Center at Dover for our candlelight service, when we pause to remember those we have served from the Geib Center in the past year.

The following Saturday, December 12, we’ll gather at 2 PM in the chapel of the Linn-Hert-Geib Funeral Home & Crematory at New Philadelphia, to remember those we have served from the New Philadelphia area.

At both services, we’ll have a personalized ornament of remembrance for each family that we have served since last Christmas.

We welcome all from our community who wish to attend, and ask only that you pre-register so we can prepared to accommodate you. Please telephone (330) 343-5506 to let us know which ceremony you’ll be attending.

See you in two weeks. Have a safe trip over the hill and through the woods this weekend, and during the holidays ahead.

5 Questions Your Family Hopes You Have Answered

2009-11-14T08:17:00.000-05:00

This past Thursday, my colleagues and I presented a program on the five questions that every family hopes that you have answered when it comes to funerals.

The reality is that there are actually hundreds of questions that your family will wish they would have asked you when planning your farewell service. While space won’t permit me to print all of them, please allow these five questions some time to sink in, and then do your family a favor – and thoughtfully answer them – put it in a nice folder – and give it as a gift to a loved one this Christmas season.

It is a gift that you don’t have to shop for, it doesn’t have to cost you anything – unless you get a really fancy folder, - and it is the kind of gift that will grow in value some day – in a way people won’t appreciate until they get to rely upon the information inside it.

Question # 5: How should we account for all of your accomplishments?
Whether mom was a prize pie maker or head of the school board, there almost always exists a list of moments of achievement that some day your children will clamor for when trying to sort out details for your obituary. Do your family a favor – and put together a list of accomplishments that can be accessed easily.

Or – you may prefer to put together a draft of your own obituary.

Either way – listing what was important to you will go a long way in helping your family remember your contributions to their world.

Question #4: What wishes or preferences have you regarding public and private services?

Remember to try to be inclusive of the needs of your family when addressing this question. I have been a party to very sensitive discussions regarding this topic, in which the deceased did not wish for any public observance of his death. The family, struggling to honor his wishes, ends up sacrificing the healing that comes when extended family and friends surround those who have lost a loved one – and acknowledge that a loss has taken place.

Often, people have mixed feelings about being viewed following death. As a person who was present when a relative of my own passed away, I can share personally that the farewell at the hospital paled in comparison to the farewell we were able to give our relative in a private setting at the funeral home – when we weren’t quite as frazzled as we were in the hours leading up to the passing at the hospital.

Suddenly, there was no hurry – there was no busy medical staff, and no hospital public address system. Instead, we were able to see a more peaceful presentation of our loved one – dressed in clothing she preferred, not a hospital gown, with her favorite lipstick on – not hissing oxygen mask.

This viewing took place privately, with members of our family only. We would honor our relative’s wishes, and close the casket prior to public visitation.

So when addressing preferences regarding public and private services, I always encourage people to be inclusive of family needs. – Viewing is an important part of grieving the reality of death. Likewise, allowing a time for family and friends to gather to remember the person who died is almost universal in its practice.

If you prefer cremation, know that most families still desire to view a person prior to cremation. Regardless of your decision, please take the time to weigh your options, and thoughtfully express your wishes to your family.

Question # 3: To what degree should spirituality play in your farewell service?

You’ll note that I carefully used the word spirituality in this question. I do so because more than a third of the families we serve today do not report a church affiliation.

Spirituality is defined as a more personal experience of enlightenment than the shared experience of religion. In fact, many people who do not consider them selves religious do consider themselves spiritual.

To this end, being inclusive of traditions, from musical to scriptural and ceremonial are important considerations.

If my life came to an end today – my own service would be very spiritual – involving the minister who has married my wife and I, baptized our children and has journeyed with us for the past decade.

If I have the luxury of living a long life, perhaps my service would be more inclusive of the spiritual needs and customs of my children and extended family.

Know that your funeral director can assist in providing suggestions on meaningful services tailored to the degree of spirituality you desire in your farewell service.

Question # 2: What preparations have been made for your final expenses?

It is helpful to consider final expenses (not just funeral costs) because they are inclusive of so much more than just the services of a funeral home and a casket (which are the national standards used to calculate funeral costs):

Final expenses can include:

The costs associated with cemetery purchases, grave openings and closings, the cost of a monument, travel expenses (if families come and go from a great distance) memorial gifts, flowers, meals and death certificates.

Life insurance is one option, as is a pay on death account at a local bank. But deciding on what option is best for you may take some planning. Be aware that many funeral homes are not able to bill estates for funerals due to the often long, drawn out process of estate administration.

Having some written instructions to your family regarding final expenses will relieve anxiety and uncertainty regarding important decisions that must be made in the hours and days following the death of a loved one.

And the #1 question that your family hopes that you have answered: Where will you be permanently remembered?

It may seem like a forgone conclusion to you – but considering that fact that almost 40% of Americans today are cremated, and that of those cremated, only about half are arranging a final resting place for their cremated body – this is a concern that weighs heavily upon the minds of those arranging a funeral.

First – know your options. Is there existing cemetery property that you may have a right to use? If you are planning to be cremated – can your cremated body be placed upon an existing grave? – If you live in the Tuscarawas Valley –chances are very good that your local cemetery will permit multiple burials of cremated bodies in one grave.

There also exist columbariums – a sort of mausoleum designed specially for urns holding a cremated body.

Scattering remains an option of a small percentage of those choosing cremation locally. Discussing this option with family members and gaining consensus on the right place, and the right time to conduct a scattering ceremony is also important. You’ve read before in this column that once a person is cremated – they have the luxury of being able to be in more than one place at a time – so do not exclude the thought of being both scattered and interred in an ancestral burial plot.

Feel free to call my office at the telephone number given below to discuss these and other questions with a funeral planner. We even have special guides that can be completed the the privacy of your home, that will help answer the many questions that your family will require some day, when you won’t be here to answer the questions personally.

Brian Hanner of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in Dover and New Philadelphia, answers your questions in this bi-weekly feature. He can be reached by phoning (330) 343-5506 or by e-mail: bhanner@geibfuneral.com

Veteran's Funeral Benefits

2009-09-26T11:20:00.004-04:00

Q: My husband got an offer for a free grave at a local private cemetery because he is a veteran. What other benefits is he entitled to because of his service?

A: Any veteran discharged under conditions other than dishonorable, is entitled to burial in one of the national cemeteries set aside by the Department of Veteran’s Affairs.

In addition to this award, the cost of perpetual care at that cemetery, the opening and closing of the grave, and a cemetery grave liner (which holds the casket to prevent the grave from sinking) is all provided to the veteran, and his eligible spouse without cost. The local national cemetery is Western Reserve National Cemetery.

Regardless of where you choose to be buried, the Veteran’s Administration will provide a 12” by 24” bronze grave marker, a burial flag, and a Presidential Memorial Certificate, signed by the current president of the United States, to your next of kin, if requested by him or her.

Some families choosing burial at a national cemetery are eligible for reimbursement of transportation expenses. The nearest national cemetery is the Western Reserve National Cemetery in Medina County.

If a private cemetery is offering a grave space for use by your veteran, you would be wise to ask some important questions:

First, is the free grave a conditional based upon any other purchases from the cemetery? If so, it will be important to add together the costs of all or the conditional purchases to determine whether the “free grave” is indeed a good value.

Next, what if any restrictions are placed upon the marking of the grave? Is there a cost for setting the complimentary marker provided by the VA on the gravesite?

Finally, many local municipal cemeteries are subsidized by tax dollars, and therefore offer opening and closing costs that are almost half of those offered by private cemeteries.

Investigate any offering of discounts with the actual costs of similar services provided elsewhere. Make sure that your questions are fully answered, and that the complete offer is made in writing.

Enjoy the best weather our area has to offer in the coming weeks, and take time to support the young men and women in our county who have prepared all year for Tuscarawas County’s oldest tradition; the County Fair. – See you there starting next week.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers your questions in his bi-weekly editions of Ask The Director. Hanner is the Vice-President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of Dover and New Philadelphia. Send questions to Brian via e-mail at bhanner@geibfuneral.com.

Online Condolences & How to Ensure that Your Words of Comfort are Delivered

2009-09-20T22:38:00.003-04:00

Q: I recently left condolences online for a friend. Is there any way to ensure that my message got read by his family?

A: The answer to that question depends upon whether you left your condolence on a newspaper related site, or if you left your condolence on the funeral home’s website.

Since the mid-1990’s our funeral home website has hosted obituary information that allows those who are online to leave memories and share messages for surviving family members.

Knowing that some families we serve do not have easy access to the internet, we print and deliver a copy of the online condolences to the surviving family members about one week after funeral services have concluded.

We wait that week knowing that many people who are out of town when an obituary is published, take advantage of the online condolences to share memories and tributes.

Once the different messages are put together, they are printed on paper that is specially designed to fit into the custom guest registry that a family selects during their funeral arrangement conference.

In addition to the printed copy for families, we renew a hosting agreement annually to ensure the long term access to obituary and tribute archives.

Even if a family declines to have an obituary published in a daily newspaper, we can still take the time to publish the obituary and tribute on the funeral home’s website.

Contrast this service with Legacy.com, the world’s largest obituary hosting corporation. The business strategy is to partner with local newspapers by hosting obituaries from the newspaper online for a limited time (usually 30 days) for a small fee (this fee is usually built into the cost billed by the newspaper for the obituary).

Unfortunately, the obituary on Legacy.com is not up indefinitely, and condolences are deleted after 30 days, unless someone from the family pays almost $40 to maintain the memorial site for an additional year, or $90 for a perpetual site.

It is quite possible, unless a family is checking and individually printing the messages of condolences on the Legacy.com site, that they are being overlooked.

My advice to those who leave electronic messages of condolence, is to visit the funeral home’s website, where the message is not going to be deleted 30 days after it is posted. Instead, we intend to maintain memorial sites for many, many years.

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Question: If you have pre planned and pre paid for your funeral...and decide you may want to change funeral homes...is it possible to make that change

2009-07-21T13:27:00.004-04:00

Answer: This week's reader asks a question that we frequently answer on a more individual basis. Luckily, in Ohio, advance funeral planning contracts are very carefully regulated to provide the purchaser retain his or her rights, including the right to change funeral homes.

This week's reader would do well to contact the funeral provider that he or she wishes to transfer her arrangements to – and ask some important questions:

First, ask your preferred funeral director to review your present funeral pre-arrangement documents.

From this review, the preferred funeral provider should be able to provide you a written estimate of the products and services to carefully match those products and services purchased by the original funeral home.

Next, using that estimate, compare the dollar amount to the present value of the pre-paid funeral plan.

Assuming that it was properly invested, it should have posted modest growth between the time you initiated your pre-arrangement, and today.

With this comparison complete, you will know whether or not there will be any consequences to transferring your pre-paid funeral plan to your funeral plan of choice.

When serving families at Geib who transfer their arrangements from neighboring funeral homes, we provide a review of the existing pre-arrangement to client families so they can make an informed decision before changing their advance funeral plans.

Bear in mind that once a pre-paid funeral arrangement has been cancelled with a funeral home, it usually also means that any warranties or guarantees associated with that funeral home are also cancelled.

Therefore, reviewing the contract with your preferred funeral home will assure that you are minimizing any consequence. I can’t speak for other funeral providers, but I suspect that many will be more than happy to honor the warranties or guarantees provided by another for the opportunity to serve a new family.

The advice given above should be considered general, as there is no substitute for a consultation with your funeral provider of choice.

This week, our question came from one of the smart readers who have taken the time to complete and pay for an advance funeral plan. As I mentioned in the article above, Ohio’s regulation of advance funeral plans are among the most stringent in the country.

While you may read of scandal in other states, Ohio law requires the deposit of 100% of funds into life insurance or a qualified trust. The deposits are held, usually irrevocably to prevent either the depositor (you) or the funeral provider, from accessing the funds until a death certificate is provided as proof that the funeral firm completed services on behalf of the purchaser.

While about half of the families that pre-plan their services do not pre-pay for their arrangements, many of those choose to do so later in life as sooner or later the asset becomes a liability for those who require long term care in a nursing home.

Consider this a call to action if you or your family members have uncertainty about how to plan for end of life issues. We’ll take a step by step approach to advance funeral planning in our next column.

See you in two weeks!

Columnist Brian Hanner is the Vice President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover, Ohio. Hanner answers “Ask The Director” as a bi-weekly feature of The Bargain Hunter. E-mail your questions to bhanner@geibfuneral.com or visit an archive online at www.geibcares.com

Choosing Pallbearers

2009-07-13T07:45:00.002-04:00

Q: Is it okay for immediate family members to serve as pallbearers?

A: Yes – In fact, on most services in which I participate, the pallbearers are grandchildren, or nephews.

When making funeral arrangements it is helpful to begin considering who might best serve as a pallbearer.

I’ve found that most sons, and sons-in-law, do not wish to serve in that capacity.

In addition to grandchildren and nephews, cousins, close friends, and co-workers, are all ideal sources for pallbearers.

We funeral directors also serve as pallbearers, and often include other members of our staff in the event family members are not able to accomplish the task.

Note that if you are pre-planning your funeral, you can honor someone by asking him or her to serve as a pallbearer, but please allow the potential pallbearer the opportunity to opt out, since we can’t very well predict the wellness of those we wish to carry us to our place of rest. – Those not physically up to the task can always be recognized as an “honorary pallbearer.”

29 Geib Staff Members Earn CPR and AED certification

2009-07-09T16:30:00.002-04:00

Wednesday evening, 29 Geib staff members were certified in CPR and how to use an Automated External Defibrillator (AED) purchased by the Geib Funeral Homes.

The AED is a device that analyzes the heart's electical rhythm and, if necessary, prompts you to deliver a shock to a person experiencing sudden cardiac arrest.

"We thank Geib for stepping up and helping to make our community safer by obtaining an AED and taking CPR training," said American Red Cross director Chad Conrad. "It's all about saving lives right here. Red Cross would be happy to work with anyone interested in AEDs or safety trainings."

The Geib staff encourages any local business to consider purchasing an AED and to become certified in CPR. A cardiac patient's damage to the brain and heart is measured in seconds and minutes. Having this knowledge and an AED can save a person's life!

Clergy Honorariums

2009-07-05T15:40:00.003-04:00
This week, we apporach a topic asked many times in the course of serving families:

Q: What is an appropriate gift to give a minister for conducting a funeral service?

A: The answer to this question varies with several factors. First, there are some religious organizations that have a set amount. If this is the case, your funeral director can advise you of the usual and customary amount for your church.

Next, while some clergy members donate any honorarium to a church memorial find, others use such a gift to help defray living expenses. One minister told me years ago, that his earnings from weddings and funerals went to help get school clothes for his young boys.

The average honorarium paid to a minister today is one hundred dollars. Many families give a larger gift, especially if a clergy member has made many trips to out of town hospitals, or has gone above and beyond the call of a minister to aid the family.

Most of the time, a funeral director will hand deliver an honorarium on behalf of the family to the minister, at the time of the service. At Geib, we use a check to provide a record of the payment. This method of payment can also be helpful if your minister is like me, and sends his suit to the drycleaner with items still in the pockets. We can always re-issue a check, but can’t replace a cash gift.

Remembering a Star of our Own

2009-06-28T18:34:00.004-04:00
You’ve undoubtedly watched or read about the high profile deaths of Hollywood “stars.”

One passing of a star that occurred this week went without media coverage. 37 year-old Brian Schaar, whose story was featured two weeks ago on the front page of The Bargain Hunter, passed away last Saturday, only hours before a community-wide fundraiser was set to begin to help his family with medical expenses.

Schaar was the type of man whom many enjoyed knowing. Many of his colleagues reported that Brian brought a lot of character to his work.

Aside from that work ethic, Brian will be remembered as one of the fathers who took time to coach his son’s little league team. If you were anywhere near the fundraiser at the Strasburg Fire Station last Saturday, as I was, his reputation, his following among others in our community, could not be lost upon you.

Parking was almost non-existent, and the only thing harder to find than a place to leave the car, was an empty seat at the benefit, which in itself, is more telling of the affection and regard so many people held for this man than the most eloquent of eulogies.

The world needs more people like Brian Schaar.

Heaven must have needed more too.

Share condolences with his family and read Schaar's complete obituary at http://www.geibcares.com - click on condolences, then on Brian's profile.

Radio Show Listeners Comment on Funeral Etiquette

2009-06-20T13:22:00.004-04:00
It started innocently enough. About four times a year, I am called to be a guest on Dial & Speak – an hour long talk radio show on radio station WBTC.

On this particular day in early June, a caller to the program asked whether a funeral director could intervene when a person was taking too much time talking to the family of the deceased at visitation. The caller explained that he had been behind more than one “long talker” and described conversation far beyond the scope of offering meaningful condolences.

Honestly, I’d never been asked at a visitation to help “speed up the line” as the caller suggested, but I have stood in lines that seemingly would never end. With that call, the floodgates opened and more calls began to come in – suggestions, situations, and strange stories… and the necessity of this column to sort out the details was born.

Nearly two years ago, I shared with readers a few suggestions that were scribbled on a note and passed to me following a funeral. The author of the note had made a few observations about the behavior of other guests, and thought I would be wise to share her observations:

“Tell them not to chew gum” she began - noting that there were guests who had chomped on gum during the prayer.

“Check your coat when you come in, and not over the back of your chair for it to drip on my purse.” she quipped in the second statement. Many funeral directors strongly agree. Furnishing a funeral home is no small expense, and to funeral directors, watching wet coats soak furniture is akin to scratching fingernails on a chalkboard.

Another caller to the radio show mentioned the use of cell phones, and his experience of watching someone “text” while standing in the visitation line. I am a fan of technology. I believe that when properly used, technology actually brings us closer together. Still though, there are moments when technology seems out of place. The caller was spot on – a visitation or funeral ceremony deserves the complete attention of guests, and to the greatest extent possible, cell phones and pagers should be silenced and put away.

Interestingly, more and more families are using their phones as cameras too – which allows them to take snapshots at funerals as never before. It is not uncommon for a few family members to use their phones and take pictures of a military graveside service. Again – technology can bring us closer together. Having awareness of where technology is welcome and where it interferes is the key.

The final caller of the day inquired about a dress code for a funeral home. Of course there is no dress code for members of the public to attend visitation. While we’re far from “no shirt / no shoes / no service” – the caller did remark that many people were not dressing up like they did in days gone by. – Call it a sign of the times, but personally, this columnist just glad that people still show up to pay respects at visitation.

Remember that with many families not hosting extended visitations as they once did (2-4 and 7-9 were staples for decades) that many guests are now attending visitations having come directly from their workplace, a sporting event, or other obligation. We’ve even had a group of Red Hatters attend a visitation in full regalia - a really fitting tribute since the daughter of the gentleman who died was a member of the group.

In the weeks since the radio show, there has been plenty of comment on the topic of funeral etiquette. Webster’s dictionary defines etiquette as “the conduct or procedure required or prescribed by authority to be observed in social life.” With school out for the summer, why not be an authority to the younger members of your family, and stress the importance of making a good impression when in social settings.

Etiquette will not be on the “big test” that kidders take at school, so don’t count on it to come from the classroom. Good etiquette will open doors to many opportunities for your youngster to show off his or her knowledge.

Whether at a visitation or service it is your presence or the presence of a young member of your family that will leave a lasting impression… it is up to you to ensure that the impression is a meaningful one.

Brian Hanner is the Vice President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover, Ohio. Hanner answers “Ask The Director” as a bi-weekly feature of The Bargain Hunter. E-mail your questions to bhanner@geibfuneral.com or visit an archive online at www.geibcares.com

Retiring Reader Relocates... but with questions

2009-06-04T08:10:00.004-04:00
A regular reader recently wrote with an important question. She is retiring this summer and relocating to South Carolina. It seems that her mother is making the move with her, but intends on having her funeral and burial in Pennsylvania. The reader is trying to sort out how to best plan for her mother’s needs upon her death. She turned to Ask The Director for advice.

I suggested that she contact her funeral director in Pennsylvania. She can review with the PA funeral director, any special needs or requirements for burial in her mother’s hometown.

Once our relocating reader has an idea of the costs and services that will be required in PA, she can either allow that funeral director to select a funeral home in South Carolina, or go about choosing a funeral provider once she gets acclimated to the area.

I believe that our reader would be best served by allowing the PA funeral director time to contact the funeral homes in SC. As an expert in the funeral profession, I can personally attest to learning a lot by simply calling different funeral homes and asking the same questions of several funeral providers.

The reader will have to decide whether or not there will be any services in SC before her mother is transferred to the PA funeral home. Since our retiring reader will be relatively new to the area, it may not be necessary, but if her mother gets integrated into the community and enjoys the easy living of the Carolina’s, she may want to consider a farewell service if she’s made many new friends in her new environment.

While the needs of each family are unique, if you find yourself confronted with the death of a family member away from home, here are few suggestions for your consideration:

•Contact your funeral director in the city where services will be held. Your director will make arrangements with a local funeral home to transfer your loved one into their care and arrange for embalming if the remains are to be transported to an out of state funeral home.

•If you have a preference for a specific funeral home to take care of initial transfer and care details, you should express that wish, otherwise your receiving funeral director will contact the funeral homes in the locality where death occurred to decide which funeral director best aligns with their standard of care.

•In consultation with your funeral director, you will decide which mode of transportation is most appropriate. Normally, funeral directors will arrange to drive your loved one if the destination is less than 250 or 300 miles. Once that mileage is exceeded it can be more cost effective to fly the decedent home using a commercial airline.

•If any viewing or services take place prior to your loved one being transported home, you will need to plan on purchasing a casket from the funeral provider out of town. If no services are planned, that selection can be made at home, as it is often less expensive to ship a decedent without the weight of a casket, especially on an aircraft.

•Resist the temptation to set visitation or service times at the receiving funeral home until your loved one is in the care of the receiving funeral home. (This is especially critical if the mode of transportation is by air, as unexpected delays can cause missed flights). Imagine having a visitation and funeral without the person who died because of a weather delay in Chicago or Atlanta -. It has happened – and only distracts a family from the important tasks of grieving.

•Know that it is always okay to call a time-out. That is, ask for clarification, or an alternative to arrangements that may not be to you satisfaction. Those of us who have chosen the profession of funeral service, really do put the needs and comfort of our guests first.

We wish the best to our retiring reader, here and in South Carolina.

See you this weekend at the American Cancer Society Relay for Life. The survivor lap steps off at 6PM at Dover’s Crater Stadium. We’re chairing the Luminary Service that gets underway at about 9:30 (after dark) Friday. I hope you will join us in the fight against cancer and remember with us those lives cut short because of the terrible disease.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers Ask The Director – a biweekly feature of The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is the Vice President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover. His e-mail address is: bhanner@geibfuneral.com

Seven Steps For A Meaningful Memorial Day 2009

2009-05-19T12:46:00.004-04:00

1 Visit a veteran's grave. It isn't difficult to spot them this time of year.

Thousands of flags and bronze flag holders prominently mark the graves of veterans who have served in every branch of service from the revolutionary war to the present War on Terror. You may find it especially meaningful to visit a special section in a cemetery set aside for veterans who have passed away in the line of duty.

New Philadelphia's Historic Fair Avenue Cemetery is the final resting place for at least one veteran from every conflict between the Revolutionary War to the Vietnam Conflict.

2 Repair the area around a veteran's grave. Pulling weeds, clearing wintertime debris, and even washing the marker with a vinegar and water solution that can dissolve grime and bird droppings will be a sign of your appreciation for the sacrifice veterans have made in serving our country.

3 Fly an American Flag – properly, on Memorial Day. The flag of the United States is to be flown from sunrise until noon at half-staff, and at noon, it is to be elevated to full-staff. The symbolism of positioning the flag at half-staff reminds all of us of the price we have paid for freedom, and raising the flag to full-staff reminds us that the glory is found in rising again, from every affliction.

4 Make a contribution to a worthy charity or organization dedicated to memorializing those who have died in service to our country. There are many, but a favorite of mine is The American Gold-Star Mothers Association.

This is an organization for mothers of soldiers killed in action that began during World War I, when the practice of hanging a gold star in the front window was used to signify the sacrifice made by the household in the war effort. Today, the organization raises awareness and provides due recognition to the families who have experienced a service related loss.

Join me in sending them a contribution. Their address is: 2128 Leroy Place, NW, Washington, DC, 20008.

5 Participate in the National Moment of Remembrance, now held annually at 3PM local time. First declared in May, 2000 by President Clinton, to voluntarily and informally observe in your own way a Moment of Remembrance and Respect, pausing from whatever they are doing for a moment of silence or listening to Taps.

6 Better yet, attend one of numerous community observances of Memorial Day, conducted under the leadership of our local veteran's organizations. The ceremony held on the grounds of the courthouse at New Philadelphia is particularly meaningful.

Feel free to park your car in the nearby Geib Funeral Home & Crematory lot. Doing so will keep the parking on the streets open for disabled patriots who want to see the event from their vehicle.

7 Bring a friend, or family member along with you to any of the above activities. Involving another person, especially a younger person helps to spread the flame of patriotism. Without your teaching and leadership, young people may not see the more meaningful side of the first three-day weekend of the season.

Finally, many readers know that I have a much younger half-brother, named Paul. (I was one of those kids who required double the parenting, so when I was little, my mom and dad doubled up. Paul was born to my step-mother and my dad when I was about 14.)

This week, Paul is graduating from Newcomerstown High School and is the president of his class. He's forgoing the typical summer off, and entering the basic training for the United States Marine Corps on Monday, June 8.

For all of the proud parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters of our young leaders entering the military, we say thanks. The bravery, and patriotism demonstrated by these young men and women honor those who have gone before, and inspire those looking up to you. – And for Paul… well, he couldn't have a brother more proud. Semper Fi

Columnist Brian Hanner is the vice-president and general manager of the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in New Philadelphia and Dover. Share comments or feedback with Brian by e-mail at bhanner@geibfuneral.com.

(photo courtesy of flickr user cindi47452)

What Does Easter Mean To You?

2009-04-06T18:31:00.004-04:00

We pause this week from our typical "Ask The Director" format to share a timely Pastor's Perspective.

We welcome the Rev. Dr. Steve Bailey, Senior Pastor of First United Methodist Church at New Philadelphia. Dr. Bailey shared this message with his congregation in the April edition of the church newsletter.

I thought it was excellent reading, especially given its focus upon the moments in our life when the hope and promise of Easter is most relevant.

We'll return to the question and answer format next week – but for now, I hope you enjoy the message Dr. Bailey shares as much as we did at Geib. ~ Brian & Family

What Does Easter Mean To You?

My answer has changed throughout my life. As a child, it meant candy and spending an extra long day at church. During my teenage years, it often meant being part of a “sunrise” service that usually was only attended by the parents of the participants.

In college, it began to mean more, as I studied the Gospels and learned the details in greater detail. As a pastor since 1985, it has meant trying to convey one of the most important parts of our message in a 15-20 minute sermon.

You might be surprised to learn that many pastors don’t especially like preaching Easter sermons. It is nice to see everyone, but there is an impossible task. The reason for that is that is simple: we can’t really express the fullness of what Christ did in 20 minutes or less.

Maybe that is why so many of us who are disciples try to prepare for Easter, and observe the tradition of Lent. We need time to let what Jesus did for us sink in, ricochet around in our minds, and reach a deeper level in our souls.

The times that the significance of Easter becomes so real for me, are those moments when a family gathers to say their final goodbyes to a loved one. Of all the experiences that are a part of life, losing someone you love to death is one of the most crushing.

I’ve often seen a person who shared 50, 60, even 70 years as the husband or wife of the deceased; suddenly alone and without their companion and closest friend. I’ve seen parents who have been completely devastated by the death of a child. I’ve seen life long friends shed tears at the side of a casket. I’ve been in the room when the doctor broke the news of death.

These moments hurt. They are the darkest moments. They are real and inescapable. They will happen in my life and yours. These are the moments, when the resurrection of Jesus and the promises he made to us, reach their full meaning. These are the moments when knowing that Jesus loved your friend and loves you, make all of the difference. The pain is real and overwhelming, but knowing that this is not the end, matters more than words can say.

Love leaves us with more than death can take away. The cross could not silence Jesus. Death is a shadow that will fall across your path, but it cannot hold you. Shadows have no power. And we know that like Christ, we too shall also rise to new and eternal life.

On Easter Sunday, there are a lot of distractions. Flowers, family, meals, and other activities can all get in our way. But when your world is destroyed and your dreams broken, the meaning of the resurrection is unspeakably important.

Someday, my body will stop working. I don’t know when, where, or why. On that day, the greatest gift that I have given to Marcy, my daughters, and my friends will simply be this: I believe in the resurrection and in eternal life. Jesus is my friend whom I trust completely. My life will not cease when my body fails. My life will become much more than it has ever been. I will make a new home and I will live for the day of reunion with them.

You don’t come to that conviction after a 20 minute spiritual pitch, no matter how eloquent the speaker might be. You come to that conviction by digging deep, journeying with Christ, and trusting his wisdom to guide you. Real faith is a life long process.

This Easter, I hope that I preach a sermon worthy of the day. But more than that, I hope that you truly grapple with the significance of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection – and what that means for you. And with Christ as your friend, I hope that you have a sense of peace and confidence and hope in him. I do.

Faithfully yours,

Dr. Steve Bailey

Dr. Bailey leads two worship services each Sunday at First United Methodist Church, 201 West High Avenue. A contemporary service, with drama and modern music begins at 8:30 in J.I.M.'s Place, adjacent to the church, and a popular traditional service at 10:45 in the church sanctuary. Share feedback with Dr. Bailey at pastorumc@aol.com. This and an archive of Ask The Director Columns are available online at www.geibcares.com

The Yeah Buts & What If's of Ohio's Right of Disposition Law

2009-03-25T00:09:00.002-04:00
Last week’s column focusing upon Ohio’s disposition law has spawned a number of follow-up questions. Here’s a brief refresher:

In Ohio, a deceased body of a becomes the property of one of two parties:

The deceased’s next of kin – ordinarily in an order that begins with a surviving spouse, or in the absence of a legally married survivor, adult children born to the deceased, and succeeding through grandchildren, and even “relatives of the same degree of kinship that are decedents of the decedent’s grandparents” - a fancy way of saying “cousins”.

The second party is known as the “designated representative” appointed by the person who died, while still of sound mind, to carry out funeral, burial and cremation arrangements upon his or her death.

Interestingly, the authority of the designated representative to carry out disposition actually supersedes all descendents in executing final arrangements.

The questions I received this week had to do with limitations of this authority.

Read on.

Q: How can a person that is not related actually have a say over funeral or disposition arrangements?

Ohio lawmakers provided this special category of “designated representative” to allow for unmarried couples to appoint one another, in a capacity not unlike a power of attorney that is used prior to death. Because power of attorney ceases at death, lawmakers saw fit to create this special representative capacity to accommodate this situation.

Such an appointment is also helpful when there are multiple individuals who together share the same priority for exercising the right of disposition. In such an instance, a designated representative can provide clarity, and thereby avoid conflict between family members.

Q: Why don’t we just appoint our funeral director to do this since he’ll be the one we’ve asked to follow our pre-arrangement contract?

When the law was written, it precluded funeral directors, cemetery staff or other death care professionals from serving as a designated representative for anyone other than a person related by blood or marriage to a funeral director.

Q: I hold power of attorney papers for my mom. Can I appoint myself to serve as the representative upon her death?

A: Ohio law only permits a person of sound mind to designate a representative for disposition. Therefore, a person holding a power of attorney for another person, is not able to legally execute the designation.

Q: What if the person I appoint as my representative does not follow my wishes?

A: You should only appoint a person who you can trust to follow your wishes. I recommend that on the declaration form, that you specify that the representative you appoint should follow the instructions you have pre-arranged.

Q: Can we appoint more than one representative?

A: You may appoint as many representatives as you desire, but it essentially defeats the purpose of having one sole spokesperson for your wishes. A better idea would be to appoint one person as the designated representative, and other people as successor representatives – meaning that they would serve as representative only if the designated representative declined, or became ineligible to serve in that capacity.

If you have completed an advance funeral plan, we strongly encourage you to designate a representative to see that your wishes are followed. The Geib Family & Staff provide declaration or representative documents and complimentary notary services. Please contact my office at the number below for immediate attention.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is the Vice-President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e-mail at: bhanner@geibcares.com

American Cancer Society Back in Bloom with Daffodil Days

2009-03-16T09:27:00.004-04:00
The American Cancer Society is holding its annual fundraiser, known as Daffodil Days, today through Friday, March 20th.

For as long as I can remember, this sale of fresh-cut daffodils has been a welcome and well-received sign of spring.

Again this year, daffodils are for sale from both the Dover Geib Funeral Center and the Linn-Hert-Geib Funeral Home & Crematory at New Philadelphia.

Please consider supporting ACS by picking up a bouquet of daffodils for a donation of just $10.00

For a gift of $25.00 or greater, a special, limited edition "Boyd's Bear" (shown above)stuffed animal will be given, in addition to a regular bouquet of flowers. The 2009 limited edition bear is known as Carry R. Hope.

This 10-inch plush, oatmeal colored bear is holding a denim Daffodil Days tote.

As with previous Bear and a Bunch offerings, Carrie also has an embroidered daffodil on one paw and the American Cancer Society logo on the other.

The daffodils are available exclusively at Geib Funeral Homes while supplies last (through Friday) beginning today from 8AM – 5PM in our New Philadelphia location, and from 9AM-5PM from our Dover Geib Funeral Center.

American Cancer Society - Back in Bloom with Daffodil Days

2009-03-16T09:25:00.001-04:00
Bear and a Bunch
This year’s Boyds exclusive, limited-edition bear for the 2009 Bear and a Bunch campaign is Carrie R. Hope, a 10-inch plush, oatmeal colored bear holding a denim Daffodil Days tote. As with previous Bear and a Bunch offerings, Carrie also has an embroidered daffodil on one paw and the American Cancer Society logo on the other. The bear will be offered along with 10 fresh-cut daffodils for a suggested donation of $25.00.

Questions about funeral pre-planning contracts answered.

2009-03-11T18:35:00.001-04:00
A reader recently wrote “A close friend of my recently died, having very specific wishes regarding her funeral arrangements already on file with a signed pre arrangement contract from her funeral home.” "Unfortunately," she continued, “her children and their spouses did not honor her wishes and instead did what they wanted.” Is this legal? How can this be stopped?

A: Please accept my sympathy in the passing of your friend. I suspect that it is difficult for you to know that she had specific instructions and even painful to know that they were not carried out as she would have wanted. Please allow me to offer some thoughts on this topic.

Ohio law permits a person to pre-arrange their funerals with a funeral home. When a pre-arrangement is paid for, a contract is signed, between the individual making funeral arrangements, the funeral home, and usually a trust or insurance company, which, as a third-party, will hold the pre-payment of a funeral account, until fulfilled by the funeral home.

While the language of contracts vary from provider to provider, Ohio law, since 2006, has required that such a pre-paid funeral contract disclose that upon the death, a person holding the right of disposition of the remains of the deceased will have the right to make funeral arrangements inconsistent with the arrangements set forth in a pre-arranged contract.

How can this be?

– In Ohio, once a person passes away, their body becomes the quasi-property of his or her next of kin, or, alternately, a person previously designated by the deceased to carry out the wishes of the deceased. While this representative is almost always the next-of-kin, complications and estrangements within families do require that a person appointed by the deceased, carry out funeral arrangements, superseding the rights of immediate family members.

If you are unsure that your wishes will be carried out as specified in a funeral pre-arrangement, I strongly suggest that you consider appointing a person who will honor your wishes to serve as your representative upon death. This designation of a representative is not unlike the power of attorney designation, except that the powers-of-attorney cease upon death, and the powers of a representative do not begin until death occurs.

Anyone, regardless of where their pre-arrangement is filed, may contact my office for a complimentary Declaration of Representative for Disposition form. Since it is a legal document, either a Notary Public, or two unrelated people must witness your signature on such a document. We provide the document, and notary services, without cost.

To insist that arrangements on file with your funeral home are to be followed, I encourage you to state that preferences regarding funeral arrangements are on file with “X” funeral home, and that a person accepting an appointment as a representative for your disposition follow those written wishes. Since this notation is part of a legal document, it can be used to overcome any challenges upon death.

While such a conflict is somewhat rare, it is more prevalent today than at any other time in recent history. Taking the steps today to ensure that your wishes are followed is strongly encouraged.

###

On a personal note…

Anne and I wish to share our appreciation to the many readers who sent cards, shared words of comfort, and generally made our lives, and the lives of the Geib family much more bearable in the days since Rich Geib’s passing.

We will never find the right words to properly acknowledge all of the kindness we’ve received. Our prayer is that God will make us worthy of our friends, and of your continued goodwill.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is the Vice-President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e-mail at: bhanner@geibcares.com

2009-03-08T15:50:00.003-04:00
If you died tomorrow and intend on being cremated, would your loved ones know exactly what to do?

Is identification required before cremation takes place?

How is your physician's schedule related to the timing of cremation?

Where does cremation take place? (and other important questions anyone considering cremation should ask BEFORE choosing a cremation provider).

Join the Tuscarawas Valley's cremation experts, the Geib Family & Staff, for our eleventh annual presentation of Exploring Cremation - an examination of the practice of cremation, how it happens, and what a family should expect when a loved one chooses cremation.

Wednesday evening, March 11, 2009

at 6:30 PM

in the Geib Funeral Center at Dover.

A tour of the Geib Crematories will follow a fact-filled presentation.

A reservation for seating - (330) 343-5506 - is all that is necessary.

Desert and beverages are always provided - the reservation ensures that we have plenty to share with guests.

The evening is presented free of charge by the Geib Family & Staff - who are committed to preparing families to properly face the inevitability of death in a manner that provides supportive, factual and relevant information.

Remembering Richard D. Geib

2009-02-23T10:01:00.003-05:00

Richard D. Geib, the 81 year old patriarch of the Geib family, entered into his heavenly reward last week. He'd been a well-cared-for resident of New Dawn Rehabilitation Center since late January, 2008.

While I could go on and on about the teaching he did in the past year by demonstrating grace, humility and even his own self-deprecating sense of humor in the twilight of his life, I'd be remiss not to focus upon his very active 80 years.

I believe that Rich was born to be a funeral director. – Not only were his father and paternal grandfather funeral directors, but his mother, Margaret Gintz, came from a family of funeral directors that operated the Gintz Funeral Home, from the building that is today Miller's Clothing and Shoes.

Growing up in the Geib household, Rich learned quickly the "always ready" lifestyle of a small town funeral director. The telephone could ring at any moment, changing the best laid plans for a special day with the family. Despite obviously disappointed relatives, Rich always expressed genuine gratitude for the opportunity to serve a family in their time of need.

He was a member of the Greatest Generation, a label coined by broadcaster Tom Brokaw to recognize the contributions to humanity made by Rich and his colleagues in uniform in winning World War II. His lesson; serve at your own peril, for a cause greater than your own self interest. While only in the military for a brief time, Rich served, and served, and served his whole life through. Whether in personal service to families with special needs, or in civic endeavourers, Rich gave more than he ever expected to gain in return.

Rich also taught us to be willing to take risks. In the late 1960's Rich decided to focus solely upon funeral service, and in the process closed and sold the family's furniture store. A few years later, he closed the Geib Ambulance Service. While both businesses were viable, Rich believed in doing one thing, and doing "it" extraordinarily well.

This focus allowed Rich and his son, Rich II, to extensively remodel and expand the funeral home, earning them recognition for a level of quality that came to be known as the Geib Standard. Over the years, the Geib's took risks in opening one of the first family reception centers in the United States, one of the first crematories in eastern Ohio, and recently, a state-of-the-art, contemporary funeral service center, across from Dover Burial Park.

Rich's reward was to see these innovations adopted throughout funeral service, though never duplicated in the sincere, authentic, nurturing quality of the Geib Standard.

The company that began in 1846, and now passed through five generations of the Geib Family, will continue to be known for quality; remaining focused on serving families in the Tuscarawas Valley in their time of need.

Rich taught us that the calling of a funeral director is really one that requires a team effort – that all of the care and attention a grieving family requires is bigger than just one person. As he is laid to rest Tuesday at noon, his casket will pass through the hands of dozens of his colleagues known collectively as The Geib Family & Staff on his final journey to the cemetery.

We're grateful that Rich inspired us to believe that the nurturing flames of service can always burn brighter to provide warmth in a time of sadness. In lighting the way, he's charged us to carry forward the Geib Standard.

On behalf of my father-in-law, Rich II, my wife, Anne, and our committed colleagues at the Geib Funeral Home, we accept this charge, and pledge to continue to bring honor to his memory.

Go in peace Grandpa Rich – your rest is well deserved.

Brian Hanner is the vice-president and general manager of the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in New Philadelphia and Dover. Share comments or feedback with Brian by e-mail at bhanner@geibfuneral.com.

Some Great Reading - on Hope - and Opportunity

2009-02-17T21:37:00.005-05:00
US Airways Captain Chesley B. Sullenberger III - was thrust into the spotlight last month when his flight -1549 lost it's thrust and ditched into the Hudson River.

In this week's edition of Newsweek.com, Captain Sullenberger shares a message of hope - even in light of the hopeless situation he found himself in during the three minutes he, and the aircraft under his direction, found its way from the sky to the Hudson River.

An Exerpt:

"During every minute of the flight, I was confident I could solve the next problem. My first officer, Jeff Skiles, and I did what airline pilots do: we followed our training, and our philosophy of life. We valued every life on that airplane and knew it was our responsibility to try to save each one, in spite of the sudden and complete failure of our aircraft. We never gave up. Having a plan enabled us to keep our hope alive. Perhaps in a similar fashion, people who are in their own personal crises—a pink slip, a foreclosure—can be reminded that no matter how dire the circumstance, or how little time you have to deal with it, further action is always possible. There's always a way out of even the tightest spot. You can survive."

Read the Essay online at :

http://www.newsweek.com/id/184605

Best Practices for Blended Families

2009-02-10T22:42:00.002-05:00

This past week, Geib-in-Touch hosted an evening known as "Special Considerations in End of Life Planning". – It was an evening that called attention to the need for special considerations for blended families.

A blended family is one in which two adults come together later in life, typically with adult children from a previous marriage. The reality is that most of the information that was covered is also appropriate to share with many types of families.

Because experience has allowed us to serve families from many diverse backgrounds, we're able to share lessons learned from some of the more complicated situations we have encountered.

When blended families come together, they often bring two separate sets of beliefs, of religious practices and two separate sets of family traditions. Since funeral service combines all three, special attention to the needs and wants of survivors is necessary.

The most important component in bringing a blended family together is to communicate expectations within the new family unit. A widower, having buried two wives in his lifetime, has left instructions for his survivors to have him cremated, and his remains divided to allow him to be in two places at once upon his death; with both wives, one interred locally, and one in another state.

This decision involves not just his biological family, but also the surviving family members of his second wife, who have expressed complete cooperation with the widower's request.

Next, successful blended families have mutual respect for the traditions of their parts. This is best illustrated by a family we once served that combined the tradition of a traditional Christian graveside service with that of a Jewish burial custom of casting the first shovelfuls of dirt onto the casket and vault after it is lowered into a grave.

Blended families are best served when they are inclusive. They recognize the significance of one another. This can be done by simply including the names of extended family members in an obituary, and by taking the time to extend care and concern to one another.

For some blended families, complications arise. This is common if expectations are not properly communicated. If the family members of one spouse intend to make funeral arrangements for their parent, they may be surprised to know that Ohio law recognizes the "new" spouse as the legal next of kin, and thus the spouse as the person holding the premier right make funeral arrangements. If expectations are not clearly communicated, mutual respect shared, and inclusiveness placed as a top priority, complications abound

To equip families with the proper tools to discus and prepare for end of life planning, we offer important resources to foster communication. Additionally, when families want to ensure a specific outcome, and avoid complications, you can specify your burial arrangements and appoint a neutral third party, or trusted family member to follow the funeral wishes that you articulate, to be carried out upon your death. . Appointing a representative to this capacity supersedes Ohio's recognition of a surviving spouse, and others on Ohio's order of lineal descendants.

Blended families also face challenges in combining two households into one. Equally challenging is identifying what property is "his" "hers" and "theirs" when survivors begin to carry out estate settlement. It is a good idea to speak with an attorney to clarify the details of estate planning to ensure the wellbeing of relationships after we are no longer here to speak for ourselves. Your attorney, or one that specializes in estate planning and elder care is best equipped to assist you.

Two weeks ago, we wrote about our efforts to increase the visibility of funeral processions. I took several calls related to the article, and one bears recognition. One reader noted that he almost always travels in a funeral procession by way of his motorcycle.

His concern is that his motorcycle won't be noticed by passersby as a part of the funeral procession, and most motorcycle enthusiasts do not want a magnetic flag attached to their bikes… I'm pleased to report that we've found a solution. There are clip-on plastic flag holders that are specially made for the contour of motorcycle windshields.

The alternative that I suggested (tongue firmly planted in cheek) is to hoist a funeral flag a-la the Statue of Liberty – to which the caller replied – "over my dead body" – and I said "no – over your head on the motorcycle." – His answer "Click" - I caught the pun –a few seconds too late, and he had the last laugh.

See you in two weeks.

Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” a column appearing bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner ism the Vice-President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers located in New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e m a i l a t: bhanner@geibcares.com

Drive Carefully - Funeral Processions & Motorist Safety

2009-01-29T12:44:00.002-05:00
Lights Please! Funeral processions are getting dangerous.

My colleagues in funeral service are beginning to debate the safety of conducting funeral processions between the location of the service and the cemetery.

Presently, the longstanding tradition of processing between the church (or funeral home) and cemetery is marked by a carefully orchestrated lineup of vehicles, processing behind a funeral coach carrying the casket or urn.

Ohio Revised Code recognizes the need to yield the right of way to a funeral procession in section 4511.45. To participate in a procession, the law requires those traveling in a funeral procession to turn on high-beam (also known as bright) lights and to display purple and white pennants that must be attached to each vehicle in a procession.

An update to Ohio’s revised code allows for the use of bright orange and a white pennant flag to assist in the identification of car participating in a funeral procession – but is this enough?

Recent near-misses in funeral processions locally have lead us to add one step in preparing drivers for a funeral procession. Effective right away, members of the Geib Family & Staff will begin requiring those in a funeral procession under our direction to utilize their four-way flashing amber hazard lights.

We believe this additional step will help identify a funeral procession to other motorists. While not codified as part of Ohio’s revised code, we believe this additional step will increase the safety of those traveling in a funeral procession.

Despite the best efforts of police and funeral directors to mark every car participating in a funeral procession with bright lights and appropriate purple and orange pennants, caution must always be observed.

Please consider joining me in petitioning our state lawmakers to codify the use of four way hazard lights in a funeral procession. The addresses of our local lawmakers is included for your convenience. If you have encountered a close call in a funeral procession, perhaps your story will compel additional support to this cause. Our elected officials are as follows:

Allan R. Sayre,

Assistant Majority Whip

96th Ohio House District

77 South High Street, 14th Floor

Columbus, Ohio, 43215 – 6111

Mark D. Okey

61st Ohio House District

77 South High Street, 13th Floor

Columbus, Ohio, 43215 – 6111

Senator Jason Wilson

Ohio’s 30th District

Senate Building

Room # 050 Ground Floor

Columbus, Ohio 43215

Noted anthropologist, Margaret Mead, once said “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” We’ll see how a small group of committed citizens can make a difference in this effort. Thank you for your support. See you again in two weeks.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is the Vice-President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e-mail at: bhanner@geibcares.com

Green Burial Preview - Revisited

2009-01-25T07:40:00.000-05:00

The Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers of Dover and New Philadelphia have earned accreditation as the region's first approved provider of natural burial products and services by the Green Burial Council.

A special preview of our green, or natural burial, products and servics is set for this upcoming Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 6:30 PM in the Geib Funeral Center at Dover.

The evening program will feature the introduction of environmentally friendly, biodegradable caskets, burial shrouds and urns, including products made from bamboo and recycled materials.

We've sourced some casket manufacturing from local artisans in an effort to reduce the carbon footprint of our products.

Jennifer Quinn, the steward of Foxfield Preserve, Ohio's first nature preserve cemetery located in The Wilderness Center at Wilmot, just nine miles from the Geib Funeral Center, will be on hand to detail the conservation and ecological efforts underway at Foxfield Preserve. Quinn will discuss the nature preserve concept and how it blends environmentally into the Center's mission as a conservation organization.

Geib is this region's first provider to have earned accreditation from the Green Burial Council for its offering of conservation minded burial products and services. "The Geib organization is demonstrating visionary leadership in funeral service by embracing the consumer-driven trend toward eco-friendly burials" said Joe Sehee, executive director of The Green Burial Council.

This Geib-In-Touch event is free and open to the public, however reservations are recommended in order to properly prepare refreshments and seating. Please RSVP by telephoning (330) 343-5506 or by e-mail at info@geibfuneral.com.

A gift suggestion

2008-12-09T07:08:00.000-05:00
looking for a Christmas gift for a young lady or gentleman?

May I sugget the following books available for purchase from Amazon.com:

This book is going out to several young friends as they emerge from high school, college and from professional school. While no book is 100% relevant, this text is what many young adults wished they learned from their parents.

In a time when common courtesy seems to have become uncommon, I hope the book does some good for your friend or loved one.

How Visiting hours are determined

2008-12-07T06:31:00.000-05:00
Question: How are visiting hours determined? My friend's mother died and the family did four hours of visitation all at once plus an hour before hand for family viewing. It made for an exhausting 5 hour day. What ever happened to 2 to 4 and 7 to 9?

Answer: Your question is timely as the practicality of one visitation period is increasingly diminished due to early darkness associated with standard time.

For decades, if a loved one died, it was customary for a family to host visitation hours the day prior to a funeral service in both the afternoon, and evening. In a largely agrarian society – this model works well for dairy farmers and other's whose schedule requires an interlude between visitations to complete important work. As families encounter challenges in the way time is committed, customizing visiting hours to best serve family needs has become a necessity.

I believe that the best served family is one that has adequate time to interact with guests without exhausting the bereaved family.

That said, I offer the following from experience:

Calling hours 2-4 and 7-9 – are historically popular visitation periods, but today has limited effectiveness. Many older adults avoid driving after dark, and an afternoon visitation is ideal only on Sundays when many guests are not working. My experience with evening hours beginning at 7PM is that guests for evening visitation arrive almost immediately at the beginning of the allotted time. Attendance at visitation periods from 8 to 9 PM is almost non-existent - except for when a large line has formed.

Visiting hours in the evening only (6-8) are impractical in winter months because sunset occurs just after 5PM. An evening only visitation is more ideal in the summer months between 5PM and 7PM – hours that allow guests the option to come directly from work, or attend visitation later in the evening.

One drawback to a two hour visitation is the limited number of guests that can be accommodated. Larger families are better served with extended visitation periods.

Most families we serve between November and April (during darker winter months) prefer to host visiting hours between 4PM and 7PM. This extended time period accommodates both older adults who prefer to come and go before dark, and those who work in the afternoon, and can only attend after business hours.

The establishment of visiting hours must be balanced carefully. The comfort and needs of a family is of paramount importance, while experience in hosting visitations tells us that families and guests can be served well in tandem. In no instance do I recommend hosting more than three hours of visitation in one timeframe.

The most ideal setting for visitation hours for larger families, or when an unusually large attendance is anticipated is for establishing both afternoon and evening visiting hours. I recommend 2 – 4 and again from 6 – 8 in the evening – with the understanding that we don't just lock the doors and start the vacuum at 8PM – we remain on duty and at the service of a family and guests until everyone has enjoyed ample time to be together.

With the convenience of onsite family and reception centers, many families take advantage of the facilities between calling hours to enjoy a meal and relax in a comfortable environment.

Hosting a family meal between visitations also lessons the burden on families as well – eliminating the rush home, a quick meal, with clean up and then a hurried trip back to the funeral home.

Most families take advantage of this time to use the food gifts they have received from friends and neighbors, while some order take-out from a favorite food. Catering is also available for families from out of town.

The additional benefit to this family time between visitation periods is the rare opportunity for fellowship that only occurs at weddings and funerals – when we get to see cousins renewing relationships and older siblings re-telling tales of yesterday.

I hope the above options for visitations have been helpful to you in recognizing the plethora of options available to families today. If you have questions while pre-planning or making important decisions during a time of need, don't hesitate to carefully consider the best outcome for your loved ones.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is Managing Director of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e m a i l a t: bhanner@geibcares.com

Grief & The Holidays -A Guest Commentary by Dwight Mason of NewPointe Community Church

2008-11-28T07:08:00.000-05:00

Each quarter, our Geib-In-Touch Newsletter features a Pastor's Perspective. Different religious leaders take turns sharing words of comfort and faith. This season, the opportunity came to Dwight Mason, Senior Pastor of NewPointe Community Church. Dwight recently experienced the death of his mother, and his words were so compelling, I couldn't help but share them with you:

Dwight Writes:

One of the most common experiences after the loss of a loved one is fear of or reluctance to face the holidays. Going through those special family times without someone you have loved seems almost unbearable. Everyone grieves, but there are different ways. While no path of grief that doesn’t hurt another person is inherently wrong, there are some ways that are wiser and more helpful than others. God’s Word tells us to not grieve as those who have no hope. That simple statement informs us there are at least two ways to manage our pain—hopefully or with despair.

I am the youngest in a very close family, and my mother who lives just about a mile from me died in May. The loss is fresh and huge. We shared 4 decades of holidays together, and I will freely admit that there’s a big hole in the picture as I fast forward to the season without her. But I am choosing to grieve with hope. Let me share some of the choices I am making with you. It’s good to plan ahead so difficult moments don’t just sneak up on us and catch us off guard.

Think about the traditions of the holidays you shared with your loved one. Will it help you to continue them, or to discontinue some for at least this year? Maybe you will want to add a different twist this year. Don’t feel guilty if you change something; don’t think there’s only one way to do it.

Plan something with others in your family/friends circle to honor to person who has died. When we are awkward about bringing up the subject of our grief, it only gets harder. Plan ahead and discuss it so everyone will know. You could take turns sharing a favorite memory, set a special plate at the table, and everyone write a note and place it on the plate, adopt a person or family for Christmas and make their holiday special, work at a charitable service for the holiday…do something that fits your family.

Take care of yourself. Our bodies exhaust faster when we are grieving. Try to relax, sleep enough, eat well, and exercise. All of those will help your body support your spirit.

Embrace the ones who are still with you. Of course you need some time alone. But even Jesus when he was in great grief asked his disciples, his closest friends, to stay with him. They picked up his example, and grieved together after his crucifixion. They were all together when the news came of his resurrection. Spending time with others who share and understand your lost almost always leads to hope and joy.

Understand there will be waves of emotion you didn’t expect. It won’t mean you have lost perspective. It just means that the song you just heard or the ornament you just saw triggered an emotional release that you weren’t anticipating. Allow the fresh grief to wash over you, and then move on. Tears are healing and grief is a journey.

Plan for 3 significant things to happen at least weekly. “I will accomplish this goal.” Break down the overwhelming tasks into smaller tasks, and plan for the future. Looking positively forward and taking steps that direction always builds hope. “I will laugh and experience joy.” Take delight in small things, rent a funny movie, play with a baby. Plan it. “I will make a good decision.” Don’t make major life-changing decisions without time and the outside counsel of wise friends. In big areas, do as Benjamin Franklin did and make a list of the pros and cons.

Don’t try to “replace the loss.” Sometimes facing our losses is so scary we try to just fill in the gap as soon as possible. Our dog dies on Wednesday, and so we buy a new one on Saturday. We often try to fill in for our losses in ways that magnify our problems. Don’t rush into another relationship—it won’t kill the pain, it will only minimize the chances for your future happiness.

Don’t try to fill the gap with too many activities, buying things, or partying. All of those will leave you unsatisfied with debts and regrets. You have lost the presence of a PERSON. It is supposed to hurt. It will obviously take a while to get through. Allow yourself to feel the pain and the loss, and know that you are honoring the person you loved by handling yourself this way, and you are protecting your own future as well.

Deepen your faith. There’s nothing like grief to remind us that that most significant things in life are out of our hands. My greatest comfort and strength comes from knowing and reminding myself that there is a God who loves me enough to want what is best for me, is wise enough to know exactly what that “best” is, and is powerful enough to provide it for me.

Regular daily prayer, weekly support from a small group of fellow believers, and worship with my church family reinforce my good decisions and great days, as well as correct and adjust my days of struggle.

Grief is the journey not one chooses but everyone must take. We can choose to grieve with gratitude for the past and hope for the future. That’s my choice this year. Thank you, Mom, and thank you, God, for years of magnificent shared memories. I am looking forward to this year and all that follow with hope.

Visit Dwight's Blog, Pointe Blank.

Dwight Mason is the Senior Pastor of NewPointe Community Church, located at 3950 State Route 39 NW, between Dover and Sugarcreek. Contact Pastor Mason or any leader at NewPointe by telephone at (330) 602-5600, or online at newpointe.org

We Gather Together...

2008-11-20T10:08:00.001-05:00
With Thanksgiving less than a week away, it is time to share gratitude with those in our community who make life in our community above average.

Thanks to the Rotary Club of New Philadelphia – for their continued leadership with RTY and their long-term development of Tuscora Park. Our thanks as well to this group for their continued support of Storybook Lane – also presented at Tuscora Park. As the parents of a one and a three-year old, Anne and I can count on many, many visits to the illustrated nursery rhyme display lit nightly between Thanksgiving and New Years Day.

We appreciate the ongoing efforts of the volunteers and caregivers at Hospice of Tuscarawas County. We have come to know many of the most dedicated caregivers personally over the years, and they have our deep admiration for their ongoing commitment to helping those in the twilight of their lives, lead life to the fullest.

Thanks to those in our community who responded to the needs of neighbors and friends during Tuscarawas County’s unfriendly encounters with Mother Nature. We endured a second “once in a lifetime” flood within a few years, and later in the summer, encountered hurricane-force winds, stranding many residents without necessities that many in our generation have come to rely upon. The outcomes of these disasters are clear: that our community is stronger – because of the decency and goodness of neighbors who take care of one another.

Poll workers – the unsung hero’s of Election Day. Having two precincts at the Geib Funeral Center in Dover allowed me to see firsthand the dedication of poll workers – onsite at 5AM – and leaving only after all of the records were matched properly – as late as 10PM -- is impressive. The employers who give their staff time off to participate in the electoral process, is also worthy of recognition.

Volunteers in our local churches, each of whom contributes to making a family’s farewell to a loved one a bit brighter. Volunteers participate in a variety of ways, but most always include those who prepare food for funeral receptions, those who plan and perform musical tributes, clean sanctuaries and other public areas of the church.

Volunteers are also plentiful at area nursing homes, and at the Hospitals – where they help to direct visitors, and coordinate activities for residents and patients.

We salute those men and women in uniform who serve as law enforcement and rescue personnel. Too often we see their lights and hear their sirens on area roads. Their willingness to come to the rescue of strangers is admirable, until you meet many of these dedicated individuals, - and realize that their work is really the highest and best use of our time as humans. It is not only admirable, but very rewarding work – according to those who serve.

Consider taking time between now and Thanksgiving to list the blessings that you encounter in your life. You’ll find much more satisfaction on Thanksgiving if you go into the day armed with gratitude for the goodness of our creator, and our neighbor.

While too much turkey may give you a bellyache – a long list of blessings will only help in chasing away the blues that come with the shorter days of the coming season.

More than 75 attend Hopsice and Geib Veteran's Day Presentation

2008-11-12T10:44:00.001-05:00

Veteran's day is celebrated throughout Tuscarawas County in a variety of ways.

Thanks to Casey Rippel, the director of provider relations with Hospice of Tuscarawas County, more than 75 veterans and their special guests were on hand at the Geib Funeral Center in Dover on Veteran's day for a special tribute and pinning ceremony.

The keynote speaker for the event was Major General Robert D. Hass, a native of Strasburg, who recently was inducted into the Ohio Veterans Hall of Fame.

A special moment in the evening was when representatives from Hospice pinned Debbie Cook, the direcctor of the Tuscarawas County Veteran's Service Offfice.

Veteran's from World War II, The Viet Nam and Korean Wars, Granada, The Persian Gulf War, and Operation Iraqi Freedom were on hand to receive honors.

We salute all area Veterans, and their families - This day, and every day.

A Tribute to Our Veterans

2008-11-11T18:17:00.001-05:00
Today is Veterans Day 2009.

As I made my way to an out-of-town meeting in Pittsburgh this morning, I heard this tribute to Veterans on WKSU - our local NPR station.

Grab a tissue, and take a listen.

Click here to listen to The NPR Tribute.

Let's all go thank a Veteran today, and with more regularity, on a daily basis.

The Death of a Pet

2008-11-09T21:06:00.005-05:00
Q: My daughter's dog died last weekend and she wasn't there to say goodbye. We used your pet crematory and are very pleased with the urn, paw-print and special care that you took with our beloved Gizmo. My worry is that my daughter will not stop asking about when she can see Gizmo again. Our friend suggested getting a new dog– but I'm not ready to take on a new puppy right before the holidays.

A: Pets represent some of the most faithful relationships we humans have in our lifetime. Whether a dog, a cat, or other special animal, it is hard to put to words just how we feel when we say goodbye to our furry loved one. Tears come, and despite the relief that many feel when a pet's suffering comes to and end, our need to mourn the loss of our pet becomes paramount.

Your daughter may not have had the opportunity to say goodbye – but that does not mean that you can't still create an opportunity for her to say goodbye.

But first – a few words of caution:

Since we don't know from your e-mail how old your daughter is, it is worth sharing that most experts agree that children younger than about 7 or 8 have a hard time understanding that death is a permanent, non-reversible event.

Secondly, I'll resist the temptation to discuss what happens to a pet after death, since different religious perspectives offer myriad views.
Finally- take your time finding a new pup for your family. It will not be quite as easy to replace all of the losses your family will encounter as quickly. Use this period of separation from a pet as a teachable moment for your household.
Now – a few suggestions in creating an opportunity to say goodbye:

Begin by asking your daughter what she thinks happened to her dog Gizmo. She may know more than you think – and by allowing her to articulate in her own words, what she thinks happened, you can better prepare your response.
Avoid using terminology that is unclear – like "Gizmo has gone to heaven, or he has gone to sleep." - This sort of description infers that is Gizmo has gone away – he can easily come back. Since all of us sleep – it may seem normal for your daughter to expect Gizmo to wake up again.
Since Gizmo won't wake up again, begin by explaining that your dog was lucky to have such a great family to care for him… That nothing we do can keep Gizmo young forever. Explain that since Gizmo died, that he won't again use his body. Equally, he won't need to go for walks, or eat, or bark or play. Therefore, we won't be able to see Gizmo as we remember him with our eyes.
Now that you have the urn containing your pet's cremated remains, you may want to consider burying the urn at your home. Ask your daughter if she would like to help say goodbye to Gizmo by coloring a picture from memory of her favorite time with Gizmo.

If she is older, the coloring may seem a bit trite, but perhaps choosing a site for the burial of the urn, or if the urn is to be kept – ask her where she would like to see it kept in your home.
Don't be too alarmed if, for a while, the urn has a very prevalent place in your home. The dining room table or the bedside stand may be an ideal temporary home, but after a while, the pain of separating from your pooch will subside for everyone in your household – and the time and place will ideally present itself for a final goodbye of your beloved Gizmo's urn.

The Geib Lending Library is an excellent resource for families encountering grief. Located in our downtown New Philadelphia funeral home, the lending library is home to "When A Pet Dies" by the late Fred Rogers – that's Mr. Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood fame – who in 1988 – wrote a nice children's book on the death of a pet.

The library is open whenever the funeral home is open. To reserve this title, simply call or e-mail be at the address below, or click on the link above to purchase a copy from Amazon.Com.

Oh Where Oh Where did October Go?

2008-10-26T21:43:00.007-04:00

Where did the month of October go?

Regular readers to this Ask The Director blog may well be asking the same thing.

In my nearly two years of writing for The Bargain Hunter and for the past 12 months, the online blog, I’ve made it a priority to publish with regularity.

The problem is… I’m human.

…And I’ve made other things a priority in the last few weeks.

My son turned three this month.

Three days later, my daughter celebrated her first birthday – actually we celebrated her birthday, she made a mess of her little cake.

We paid our first visit to a pumpkin patch as a family – completed a hayride – despite it’s correlation with naptime and lived to tell about it.

Anne and I took a few days to spend together in Washington DC early in the month. She went to college there, and I visited her there regularly, so we renewed some friendships along the way.

October was also a watershed month in the life of First United Methodist Church, where I’m not only a member, but also charged with the duty of chairing our building committee. This month, our congregation met and 95% approved of a plan that we’ve developed with a native architect.

October is also a planning month for the Geib Family & Staff. We work, both as a group, and individually, to plan improvements to the quality of service we provide, to build budgets and to think carefully about maintaining the reputation set by our predecessors.

My wife, while the fifth generation in her family to take ownership and operation of the funeral home, together with me, is actually the eighth generation of leadership since the Joseph McElroy Co. was established in 1846. Without very strong community support, we would have faded from the landscape a long time ago.

Our promise to the community, in exchange for such support, is to never tire, to preserve the relevance of funeral service in the Tuscarawas Valley, and to help those in our community to prepare for an inevitable day in the future, when they will require the services we seek to perfect every day, one family at a time.

- So, what sort of planning is necessary in the operation of a funeral home?

As a small business, we are not immune to the pressures our colleagues face when opening the doors to their shops and businesses up and down High Avenue and Broadway.

Recently, a major casket supplier announced double-digit cost increases for the coming year. We are actively evaluating our options – as such an increase is not, and will not, be acceptable given the present economic outlook in our region of Ohio. Instead, we are partnering with casket manufacturers and distributors from Canton, York Pennsylvania, Aurora and Batesville Indiana, Canada, Mexico, and even the Far East to present more affordable options for families choosing burial.

At a time when it is needed the most, we’ve expanded our options for families who desire a payment plan for a funeral account. Ninety days, same as cash, and both six and twelve month payment plans are available to families who qualify.

There are projects, ongoing, that space will not permit me to share, but I think you get the picture.

All of us have months like October.

And frankly, if something has to give – I’d rather it be “posting” to a web blog, and not my relationship with the families we serve, or the one I go home to at night.

I’d be remiss not to mention one other very important event during the month of October. The Geib Center at Dover was host to its first wedding ceremony. My assistant Laura became the newest Mrs. Breehl. Her honeymoon over the last week left the office a bit shy – but it was never too much for great people like Robin, Mike, Steve, Jeff and Nathan to manage. – Upon her return, she’ll know how very much we missed her.

So with that, we’re off to what will be a busy November. Aside from our service to families, we’re collaborating with Hospice of Tuscarawas County to present a Veteran’s Day tribute – with details to come in a very near post.

All of this and the leaves outside my house are just starting to fall…

Death Education Begins at Home

2008-09-26T04:06:00.002-04:00
Question: I visited your funeral center not long ago with my children to attend the wake for a young lady who is a sister to my son's classmate. Since then my son has had constant questions about dying, from how dead people eat to where they spend the night. I'm doing the best I can to answer his questions – but some of them have no real answer. Please share any suggestions.

First – Thank you for visiting your son's friend and his family. By giving of your time and presence, you've identified yourselves as a family that recognizes how significant your relationship is with the grieving family. When flowers have faded and the food is eaten, the memories of your visit will last forever.

Know that you did the right thing by taking your child on a visit to the funeral home. Preparation for such a visit is important. Begin by discussing what to expect when visiting the funeral home.

Specifically set the expectation that your child may see adults who are emotional. Since youngsters take their cues from adults, it will be important for your son to have an early expectation that he may see ladies or gentlemen crying.

Discuss seeing the body of the person who has died. Explain that the person will only appear to be sleeping. Choose your words carefully– because we want to be clear that death is not sleeping – lest a child later fear going to sleep.

Your child should expect to greet members of the deceased's family. Since we don't always verbalize our feelings well, it may be a helpful to have your child paint or color a picture that describes the person who has died. Such a picture can be presented to the family, or placed in the casket.

In a 1996 Harvard study on bereaved children, the most often used word to describe feelings following a visitation or funeral was "shock". If we take time to prepare youngsters for the visit, we can reduce the "shock" effect – and replace it with a more appropriate feeling.

A first encounter with death can and should be as natural as a first encounter with eating at a restaurant, or brushing our teeth. A carefully worded set of instructions and clear expectations are keys to success.

Despite our feelings about death, research shows that children do make an effort to understand death when it effects their lives – and the nurturing way in which we talk about death can lead to a meaningful understanding of just how special we living-beings are to one another.

Those in social services have a variety of opinions regarding what exact age is right for encounters with death. Rather than set an age, I think it is important to assess the maturity of the child.

When in doubt – ask the child if they want to attend a visitation or funeral. An affirmative answer means laying some important groundwork outlined above – while a "no" can be an opportunity for some questioning: Why would you not want to attend? What do you think happens at a funeral? How will you say goodbye? By exploring the feelings behind the answers, parents gain insight into their child's awareness of death.

There are three main goals that experts suggest be communicated to children regardless of their age when discussing death:

The first goal should be to understand the finality of death. Once a human dies we won't need food or water and we won't need to go to the bathroom or sleep. Spiritually we can explore what it means to move from this world to the next, but I think it is best to help communicate that death is final, then begin religious education on resurrection after the groundwork defining death is laid.

Next, we need to share that death is universal to all living things – in that everything that lives will one day die. Our deaths are only somewhat predictable – in that we expect to live into old age –but even the definition of old age changes as we progress.

Finally, we should communicate that death is irreversible – except for supernatural or spiritual beliefs, we should not expect to bury grandpa again next week. Death has occurred and therefore mortal life cannot occur any longer using the body that has died.

I hope this column has done some good in providing some discussion points for parents of young ones. When a person visits a funeral home, with proper expectations set, the work ahead is then a matter of truthfully answering the questions of our young ones.

Exploring Cremation

2008-09-22T17:11:00.008-04:00
If you died tomorrow and intend on being cremated, would your loved ones know exactly what to do?

Is identification required before cremation takes place?

How is your physician's schedule related to the timing of cremation?

Where does cremation take place? (and other important questions anyone considering cremation should ask BEFORE choosing a cremation provider).

Join the Tuscarawas Valley's cremation experts, the Geib Family & Staff, for our tenth annual presentation of Exploring Cremation - an examination of the practice of cremation, how it happens, and what a family should expect when a loved one chooses cremation.

Tuesday evening, September 30, 2008 at 6:30 PM in the Geib Funeral Center at Dover.

A tour of the Geib Crematories will follow a fact-filled presentation.

A reservation for seating - (330) 343-5506 - is all that is necessary. Desert and beverages are always provided - the reservation ensures that we have plenty to share with guests.

The evening is presented free of charge by the Geib Family & Staff - who are committed to preparing families to properly face the inevitability of death in a manner that provides supportive, factual and relevant information.

How Do I Honor Dad's Wishes?

2008-09-11T04:55:00.001-04:00
Q: My father came to live with me & my husband following a divorce after 57 years of marriage. I have one brother. My father has told me of his wishes when he passes away, he also has a will. He has told me that he does not want my brother to attend his funeral, I agree that it is a reasonable request, however I don't know if there is a way to keep him from the funeral home. Can you please advise?

Dear Reader, your challenge is not uncommon. Today, families face complicated dynamics that require careful planning. Since your father has expressed his wishes to you, and you've shared that he has a will (of which I will assume he has made you executrix) then his wishes appear to be clear.

Unfortunately, a will is usually not read until well after funeral services are arranged. Worse yet, even as executrix, you may not have clear authority to prohibit your brother from trying to arrange and direct details related to your father's funeral.

Ohio law provides a clear chain of authority for funeral directors to follow in determining who has the paramount right to arrange funeral and disposition details:

The initial right goes to a person who is legally appointed by the deceased to arrange and direct funeral services through a properly executed Appointment of Representative for Disposition form.

Next, Ohio law recognizes the right of a surviving spouse. Since your father is recently divorced, there should be no one claiming authority in this capacity.

Following a surviving spouse, the right to arrange and direct funeral services falls to surviving, adult children (who, in the case of more than one, jointly and severally, share the right to direct funeral arrangements.) - This is where I am concerned that your brother could become involved by necessity in the arrangement of dad's funeral, and subsequently, his attendance could become a reality.

To ensure your fathers wishes are followed, I suggest you have him appoint you his representative to claim authority for his funeral services upon his death. This capacity is very similar to a power of attorney (except – a power of attorney ceases upon death – and a representative power to determine funeral arrangements does not become effective until death).

This appointment would elevate you and supersede any other person in the eye of Ohio law -- and would prevent the funeral director from having a potential conflict between anyone else who might share your present status, namely your brother.

Once you have clearly made your wishes to the funeral director known, you can ask that he contact law enforcement authorities if your brother attempts to attend your father's visitation or service.

I know of no funeral director who checks i.d.'s at the door of the funeral home, so he or she will have to rely upon you or a designated member of the family to identify if your brother as an unwelcome guest.

I am surprised by the number of funeral and legal professionals who do not utilize the available appointment of representative powers to better settle potential difficulties within families. Your attorney should have access to a simple document that can be completed by you and your father in very short order.

If your legal professional is not available on short notice, or is not aware of Ohio's Appointment of Representative law, please contact me directly (phone number and e-mail address below) and I will gladly send along a form, free to families we serve, along with instructions on its proper completion.

Since the document will become a legal instrument it is important that it be signed by a notary or two unrelated witnesses.

Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” a column appearing bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is Managing Director of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers located in New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e m a i l a t: bhanner@geibfuneral.com

How Sad...

2008-09-10T07:33:00.004-04:00

Those who spend time on the world wide web likely have heard of a site known as PostSecret.

PostSecret is an ongoing art project that invites folks to send their secrets through the mail on one side of a post card.

A gentleman named Frank gets thousands of post cards each month, and plucks the “best of the best” for posting on the web each Sunday.

While there is content that is not suitable for young eyes on a regular basis, the emotions one feels while checking out the secrets vary between awe – and repulsive to emotionally heart wrenching, this post card touched me.

I suspect that not a one of us who has lost a pet can’t relate to the experience.

More over, many grieving the loss of a loved one have difficulty visiting the grocery store because of the emotional connection to foods, scents and the like. Cranberries at Thanksgiving make me sad because we no longer celebrate Thanksgiving the way we did when my grandmother was living.

Feel free to share your thoughts here – and relate to this feeling of loss by clicking on the "comment" button at the bottom of this post.

Note: I did not create a link to the PostSecret website due to the occasionally edgy content. Life is edgy – and if you are interested in viewing more "secrets" – google the name of the site, and you’ll have no trouble tracking down a link.

Green Burial Council Approved

2008-09-04T21:31:00.000-04:00

The Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers of Dover and New Philadelphia have earned accreditation as the region's first approved provider of natural burial products and services by the Green Burial Council.

A special preview of our green, or natural burial, products and servics is set for this upcoming Thursday, September 18, at 6:30 PM in the Geib Funeral Center at Dover.

The evening program will feature the introduction of environmentally friendly, biodegradable caskets, burial shrouds and urns, including products made from bamboo and recycled materials.

We've sourced some casket manufacturing from local artisans in an effort to reduce the carbon footprint of our products.

Jennifer Quinn, the steward of Foxfield Preserve, Ohio's first nature preserve cemetery located in The Wilderness Center at Wilmot, just nine miles from the Geib Funeral Center, will be on hand to detail the conservation and ecological efforts underway at Foxfield Preserve. Quinn will discuss the nature preserve concept and how it blends environmentally into the Center's mission as a conservation organization.

Geib is this region's only funeral provider to have earned accreditation from the Green Burial Council for its offering of conservation minded burial products and services. "The Geib organization is demonstrating visionary leadership in funeral service by embracing the consumer-driven trend toward eco-friendly burials" said Joe Sehee, executive director of The Green Burial Council.

This Geib-In-Touch event is free and open to the public, however reservations are required in order to properly prepare refreshments and seating. Please RSVP by telephoning (330) 343-5506 or by e-mail at info@geibfuneral.com.

Nearly 70 turn out for the kickoff to the Autumn 2008 Geib In Touch season.

2008-09-04T20:27:00.001-04:00
(photo courtesy of Diane Scherer)

Fred Miller of the Tuscarawas County Historical Society has done it again. For five years now, we've partnered together to renew interest in our area's most historic cemeteries.

Thursday's visit to the historic Gnadenhutten Cemetery was no exception. With 67 guests in tow, Fred introduced some of the county's first residents – living among the Delaware Indians – and county elected figures. The evening concluded with a visit to the gravesite of the memorable Henry Spring – the forefather of the county historical society, who is also credited with securing the support for the construction of the Trumpet In The Land Amphitheater.

We thank Fred and those in Gnadenhutten, including Chuck Miller – who prepared a great evening of learning and sharing of knowledge.

The Autumn Geib In Touch Season continues on September 10 with an exploration of Advance Funeral Planning at 6:30 PM in the Geib Funeral Center at Dover. Seating is limited to 15 guests to ensure an intimate setting where everyone's questions can be answered completely.

Please call to reserve your seat today at (330) 343-5506. See you there.

A Labor Day Salute To Those Who Serve

2008-09-01T06:10:00.003-04:00
Today we observe Labor Day,

While many see this day as the final hurrah of summer, it is also a day to recognize those who make things happen on a daily basis across America.

Allow me the opportunity to share my appreciation for members of the Geib Family & Staff – those who I have the privilege to serve alongside when caring for those who experience a loss.

It has been said many times; it takes a special person to do the work we in funeral service are called to do.

At a moment's notice members of our care team know they may be called upon to devote themselves to a family in need.

My favorite Bible verse comes from the Apostle Paul’s letter to the early church at Ephesus:

I Paul, a prisoner for the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the life to which you have been called. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

(Ephesians 4:1-3) NIV

I read these words as marching orders for fostering an environment at Geib for those who head the call to serve.

Providing funeral service isn’t easy.

It shouldn’t be.

When the day comes that we are called to serve your family, know that there isn’t a person among our staff looking for an ‘easy day at the office’.

Instead – we’ll be the most talented and able caregivers you’ve ever encountered.

These words are more than a part of our mission statement. These words challenge us to continually improve the care and attention we give to the families and communities we serve.

We set and hold to high standards at Geib.

We hold high levels of accountability for those who serve on our team.

Today, and everyday, Rich, Anne and I say thanks – to those answering the call to serve hurting people as members of the Geib Family & Staff.

Click Here to learn more about those we serve alongside.

Click Here to learn more about joining the Geib Family & Staff.

Headstones of Our History to Kickoff the Autumn 2008 Geib In Touch Line Up

2008-08-28T05:54:00.000-04:00
Tuscarawas County is celebrating its bicentennial throughout 2008 – and we’re lending a hand with the kickoff of our autumn 2008 Geib-In-Touch series with my favorite event of the year:

Headstones of Our History – featuring Fred Miller, president of the Tuscarawas County Historical Society.

Join Fred and our staff as we explore the historic Gnadenhutten-Clay Union Cemetery in the village of Gnadenhutten.

The event is set for this coming Thursday evening, September 4, at 6:30. The program will last about an hour, and will feature a visit to our county’s oldest known grave.

The evening is free and open to all – but we ask for registration in order for us to have enough printed guides for all guests. Dial 330.343.5506 to register, or e-mail Robin Mackey at info@geibfuneral.com with you name and the number of guests attending with you.

No Waiting Room or Urn Closet at Geib

2008-08-24T22:40:00.003-04:00
An article in one of last week’s edition of the daily newspaper gave my neighbor some good ammunition for our weekend gathering in his backyard. He read of a funeral home in Toledo that is trying to find the rightful home of dozens of unclaimed human cremated remains.

This of course has caught the attention of the Toledo Blade, which featured the story of a 75 year-old lady who remembers losing her father when she was 8 years old. She remembers her father’s funeral, but says her mother “just never brought it up” when referring to what happened to her father’s cremated remains.

My neighbor wanted to know right away “how many urns you have” in what he jokingly called our “waiting room at the funeral home”. – It is a great question – one that I believe should be asked when selecting a funeral or cremation provider. – Why would a funeral home keep any remains and not return them to the rightful owner?

I was pleased to respond that we have no “waiting room” at the funeral home, and not a single unclaimed urn in our care.

This was not the answer the neighbor wanted to hear. “But the article said that every funeral home in Ohio had urns that have never been picked up” he argued.

It turns out that the newspaper article quoted Ann Cunningham, the executive director of the Ohio Board of Embalmers and Funeral Directors who said – in the article “Probably every funeral home in the state has cremated remains that aren’t picked up”.

I beg to differ.

The idea of allowing cremated remains to gather dust in a funeral home doesn’t seem to honor the spirit of our relationship with a family.

In fact, when a family chooses cremation in our Geib Crematory, one of the dozens of details that we navigate is the return of the cremated remains to the proper owner.

In some instances we are directed to deliver an urn to a cemetery for burial, with or without ceremony. Occasionally we are asked to assist in the scattering of the cremated body over private property, or an ocean. Most often family members ask us to return the urn directly to them.

We take seriously the care of those entrusted to our care. When authorizing cremation, a family is informed of a contingency plan for the care of cremated remains if a family abandons an urn or refuses to take custody of their loved one. Since our insurance carrier provides coverage for an urn only up to 30 days, we may transfer an urn to a bank safety deposit box for an additional 30 days.

If the person responsible for care of the urn declines the cost of the safety deposit box, we are able to deliver the urn to the superintendent of our local cemetery for burial in a grave.

Despite having such a policy in place, we have never had to use it – as the families we serve are usually more than willing to have the remains of their loved one reunited.

How then, do funeral homes get into the uncomfortable position of holding unclaimed human remains in their possession?

I have a hard time answering that question. We funeral directors should be able to track down the families we are serving and reunite the urn to a family.

At Geib, we not only maintain a written record of an urn we have under lock and key, but also an electronic alert of urns that are in our care.

As for the funeral director in Toledo, his 38 abandoned urns have decreased to 30 as of this writing. The funeral home is closing its doors and plans to bury any remaining urns in a common grave if relatives are not able to be located soon.

And a happy ending for the lady who found out the remains of her father were kept for the past sixty-seven years? – She has them on a dresser in her guest bedroom – not sure what, if any, future plans are in store for them.

The Freedom to Grieve Without a Checklist

2008-08-15T07:11:00.004-04:00
Question: I’m spending the first summer of my adult life without my husband of thirty-six years. His death came after more than a 20 month bout with cancer, and although I have my pastor and friends who are very encouraging, my yearning for him seems to be getting deeper and not lighter as days go by. When should I consider seeking professional help? I don’t want to seem eager to move beyond our life together, but I miss him now more than ever.

Comments/Answer: Thank you for your letter. I trust that your friends are well-meaning and have the best intentions. They are likely offering support based upon the expectation that grief occurs in stages, due to the work of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who, as an early clinical psychiatrist developed what many will recognize a model regarding “stages” of grief that bears her name.

The Kubler-Ross model of grief, also known as The Five Stages of Grief, was actually created to contemplate the mindset of terminally ill patients as they come to terms with their prognosis. The stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Unfortunately, the five stages have since been widely adapted from their original use for terminally ill patients to applying to survivors of a loved one's death. With this adaptation an unnecessary expectation is placed upon all of those who suffer a loss that you must “work through” the stages of grief as if it were as simple as checking off the weekly grocery list.

It is my recommendation that you seek professional help now, not as a consequence of the feelings that you are encountering, but more so because of the benefits of talking openly about your loss with a professional who can offer guidance in coping with your feelings.

You may be experiencing complicated grief, in that your emotions have been purposefully delayed in an effort to “stay strong” for the benefit of those immediately around you. Since every loss is unique, your journey in grief will also be unique.

Emerging research by Dr. Robert A. Neimeyer, suggests that a better position on grief is to understand that when we experience a loss, that we never fully resolve grief from that experience. Instead, we build upon our coping skills to prevent grief from interrupting our daily lives. Thus, a loss remains part of who we are, forever. Dr. Neimeyer has written more than 20 books, many of them on topics related to coping with loss.

Some encountering grief may be surprised to learn that unresolved grief from a previous loss can complicate their current experience. Many therapists begin a relationship by charting the losses a client has experienced in life. You may find this exercise helpful at home.

Begin by creating a timeline from your earliest recollections to present. Next, list the losses you have encountered. Don’t be ashamed to list the death of a pet, or an extended relative -- If you are able to recall the loss, take the time to chart it.

Once the losses are in front of you, assign a number to the loss so as to create a scale from the most to the least painful. This step may take some time, and cause you to make difficult choices. Ultimately, the most painful loss is the loss that should require your prompt attention.

Don’t be surprised if the most painful loss is not the most recent loss. An elderly lady who lost her husband discovered that she had never really been permitted to grieve a miscarriage early in marriage, that is, until her husband died.

Grief is not new, but modern society marginalizes death. We’ve taken the experience of death out of our daily lives. We’ve kept the youngest members of our family from encountering and therefore experiencing the death of a loved one. In doing so, we’ve made losing a loved one not only an emotionally difficult time, but also an alienating experience.

In my work as a funeral director, I regularly assist middle aged adults in planning the more intimate details of a funeral ceremony because they – in 30 or 40 years, have never before attended a visitation or funeral service. Many don’t know what to say, do, or expect at such an event.

Compare our society with that of our Amish neighbors, who hold a home wake for several days during which time, guests number in the hundreds, if not thousands. The guests generally are also of the same faith, and attend to provide aid and comfort to the family.

In the Amish culture, death is understood and plays a prominent role in the lives of each believer. Their Society pauses to observe the death, surround the grieving families with support, and allow them to resume their life in the community that honors their personal loss.

I’m not suggesting that we revert to home wakes for days at a time, but I do believe that we are shortchanging ourselves when we don’t adequately observe death in a way that allows us to appreciate the full measure of our mortality as humans. Such appreciation includes receiving support and acknowledgment that life is precious, and that each day should be lived to the fullest extent possible.

While there is no substitute for professional help, we have posted several links to informative websites for this reader:

The Center for Loss is lead by Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a noted author and grief educator.

GriefNet.org is an Internet community of persons dealing with grief, death, and major loss.
The Center for Loss & Life Changes is a Kent, Ohio, based organization operated by Dr. Jane Bissler, who has recently authored a book that I highly recommend.

Brian Hanner answers Ask The Director, a bi-weekly column appearing in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is the managing director of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers in New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached at bhanner@geibfuneral.com or by telephone at (330) 343-5506.

An archive of Ask The Director columns appears online at: http://www.geibcares.com/

Back from a Summer Break

2008-08-11T16:38:00.004-04:00
Regular readers to this blog have noted a lull in new posts recently.

As it is with any sort of responsibility, a reprieve from my newest duty as a blogger can be expected from time to time.

Especially when family vacations are at hand.

Ask anyone that grew up in the household of a funeral director; the families of those who serve the bereaved offen get little, if any, of the attention due a spouse and kidders.

Thanks to a really great and efficent group of leaders on our staff, I am able to take a week in July and August to spend together with my wife, son and daughter.

Aside from a trip to the Columbus Zoo, lots of smimming, and a few dates with my wife, the time away from the daily responsibilities at the funeral home have been busy with meetings, family visiting from out of town, and my summer reading.

While I'll spare you pictures of the happy family at the Zoo, I will take time to share some of my favorite books from my recent read-a-thon. I read 150+ pages a day while on vacation. So be on the lookout for a few quick book reviews in a forthcoming post.

Also - July was the month that this blog had the greatest number of visitors.

Most of them, were colleagues in funeral service as two articles The American Funeral Director focused attention on Geib's innovative web presence, including the function of this blog.

I was a panelist on a telephone/web seminar regarding blogging in funeral service, and recieved several dozen questions from local readers for the real purpose of this blog; to answer questions regarding funeral service and other end of life options.

While we've ansered the questions individually, it will take some time to publish the previously unanswered questions in this format because content has to be modified, which allows us to publish without disclosinng the identity of the sender.

All of this to say... Thanks for the break - I hope that Summer 2008 is as special to you as it has been to us.

The Economics of Natural Burial

2008-07-17T06:32:00.001-04:00
In a post earlier this week, we answered questions about how a green, or natural cemetery is different from a typical cemetery. In this post, we'll outline how natural burial costs are comparable and contrast from traditional burial.

Question: How are the costs of green burial comparable to cremation or typical burial?

My answer, is that it depends. Here's why…

What you won't use in a green burial:

A burial vault (expect to save about $1,000).

The cost of metal caskets vary widely, (between about $2,000 and $3,500 on average) as do caskets of hardwood construction – although The Wilderness Center will accept bodies wrapped in a sheet, or shroud, for burial, similar to Muslim burial custom.

Embalming varies from funeral home to funeral home, and while I can't speak for all funeral directors, the cost for vascular embalming at Geib is, $545, the same amount for providing bathing and providing topical sanitary care and deep refrigeration of the deceased for up to a week, while a physician signs a death certificate and families coordinate final arrangements.

A family could save about $1,000 by not utilizing a burial vault, and a couple thousand dollars if they opt for burying a loved one in a sheet or shroud instead of a casket. Such a savings could then go toward cemetery expenses.

The Wilderness Center plans to charge four thousand dollars for the purchase of a single grave at-need, and an additional one thousand dollars to open and close the grave on a weekday. They will sell graves at a discount on a pre-need basis.

At The Wilderness Center, the graves will be widely spaced, such that density for an acre of land will not exceed 200 burials per acre, about a quarter of the density for typical cemeteries such as Dover Burial Park, which charges $525 for the purchase of a grave and an additional $570 for weekday opening and closing of a grave.

It is best to characterize the total cost of burial in a nature preserve as similar to that of typical burial, understanding that the cemetery charges will be greater, with vault and casket costs all but absent.

While final preparations for the opening of the cemetery are underway, The Wildreness Center has hired Jennifer Quinn, to serve as the steward of the nature preserve cemetery. Quinn is available to provide tours of the land and helpfully answer your more detailed questions.

She can be reached by calling the Wilderness Center at (330) 763-1331.

How a Nature Preserve Cemetery is Different

2008-07-14T09:30:00.004-04:00

Word of the opening of Ohio's first nature preserve cemetery made headlines in newspapers across the state in late June.

Many reporters have labeled the project a green cemetery, but my observation is that The Wilderness Center's (TWC) Executive Director, Gordin Maupin, prefers to think of the site first and foremost a nature preserve, and a burial ground second.

When I first learned last year that The Wilderness Center had applied with the Ohio Department of Commerce to receive approval to operate a natural cemetery, I felt a sense of relief.

The investment in cemetery infrastructure is not only cost prohibitive but the long-term operational costs of a typical cemetery are not attractive to corporate entities. Thus, most cemeteries in this part of Ohio are operated by community governments or churches. The Wilderness Center is a not-for-profit land trust and nature center lead by a board of directors and executive team that will take the obligation of operating a cemetery seriously. With the oversight and support by its board of director's I have every expectation that the families choosing a natural burial will be served in a first class manner.

So, what makes a green cemetery a" green cemetery"?

The regulations for burial are more stringent than most cemeteries. First, The Wilderness Center prohibits the use of an outer burial container or vault. Nearly every other cemetery in our area requires the use of an outer burial container to prevent the surface of the gravesite from sinking over time.

While such sinking is natural, most cemetery operators want a flat surface to avoid tripping hazards and to ensure the safe operation of heavy equipment such as mowers and excavators over graves on a regular basis. At the Wilderness Center, burials will be in areas that will not have heavy equipment or foot traffic. Several trails are planned for the cemetery area, with burial sites adjacent to, and off the planned paths.

Next, TWC prohibits burials of bodies that have been embalmed. Except in certain special cases, embalming is not required by law. Embalming may be necessary for selecting certain funeral arrangements, such as a funeral with viewing.

At the funeral homes we operate, embalming is required if the deceased is to be encountered for any type of viewing in our public visitation rooms or chapel. We believe that the public has an expectation that funeral providers have made every effort to disinfect and sanitize a deceased person presented in a public area of a funeral home.

The Wilderness Center will also not permit such viewing in their facilities that they make available for rent. Alternatives, such as viewing the deceased for identification purposes by way of a photograph, exist with many funeral providers, including ourselves.

The Wilderness Center also prohibits use of a metal casket. Until about a hundred years ago, wood caskets were the norm for burials in North America. Once Henry Ford got good at stamping steel for automobiles, metal casket stamping soon followed.

Use of metal caskets by families arranging for burial reached its heyday in the late 1960's and 1970's. Today, about half of the families we serve choose a metal casket, while the other half selects a casket of wood construction. The Wilderness Center will accept caskets made from any type of biodegradable construction – but prefer that they not be highly polished, stained or varnished.

While final preparations for the opening of the cemetery are underway, The Wildreness Center has hired Jennifer Quinn, to serve as the steward of the nature preserve cemetery. Quinn is available to provide tours of the land and helpfully answer your more detailed questions.
She can be reached by calling the Wilderness Center at (330) 763-1331.

Here is a link to The Wilderness Center website, which has much more detailed information.

Join us for an Evening of Barbershop

2008-07-10T11:59:00.001-04:00

It's become a Tuscarawas Valley Tradition.

The Summer Showcase at Tuscora Park is widely attended each Sunday evening from Memorial Day to Labor Day.

Over the years, the Geib Family & Staff have sponsored the presentation of the Schoenbrunn Valley Barbershop Chorus as part of the Summer Showcase.

Join us this Sunday, July 13, 2008, at 7PM in the beautiful Tuscora Park Ampetheater for this year's presentation of Barbershop at its best!

As usual, the Geib gang will be on hand to offer some relief from the summer heat. My wife, Anne Geib-Hanner, prohibits me from promising ice cream or popsicles, but rest assured, you'll enjoy a tasty cool treat this Sunday on us!

See you there!

Making Anatomical Gifts

2008-07-02T07:29:00.003-04:00
Q: I want to donate my brain to an organization in Maryland that studies a rare disease that I have. Not long ago, I was told that the State of Ohio did not permit donation of any body parts to an out of state recipient. Can you clarify whether or not such a donation is permitted, and what I should do to make my wishes known?

A: The above was a paraphrased version of letter that I received last month from a reader who wants to donate his brain as a way to increase understanding of Distonia, a neurological disease that limits his ability to control contraction of muscles in his body. While I followed up on a more personal basis right away, I thought more than a few readers would find this information helpful:

The State of Ohio regulates anatomical and organ donation through the Ohio Revised Code, chapter 2108.

According to Ohio law, a person may donate his or her body or body parts for medical research upon death. A person desiring to be a donor may pre-register through the Bureau of Motor vehicles, and by clearly specifying to his or her legal next-of-kin, a desire to be a donor. Just because a person has indicated he or she wants to be a donor on driver's identification is not sufficient to begin the donation process. Instead, your legal next of kin must also authorize any donation of body parts. The use of the motor-vehicle registration is simply a way for a family to affirm their decision to allow donation.

This week's reader was particularly interested in making a donation to the Brain and Tissue Bank at the University of Maryland at Baltimore. After speaking with the brain and tissue coordinator over the telephone, she assured me that the organization has participated in the recovery of such a donation from all across the nation. The most likely scenario is for the donor's brain to be harvested here in Ohio, then delivered to Baltimore for study.

Like many other research centers, the University of Maryland does not promise that it will accept such a donation in the future. The coordinator shared that they are inundated with callers offering the study of their brain for Alzheimer's Disease, and has to turn away all but a handful of donors.

Thus, the brain and tissue bank strongly encourages a potential donor to pre-register with their office. Such registration will aid officials in determining donor suitability and expedite the coordination of services here in Ohio for the school to facilitate recovery of a donated brain.

I was unable to find any prohibition within the Ohio Revised Code or Administrative Code that prohibits the author of this week's question to donate his brain to an organization outside of Ohio.

Since I do not want to end up in jail over the 4th of July weekend, I'll add that this is not intended to be legal advice, and that only a properly admitted attorney can disseminate legal advice.

It is also helpful to know that the Baltimore-based brain and tissue bank has received a donation of this kind from Ohio previously.

More information on the Brain and Tissue Bank at the University of Maryland at Baltimore is available online at: http://medschool.umaryland.edu/BTBank/ or by telephoning: (800) 847 – 1539.

As a promise to the author of this week's question: more information is available on Dystonia online at: http://www.dystonia-foundation.org/

It is my hope that the prayers and best wishes of all who read this column will be with those afflicted with this neurological disorder.

There are many who are interested in learning more about making anatomical gifts upon death. In a near-future column, we'll review the choices local families have in donating the remains of a loved one to a medical school.

That's it for this week. Have a safe and memorable Independence Day 2008 – the 232nd anniversary of our declaration of independence from Great Britain.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is Managing Director of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e m a i l a t: bhanner@geibfuneral.com

Memorial Contributions

2008-06-30T07:04:00.000-04:00
Question:

If I have made a memorial contribution, do I need to send a note to the family, or will the family get a list of contributors?

Response:

The best answer is: It depends!

If you are sending along a contribution to a local charity, such as Hospice, or the Rainbow Connection, or to a local church, it is helpful to know that the local charity will usually send along an acknowledgement of your gift both to you, and to the designated contact for the surviving family.

Such an acknowledgment usually does not have the amount of the contribution disclosed to the family member, and such information us usually treated as confidential by the charity.

If a contribution is made to a charity of the donor's choice, then it may be more difficult for the charity to track down a recipient for acknowledgment. In such an instance, if you are sending a contribution, take a moment to insert the mailing address of the person you would like notified of your gift.

At the funeral home, we provide envelopes for memorial contributions that have designated lines for such notification. These envelopes are available at both visitation and funeral ceremonies, although our office will gladly mail a designated envelope to your attention if you are unable to attend visitation or services.

That's it for this week. Thanks for the patience of those readers who sent along this week's questions. We'll do our best to get each topic covered, without repeating content. When folks do send along questions that have been answered previously, we do reply with a personal answer. – Remember the only bad question is the one that goes unasked.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is Managing Director of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e m a i l a t: bhanner@geibfuneral.com

Pallbearers

2008-06-25T07:45:00.001-04:00
Question:

How are pallbearers selected? Is family traditionally excluded from taking part? Are pallbearers paid for their role?

Response:

Pallbearers are special people selected to carry a casket, usually from the funeral coach to the gravesite at the cemetery. Pallbearers are sometimes used ceremonially during funeral held in a church.

I encourage families to choose six pallbearers from a group that may include grandchildren, nephews, co-workers, close friends, members of the same church, or social club, among others.

While not every pallbearer has to be a male, it is practical to think about the nature of the service provided by a pallbearer. The heavy lifting is best left to those prepared to carry a casket in a cemetery.

Thus, while six pallbearers are normally sufficient, occasionally, a family may add an extra pallbearer when the casket will journey farther than normal.

In most instances, pallbearers are grandchildren, or other young relatives of the deceased. In an instance where a person who dies has no surviving family, members of our staff, and the cemetery and vault company staffs will perform the duty.

Pallbearers are not typically paid, although I have observed many generous gifts provided to those who serve, usually grandchildren getting some item or token of appreciation.

In days gone by, pallbearers wore white gloves and wore special boutonnieres to signify their role in the service. Most of the formality has eroded from today's service, and pallbearers are used less for ceremony, and more for practicality.

Last autumn, a reader inquired as to the history of the term pallbearer. The research lead to a
column dedicated to the topic, and can be found in the topic section to the right of this text. Click on Pallbearers.

Funeral Receptions & Who to Include

2008-06-20T07:41:00.001-04:00
Question:

Is it proper to invite people to a funeral luncheon? How or where do you draw the line?

Answer:
This question is one that many families come across when planning a funeral reception.

Unlike a wedding, no formal invitations are sent, although an announcement of the reception is often made both in the obituary, and also at the conclusion of a memorial or funeral service. You can usually count on about 80 percent of the guests for a funeral or memorial service to attend a reception.

This equation does not satisfy most reception planners, so we conduct a rough count of family members, and increase the number by a third or a half, depending upon the anticipated attendance for a funeral or memorial service.

It is also helpful to know that food for thirty can usually be stretched to serve 35. Food for 50 can feed 60 and food for 75 can accommodate 90 or so guests, so long as the meal is considered a reception, and not a family feast.

The writer asks "Where do you draw the line?" – and while I am guessing that she means… "do I have to invite my inlaws?" – I want to suggest that thanks to many who work behind the scenes to produce receptions following funerals, there is little, if ever, a need to "draw a line".

Helping families to overcome the need to "draw a line" is the responsibility of your funeral director. Remember, we funeral planners are hired to worry while you take care of the important task – spending time with your family in a way that fosters memories – not worries.

Celebrating and Remembering our Fathers

2008-06-15T13:34:00.005-04:00
Not a day passes in our work with the bereaved that we do not get to appreciate the full measure of fathers in the lives of their children.

During our tenure with surviving members of a family, funeral directors get an inside look into the character of a father. I consider this view THE great privilege of our work.

I once met a man who recalled for me that his father made extraordinary efforts care for his family:

"We didn't have a lot of money," he began. "When we sat down at the table, dad lead us in Grace, then passed the dinner platter so that he was the last to receive it. "

"Even though he was the last to take food from the plate, dad still only took a small portion, and would pass the plate back to me and my brother, and admonish us to eat well. "

"Reflecting on this action then, I realized that dad may have gone hungry, just to make sure that I was raised strong and healthy."

Dr. Steve Bailey of New Philadelphia's First United Methodist Church, in his 2008 Father's Day sermon reminded all of us that contemporary fathers have many responsibilities that could take away time from a family, and that the great measure of a father is not his memberships in clubs, or success in business or civic endeavors, but instead, fathers today will be measured by the character of their sons and daughters.

The families we serve inspire us with stories of their fathers. Even by those who have learned how not to be a father by the actions of their own fathers, may this day of celebrating dads renew our efforts to thank the men of character who have shaped us.

May we too be ever mindful that young eyes are upon us, with great expectations.

(Me and son Jacob making a quick first visit to the ocean earlier this year)

Happy Father's Day!

Brian

Remembering Tim Russert

2008-06-13T19:40:00.008-04:00
People around the world are learning of the unexpected death of Tim Russert. NBC News Washington Bureau Chief, and Moderator of Meet The Press. Mr. Russert collapsed in the NBC News Bureau this (Friday) afternoon as he prepared for this weekend's Meet The Press.

Russert will be remembered as the Best of the Best among political and news reporters. Yet, Tim lead his news team in a way that many will try to emulate in the coming years. He was not just another talking head, he was the coach, the patriarch of NBC news in Washington.

His sudden death will be felt by millions of Americans who have come to count on Russert for his strait shooting interview style, and double-fact checking reporting. People will miss the integrity of a man like Russert.

It is important for members of the Russert's media family to have the time they are taking now to memorialize him. They, like any of us who have ever lost a leader, a beloved member of a family, or special friend, have a need to tell and re-tell "war" stories and special memories.

Friday Evening's NBC Nightly News was dedicated, in its entirety, to remembrances of Tim. The network has set aside another hour this evening to memorialize him. In a way, we lay people are watching those closest to Mr. Russert, pay tribute to him in a way that we do when a member of our own family passes.

We gather and tell stories.

We express appreciation for a life well lived.

We lament the untimely passing of a loved one.

We surround the survivors with support, in the form of prayers, presence and memorial gifts.

Share your memories and condolences with the Russert and NBC News family by clicking here.

View the transcripts of Russert's memorialization: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25148636/

View a beautiful tribute to Russert in Somewhere Over The Rainbow: " frameborder="0" scrolling="no">

Pets on Parade

2008-06-05T07:48:00.000-04:00
Join us Saturday, June 14 from 9AM to 11AM on the grounds of the Dover Geib Center, where we're once again partnering with Petz Place, and WJER Radio to bring pet owners professional photography, pet care awareness and an all around great way to recognize the furriest member of the family.

Together with our partners, we're providing a 4 x 6 photograph of your pet for just five dollars.

Our friends from the Tuscarawas Valley Kennel Club will be on hand to share resources for area pet owners.

WJER radio will broadcast live and share door prizes with pets and their owners.

The first twenty families to arrive receive their photograph free of charge.

Hospitality is provided by our hostesses at Geib, who will serve complimentary continental breakfast to our guests.

Pets on Parade is made possible with the collaboration between Petz Place, WJER, and the Geib Pet Crematory, as our way of showing our appreciation to pet families for their support and friendship.

See you, and your pet, at the Dover Geib Center on June 14th.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is Managing Director of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e m a i l a t: bhanner@geibfuneral.com

Perking Up Sad Pets

2008-06-01T07:15:00.005-04:00
Q: Do Dogs grieve? My neighbor had two dogs until the older one died in early May. Since then, the surviving dog has refused to eat. My neighbor has to hand feed his dog, and even then, the dog only takes a few morsels. Is there therapy for dogs?

A: All living, feeling beings express the stress and feeling of loss that comes with the death of a companion in different ways. While I can't emphatically tell you that your neighbor's dog grieves the loss of its companion, there are some behaviors that many veterinarians recognize as anxiety when a pets routine changes following the death of its master, or fellow pet:

First, many vets report restlessness among pets that experience a loss. A constant search for a now deceased companion throughout a home, or family property is not uncommon. One vet reported that a dog spent a week at the door between the house and the garage where the pet anticipated the return of a companion dog that was euthanized.

Pets can express their yearning for one another vocally. Wining and yelping and howling are not uncommon as the surviving pet continues to search for his or her lost companion.

A change in eating and sleeping habits are reported in more than two thirds of instances when a pet was separated from its companion in a 1996 study conducted by the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

For some pets, the frustration of separation from a companion manifests in bad behavior. Destroying furniture, urinating and defecating in uncommon places, are examples of more extreme instances of poor behavior.

It is important to know that in all of the above instances, the pet is communicating anxiety with the separation of a companion. How you respond to such a need from a pet can make a big difference.

Consider starting new a new routine with your pet. Additional walks, more playtime, or simply brushing and fussing over your pet will go a long way in providing therapy for the anxiety the pet feels from the separation of its companion.

Finally, seek the help of your veterinarian, especially if the pet is not practicing self care – as this week's reader noted that her neighbor's dog was not eating, except from the hand of her owner.

There is mixed opinion among veterinary professionals regarding the helpfulness of replacing a pet with another animal immediately following the death of a pet.

Your veterinarian will provide the best advice for your situation, as individual attention to the specific needs of your pet will yield the best result.

Consumer Concerned by Funeral Plan

2008-05-28T17:07:00.002-04:00
"Thirty Seconds" is a daily Column on their Opinion/Editorial pages of The Times-Reporter.

In addition to being the home to humorous musings from local residents, it is also THE place to turn to when blowing off steam in a very public way. A reporter once told me that the single call that generated the most response was when, in the mid 1990's, a person suggested banning left handed people from bagging produce, and using the little plastic tabs to secure the bag.

Imagine my surprise when the following comment appeared in Monday's edition of The Times-Reporter:

"Buyer beware, read the fine print. I paid up my funeral arrangements in 1986. Now all I have left is the original investment. There was no interest, nothing added onto that to meet current expenses. This is a national scandal. A senior citizens’ magazine recently wrote an article about. There are good funeral homes, so better check yours."

It looks like the caller had a bad experience with a funeral home.

This afternoon, I submitted the following reader's viewpoint to the Times-Reporter:

May 28, 2008

To the Editor,

A caller in Tuesday’s Thirty Seconds column reported investing in a pre-paid funeral arrangement in 1986, then learning that only the original investment, without interest was available. As a funeral director who assists families in pre planning, I feel compelled to offer my assistance.

The State of Ohio heavily regulates funeral pre-planning and requires pre-paid funeral funds to be managed by one of the following methods:

A specialized life-insurance policy is purchased to cover the current cost of the funeral, by the consumer, in lieu of directly pre-paying a funeral home. Ownership and beneficiary status of such a policy is held in trust until a death certificate is furnished, thereby releasing the death benefit to the funeral provider.

The growth of the insurance policy is used to apply against the actual cost of the funeral when the services are held. The typical growth rate is 3 to 4 percent on such a policy, and many funeral providers personally guarantee that the growth on such a policy will fully cover the costs of the funeral home’s products and services.

The other investment option is payment into a managed trust, the interest of which grows over time in a way similar to insurance outlined above.

When the caller noted that the pre-paid funeral received no growth, I question how such an investment was legally held between 1986 and present.

I invite the caller to contact me at (330) 343-5506. Together, we can review the contract that you signed with your other funeral home and try to provide some professional direction.

Alternately, the Board of Embalmers and Funeral Directors of Ohio can investigate your claim.

Their office can be reached at (614) 466-4252.

Yours in Service,

Brian J. Hanner
Certified Pre-Planning Consultant
Vice President & Managing Director
Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers
New Philadelphia & Dover, Ohio

An Historic Cemetery Tour

2008-05-27T00:57:00.001-04:00
We never tire of hosting Fred Miller, president of the Tuscarawas County Historical Society, at our Geib In Touch events.

In April, Fred lead a group of more than seventy guests on a nostalgic photographic tour of downtown New Philadelphia.

This week, Fred returns to present Headstones of our History, my favorite Geib-In-Touch program of the year.

It is not too late to register for our 6:30 PM Thursday, May 29, tour of New Philadelphia's Historic Fair Avenue Cemetery.

We'll meet in the Geib Family Center at New Philadelphia, then make our day down the block to the cemetery where Fred will introduce us to the leaders of yesteryear.

Whether you are a history buff, or are a parent of a youngster in our community looking for a way to impart local history, you'll find Fred's tour well worth the while.

Make Memorial Day 2008 a Worthy Day of Remembrance

2008-05-20T06:47:00.002-04:00
This week we pause to observe Memorial Day. Many veterans still call it Decoration Day – out of respect for the act of placing a flag and decorating the graves of those who have died while in service to our nation.

This year marks the 140th anniversary since General John A. Logan, Commander-In-Chief of the Grand Army of the Republic (the Union Army) set aside a day for "for the purpose of strewing with flowers or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, (now known as the Civil War) and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village, and hamlet church-yard in the land. In this observance no form of ceremony is prescribed, but posts and comrades will in their own way arrange such fitting services and testimonials of respect as circumstances may permit."

My late grandmother told me of a time when she was a little gal, in the late 1930's, that the last surviving civil war veterans paraded into Fair Street Cemetery for a ceremony held at the groundskeepers building.

Later the Avenue of Flags, at East Avenue Cemetery, would attract thousands of visitors over the Memorial Day holiday. Families of veterans donated their loved one's casket flag for use on poles positioned around the cemetery in a corridor of red, white and blue.

Today, veteran's organizations hold observances around the county. In Dover, we gather at Maple Grove Cemetery, in New Philadelphia, on the courthouse square, amidst the monuments dedicated to those who have fallen in defense of our country.

This memorial day, I encourage you to participate in the ceremonies planned for your community.

Dover: May 26, 10A.M.
A parade steps off from city hall and processes to Maple Grove Cemetery for a ceremony at about 10:30.
Dover's Memorial Hall is the designated rain location.

New Philadelphia: May 26, 10:45 A.M.
A parade begins at First Christian Church and processes to the courthouse for a program to begin at approximately 11AM.
New Philadelphia High School is the rain location for the program.

Twin Cities: May 26th starting Early!
A parade forms at bridge between Dennison and Uhrichsville at 7AM for procession to St. Mary's Cemetery for a 21 gun salute, then to the Haverfield Memorial at Uhrichsville Park then to Dennison Depot and on to Union Cemetery to pay homage to the Civil War Monument.

Sugarcreek: May 26th 9:15 A.M.
A parade begins at 9:15 from the home of Dave Shutt on West Main Street, and processes to East Lawn Cemetery for a program.
At 10:15 a wreath laying ceremony will commence at Union Hill Cemetery.

If you seek a deeper way to involve yourself, or are unable to attend the community observances, consider the following:

In May, 2000, President Clinton initiated a National Moment of Remembrance at 3PM on Each Memorial Day. In his executive order, Clinton asks that all Americans join in a moment of silence, or alternately, in observing the playing of Taps, as a reverent way of unifying to observe a solemn time.

Fly the flag – from sunrise until noon – at half staff. From noon until dusk, raise the flag to full staff.

Visit a local cemetery and take a moment to clear away debris and weed around the graves of veterans.

Make a contribution to the Tuscarawas County Veterans Coordinating Committee, in care of the Tuscarawas County Veterans Service Office, PO Box 807, New Philadelphia, OH, 44663. This committee of volunteers from local veterans organizations helps to coordinate activities on special days like Memorial Day and Veteran's Day

Finally, join me in saying a prayer for those families who feel the pain of loss on Memorial Day, and every day because of War. We're especially mindful of the sacrifice made by the families of

Spc. Richard A. Hardy of Dennison on October 15, 2005,

Sgt. Jeremy D. Barnett of Mineral City on February 24, 2007,

and

Spc. Keith V. Nepsa of New Philadelphia on June 2, 2007.

May we always remember the sacrifice made by these men who are
Our Hero's

and forever,

America's Hero's.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is Managing Director of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e m a i l a t: bhanner@geibfuneral.com

A long-distance request

2008-05-12T10:53:00.001-04:00
Technology is a wonderful thing.

I mean it.

Just a decade ago, something like a web log dedicated to answering questions about funeral service would have been the dream of a really creepy science fiction writer, or industry insider.

While most of the readers to this site are local to the Tuscarawas Valley (if you live here, you know how to pronounce it) this little corner of web-world has earned some attention from those within funeral service.

Thanks to search engines like google and yahoo, the content gets returned as a hit to those curious about funeral service the world over.

Last week, I received the following question from a funeral director in California:

###
To: Brian
Subject: Gauge of Stainless Steel Caskets

Why am I unable to find (via the internet) any site that will specify the thickness (gauge) of a stainless steel casket?

In trying to update our Casket Price List to comply with California State Law, I have been unable to find a delineated gauge or thickness for "Stainless Steel Caskets."

Is the gauge of stainless steel a matter of national security?

-Steve

###

If this were Casey's Countdown of the most popular songs for the week, I'd get to say it… but writing it is the next best thing…

Steve, here's your long-distance request and dedication:

Gauge (for those following along from outside of funeral service) is a unit of measurement used to describe the thickness of metal needed at a given rate to equal one inch of thickness.

For example, a sheet of steel that measures 20 gauge, would require 20 sheets of metal at that given thickness to equal one inch of thickness.

The higher the number, the more sheets of metal required to equate one inch of thickness, and therefore, the thinner the metal.

10 gauge steel is twice as thick as 20 gauge steel.

In the making of carbon steel caskets, there are three typical weights:

Light weight steel – articulated as 20 gauge steel

Medium weight steel – known as 18 gauge steel (this is the thickness of a majority of caskets provided in our region)

Heavy weight steel – also known as 16 gauge steel

This week's writer was questioning the thickness of stainless steel caskets, not the above made of carbon steel.

According to my source within Batesville Casket Company, all gauges are expressed as a range instead of as a nominal number. Both basic and premium stainless steel caskets fall into the 20 gauge range.

Gauge measurements can also be articulated on this chart courtesy of wikipedia.

I hope this helps our colleague in California. We'll gladly answer questions from far off places, while maintaining a site that is educational and helpful to families we serve, right here in the

Tusc (pronounced like an elephant's tusk)

a (short a)

raw (as in uncooked)

us (as in you and me, and NOT another name of a mule or donkey)

Valley.

A Lesson in Remembrance... On The Centennial of Mother's Day

2008-05-11T09:42:00.004-04:00
While mothers have been honored the world over for centuries, Mothers Day 2008 is recognized as the Centennial Mothers Day here in the United States.

Credit is given to a lady named Anna M. Jarvis, who herself, never had children, and never married. In fact the mother’s day service that she organized was actually done to memorialize her own mother, Anna Reeves Jarvis, who had died several years prior.

The origin of Mothers Day ought to be an inspiration for those who perhaps feel “motherless” on this holiday. Jarvis’ mother had taught Sunday School for more than two decades at Andrews Methodist Church at Grafton, West Virginia. Ms. Jarvis petitioned her church superintendent to set aside the second Sunday in May for the service in remembrance of mothers.

Among other details of the first Mother’s Day:

The first Mothers Day celebration attracted more than 400 guests at Grafton, WV.

Ms. Jarvis used white carnations (her mother’s favorite flower) to honor those mothers in attendance.

The same year, Nebraska Senator Elmer Burkett, at the urging of the membership of his YMCA, introducted legislation in the United States Senate to make Mother’s Day a national holiday.

In subsequent years, Mother’s Day observances were held in all but two states. The World Sunday School Association took up the cause to get national recognition for Mother’s Day at the urging of Ms. Jarvis. As a result, West Virginia became the first state to officially recognize Mother’s Day as a holiday.

President Woodrow Wilson acted two years later, officially setting aside the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day.

As we set aside this day to celebrate all of the gifts that our mothers bring to us, remember that faith allows us to celebrate their lives whether they are seated beside us this afternoon at a Mother’s Day Buffet, or whether they live in our memory, and reside in a better place.

The Catholic Faith & Cremation

2008-05-07T16:35:00.003-04:00
Q: My family has always held the view that as Catholics, we cannot be cremated. I know that at one time, it (cremation) was considered taboo. What is the official church position on cremation for a Catholic?

A: The Catholic Church references cremation in the 1918 Code of Canon Law by stating "the Church permits cremation, provided that it does not demonstrate a denial of faith in the resurrection of the body." (#2301) Previously, the church held that earth burial in a tomb was Christlike, and that destruction of the body by cremation denied the resurrection of the dead and the immorality of the soul.

Catholics are now able to choose cremation "in case of necessity" according to a 1997 publication from the National Conference of Catholic Bishops titled "Reflections on the Body, Cremation and Catholic Funeral Rites", although "The Church earnestly recommends the pious custom of burial be retained; but it does not forbid cremation, unless this is chosen for reasons which are contrary to Christian teaching". (Code of Canon Law, # 1176, revised 1983)

When a family chooses cremation, the Church prefers that the body be present for a Funeral Mass, then cremated following committal rites. The church does permit, when not practically feasible for the body to be present, the cremated body "enclosed in a fitting container or worthy vessel" to be present at a Funeral Mass.

Why such concern for the body, one may ask? People of Catholic faith believe that care for the deceased emphasizes the dignity of the human body. Proper care of the body following death emphasizes the church held belief in personal resurrection.

Following a Funeral Mass, and once cremation is completed, church preference is for the cremated remains to be buried in a grave or committed to a niche in a columbarium at a consecrated cemetery. Scattering cremated remains over private property or at sea, or retaining the cremated body in the home, is considered contrary to a reverent disposition of a body.

Local Parish Priests will gladly answer your individual questions regarding cremation. One local Priest commented to me that the Church has never been against cremation as much as the Church has been more in favor of burial or entombment because it more closely aligns with the example Christ set with his death and resurrection.

Finding The Words (and Tune) To Your Favorite Hymn - Online

2008-04-25T09:51:00.000-04:00

Since taking on "Ask The Director" in late 2006, many e-mails have dealt with songs or musical tributes. Many people have trouble recalling the specific name of a hymn or wish to print lyrics to a favorite hymn in a memorial folder. Still others use the history of a hymn (It is Well With My Soul, for example) to memorialize a loved one.

We're pleased to provide the following link that I use on a regular basis to assist families in their time of need:

http://www.cyberhymnal.org

Many families I've served have come with words to hymns but without the proper title, or music. Thus, the above site has proved helpful more than once. It is easy to navigate, and very responsive to "suggested titles."

Note that there are a few variations on lyrics – so be certain that if you use it to select music, that the version used in your church is similar to that demonstrated online.

Enjoy searching, and perhaps planning, music for a special service.

Outlining Common "Other" Costs Associated With End Of Life Planning

2008-04-22T08:56:00.002-04:00
Q: I see on a television advertisement for life insurance that an average funeral costs more than six thousand dollars, not including cemetery and other costs. What are those "other costs" and what is an accurate amount for me to set aside for use by my family upon my death?

A: This week's reader must be referencing a commercial that uses a survey from the National Funeral Directors Association – conducted in 2001 (yes, seven years ago) that notes that the average price of a medium-weight steel casket and typical services of a funeral home (including professional services, embalming, and use of the funeral home's facilities and transportation services) total just more than six thousand dollars. The reader astutely noted that there are cemetery costs that are not included.

One of the cemetery costs not contemplated in the survey is the purchase of a burial vault or grave liner. The average cost of such a purchase ranges from about several hundred dollars for a slab concrete grave liner, to about a thousand dollars for a typical concrete air seal vault. More premium concrete and steel made burial vaults range in price from about 1,200 to more than 2,000 dollars.

Other costs not included in the 2001 survey include:

Cemetery Opening & Closing Charges… This price varies dramatically from one cemetery to another, depending upon which cemetery you select. Costs vary from about $325 for some religious and rural cemeteries to $890 at a local private cemetery contemplating a weekday opening and closing. The cost to open and close graves on weekends and holidays are greater.

Obituary Publication Costs… In Tuscarawas County most families utilize the Times-Reporter – and most obituaries are affordably priced between $50 and $75 depending upon length. As we publish obituaries in larger markets, in Canton, Akron or Cleveland for example, the costs go up exponentially. An obituary that may cost $75 here may run as much as $275 in Canton or Akron, where the obituary is charged several dollars per line.

An Honorarium for the Ceremony Leader (usually a minister)… While every situation is unique many families choose to set aside at least $100 for a minister's honorarium. Such an honorarium is considered a gift from the immediate family to the officiant for the preparation involved in performing funeral rites. Customs vary widely by circumstance. Some ministers forward an honorarium to a church memorial fund; others politely accept it and use the gift to offset living expenses.

Like a minister, any musicians expected to perform for funeral rites have invested preparation, practice, and have dedicated themselves to performing under emotionally charged circumstances. Honorariums vary widely by musician, from as little as $50 to several hundred dollars depending upon the express wishes of the musician. Your funeral director will coordinate between the musician and the family to ensure a perfect outcome.

Family Floral Purchases… Typically comprised of a casket spray, or baskets of flowers for either end of the casket. Such arrangements signify the relationship between the deceased and the immediate family. Some families we serve choose to use script on a ribbon to endear the deceased "beloved mother" "sister" "darling daughter" are all examples used to memorialize a loved one. A floral spray reflects the taste and preferences of the family. Subsequently, an "average" floral spray cost is hard to pinpoint, given the choice of more than a dozen area florists. Families can invest between $100 and $500 for a floral spray – and get a commensurate outcome.

Food and Catering Costs… Nearly half of the families we serve ask us to arrange some degree of catering, from coffee and other beverages, to complete meals for post-funeral receptions. While a menu can be customized to accommodate any family's desired tastes, it is best to set aside between $8 per person for luncheon type meals, and $12 for a hot dinner selection. These costs are abstract, but none the less, helpful when planning. As an aside, funeral meal planning is not an exact science. Unlike weddings, where those planning the event have a "count" for a meal, funeral planners have a best guess – typically measured in groups of 10. Food for 30 can feed 35, food for 50 can feed 60. Food for 80 can feed 100 guests –depending upon the menu selected. Your funeral planner can help you frame a "best guess" for planning purposes.

Certification of Copies of a State Death Certificate… The State of Ohio, Bureau of Vital Statistics empowers local health departments to serve as registrars of birth and death records. Death certificates are deposited by your funeral director at the appropriate health department, where certified copies are made, and returned to the funeral director for delivery to the family. Certified copies of death certificates cost $20 in Tuscarawas County, and slightly more in at least one neighboring county. These fees are set by guidelines from the state, and are levied by local boards of health. Many families require at least three to five certified copies of the death certificate, but of course, your number will be specific to the needs of your family.

Cemetery lettering… meaning the engraving of a date of death on an already set monument. The cost for such a engraving ranges in cost from about $80 to more than $130 depending upon the type of lettering required and the provider you contract with to complete the project.

This list is not meant to be all-inclusive, but hopefully it covers the typical expenses a family encounters outside of the realm of the often-quoted study now seven years old. I hope this outline helps readers and their families in adequately preparing for end of life costs. We will gladly set aside time to review individual costs customized to meet your specific needs. Call to arrange a no cost or obligation consultation with one of our licensed funeral planners.

Brian Hanner answers “Ask the Director” a column appearing bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is Managing Director of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers located in New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e m a i l a t: bhanner@geibfuneral.com

Katie Couric On Condolences

2008-04-17T17:32:00.001-04:00
Katie Couric penned an article in the current edition of Newsweek that touched me.

Ten years ago, Couric, the now anchor of the CBS Evening News, was America's darling hostess of The Today Show on NBC. Couric was also the wife of Jay Couric, who was dying of colon cancer.

Couric's daughters were age 6 and 2 respectively, too young to read and to comprehend the words that the family recieved in the form of condolence letters from hundreds of concerned friends, celebrities, and viewers.

Click Here to get a link to the article on newsweek.com.

Katie closes the article with an upbeat note. Her daughters will now get a glimpse of their father through the eyes, storys and words of those who shared memories ten years ago.

Today, the internet allows us to share memories and condoelences with those who have lost loved ones. Clicking Online Obituaries & Condolences from the main site will take you to a list of familes that we currently serve. Once there, click on the memorial of the person you wish to view.

Sending concolences is just a click away.

Worried that the family won't see the message? We'll personally print, and format the message that you send to fit perfectly into the guest registry book that the family used for visitation and services.

Many in the funeral service profession thought this was a very impersonal way of sending condolences in the early years of the internet.

Today, as many as 500 unique visitors come to geibcares.com each day to view obituaries and send condolences. On behalf of the families we serve, thank you - for visiting and for sharing your memories and condolences.

The moments that Ms. Couric describes in her brief article - the tentative feeling while beginning to read them - which then melts into wonder, humor, and fulfillment - is possible not just for television news anchors - but for all of us who share the common bond of remembrance.

Help Me Help My Brother

2008-04-15T07:13:00.001-04:00

Q: I have been urging my brother, who has never married, and who has no children, to put his affairs in order. He won't hear of it. Instead, he says that the government will take care of his medical and funeral expenses because he is a veteran. I just know that I will be the one to make all of the decisions. I had to do so for my parents and I'd rather not be second guessed by my other siblings again. Any advice? Regular Reader

A: Thank you for writing Regular Reader – who incidentally sent her question by way of U.S. Mail. At the bottom of the column we list the telephone and e-mail address, but this week, we'll also include a mailing address for readers who do not have access to the internet.

I suspect that many readers feel similar frustration with the lack of preparation some relatives have made for the inevitable. There are a myriad of excuses that can be used to put off end of life planning.

I suggest that our Regular Reader take the following steps to help her brother:

First, since your brother suggests that the government will take care of his medical and funeral expenses, plan a visit to the Tuscarawas County Veterans Service Office. Such a visit will clarify exactly what medical benefits are available to your brother. It is best to call ahead, and schedule an appointment at (330) 339-1163.
While there, you and your brother can also clarify if he is eligible for burial in a veteran's
cemetery. Depending upon eligibility, a veteran may be entitled to a free grave, grave liner, grave opening and closing, and a bronze grave marker. Similar benefits are also available to spouses of eligible veterans. Depending upon eligibility, some transportation costs associated with care at a veterans' hospital may also be reimbursed.

Unless a veteran's death is due to a service related injury, there is usually not any reimbursement due for actual funeral, casket or cremation costs other than those identified above.

If your brother is eligible for burial in a veteran's cemetery, the next logical step would be to visit our local national cemetery, The Western Reserve National Cemetery in Medina County between Rittman and Wadsworth. This cemetery opened less than a decade ago, and to date has 10,000 burials of caskets and cremation urns. With more than 273 acres to develop, the Veterans Administration estimates that there is burial space for 106,000 eligible veterans and their spouses. Telephone (330) 335-3069 for more information about the cemetery.

Third, contact an attorney, who can assist your brother in completing important legal documents to ensure that his wishes are followed if he is unable to speak for himself. Since your brother has no spouse or living children, you or one of your other siblings will likely be selected as a person who could make decisions on his behalf regarding his medical and business affairs. Such an appointment is known as a power-of-attorney. An attorney who specializes in estate planning can also assist in helping your brother decide how his estate should be settled by preparing a Will.

A living will is a logical part of the life planning process that allows for your brother to declare his wishes regarding end of life care. A living will is not to be confused with a Do Not Resuscitate order, also known as a DNR that is often completed as part of a living will, wherein an individual may decide not to be resuscitated if he or she experiences cardiac or pulmonary failure.

Another logical step in planning is to visit your brother's funeral home of choice. Meeting with a funeral planner will enable both you and your brother to ask important questions regarding his end of life care. Determinations regarding services and related costs should be discussed among your brother and family in a way that provides clarity.

Be aware that once a funeral plan is made, it makes sense to update it as the years pass. If your brother and you choose to have a funeral with visitation and a service as a way to accommodate the needs of you and your siblings, but ends up surviving all of you, then it may make sense to instead host a condensed service for nieces, nephews and friends.

Finally, don't try to do all of the above at once. Camus once said that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a first step. Such an attitude is very important in this situation to avoid unnecessary stress. I wish you and your brother the best in this process. Feel free to drop us a line and let our readers know how you are progressing.

Death and Taxes Meet Again

2008-04-12T18:16:00.005-04:00

Casey Rippel of Hospice of Tuscarawas County is hoping to create awareness of the need to make important end of life decisions ahead of need, and is targeting those who file taxes at the last minute.

Typically known for the last minute rush of late filers, many area post offices become scenes and backdrops for media hype around those who wait until the last minute to file.

Rippel and several Hospice volunteers are planning to hand out living wills and other important end-of-life documents on Tax “D” day – April 15, at the New Philadelphia Post Office throughout the day.

“This is our first year doing such an awareness event” said Rippel. “It will be exciting to see this activity is received.”

We congratulate Casey and the Hospice staff on a great way to advance the cause of death education and end of life planning. We’ll report on the progress made on tax day in this space next week.

Visit the site of Hospice of Tuscarawas County.

All Aboard! Time for GEIB-IN-TOUCH Travels!

2008-04-07T13:03:00.002-04:00
Mark your calendars for Wednesday, May 21, when you and your friends will board a luxury motorcoach for a North East Ohio day tour.

We'll depart the Dover Geib Funeral Center at 8AM for the Western Reserve National Cemetery where we'll take a brief tour, then proceed north to Cleveland, stopping for lunch at the Italian buffet Massimo da Milano.

The afternoon includes a tour of Cleveland including historic Erie View Cemetery.

There, we'll pause to visit the memorials of President James A. Garfield, the Wade Chapel – a work of art by Louis Tiffany, the John D. Rockefeller Monument, and the Eliot Ness Memorial.

The afternoon concludes at Cleveland's West Side Market where we'll spend an hour shopping before returning to Dover at about 6PM.

The cost of the day's activity, including transportation, lunch and gratuities is modestly priced at $65.

Debbie will gladly accept your reservation and answer your questions at (330) 343-5506.

More Than 40 Won't Be April Fools!

2008-04-02T12:57:00.001-04:00

New Philadelphia Police Detective Mike Goodwin provided an entertaining evening for forty-four guests at our recent "Don't Be An April Fool" Geib In Touch Program.

Guests learned the importance of AVOIDING becoming a victim of crime.

Our thanks to the New Philadelphia Police Department for taking the time to share important safety tips with Geib In Touch.

Don't Be an April Fool

2008-03-18T13:10:00.001-04:00

Announcing an exciting "April Fools" program set for 6:30 PM on Tuesday, April 1, 2008, in the Geib Family Center at New Philadelphia.

Captain Joe Skinner of the New Philadelphia Police Department will present "Don't Be an April Fool" – a practical guide for citizens interested in self defense, improving the personal safety of their homes, autos and lifestyles.

Captain Skinner will blend his experience in Law Enforcement with practical, common sense personal safety tips.

Registration for this event is now underway. Call 330.343.5506 to register. Don't Be and April Fool is, as are all Geib-In-Touch programs, free and open to all who wish to attend.

Easter Greetings

2008-03-16T15:59:00.004-04:00
Holy Week is upon us.

It is a week that can have great meaning to people of faith who have experienced a recent loss.

Think about those within your family, or perhaps your neighbor or co-worker who has suffered the death of a loved one. I invite you to take the time this week to share a quiet moment and let them know that you'll be thinking of them as the story of the resurrection- the victory over death- is shared in congregations the world over.

As the sun rises on Easter Sunday, it is my prayer that all who have felt the darkness of loss are warmed by the rising of the Son, and in the promise of Easter.

Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is Managing Director of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e m a i l a t: bhanner@geibfuneral.com

The Power of Flowers - at Funerals & Beyond

2008-03-13T13:50:00.002-04:00

"What a waste!" Exclaimed a recent visitor during calling hours for his friend.

"All of these flowers will just die. People should have more sense than to send flowers to a family when someone just died. I can't imagine just throwing them all away."

The visitation was no place to reason with him, but his comments got me thinking…

I wonder if people know what really happens to flowers after a funeral?

A local minister once told me that he was used to seeing flowers thrown into a dumpster following a funeral at a church he lead in Michigan.

No wonder so many folks want "in lieu of flowers" listed in their obituary.

Flowers are tended to more carefully around here. Today's sympathy arrangements and bouquets actually do a lot of good, not only for the family experiencing a loss, but for others who would not otherwise receive the satisfaction of getting flowers.

At the funeral home we operate, no flowers are thrown away following a funeral. Instead, arrangements are shared by surviving family members, and are sometimes distributed to the needy. Here's how:

Upon the conclusion of calling hours, a funeral director will gather with the family to determine their preferences for delivery of flowers following the funeral. Two of our staff members take the time to deliver flowers once the funeral ceremony has concluded.

Often, live plants are delivered to the homes of surviving family members. Fresh cut flower arrangements can also be delivered to a residence, but more often than not, families ask that we deliver these arrangements to local nursing homes, or to shut-in relatives.

Cut flowers also often make their way to a church to commemorate the passing of a member. When this is the care, the funeral home staff will place a special card on the arrangement, denoting it's dedication to the church in memory of a loved one.

At least once per week, we receive direction from a family that has an abundance of fresh flowers to deliver them to residents of the Tuscarawas County Home, known as Colonial Manor. Many of the residents at Colonial Manor would otherwise not receive flowers.

Imagine the smiles the arrangements bring to residents who learn that a family they may not know is thinking of them. I'm told that the larger fresh-cut flower arrangements are taken apart as an "activity" for residents. The byproducts are smaller bud-vase like arrangements that decorate the ladies and gentlemen's lunch hall.

Most local nursing homes also accept floral arrangements, especially when they are from a family that was served by the nursing home prior to the death of a loved one.
The floral spray – typically the arrangement on the casket that are ordered by the immediate family, is placed on the gravesite to mark the grave. In the winter, local florists often construct the sprays with some evergreen base, allowing the spray to remain as a grave blanket until spring.

It is not uncommon for flowers from the casket spray to be shared with those who attend a graveside service. Sharing these flowers is always a family option however.

If the family approves of sharing the flowers from the spray, the funeral director will make such an offering to those in attendance. If the family prefers to maintain the appearance of the spray, the funeral director will not offer flowers from the spray.

When in doubt, take your cue from the funeral director.

For the record, the card on the floral arrangement that you might send to a family is removed from the arrangement if it is not going directly to a residence following a funeral.

We've got great local florists who take the time to complete the back of the card with the sender's address and a description of the floral arrangement to ease the process of sending acknowledgement cards by surviving family members.

We offer families is a photographic record of floral tributes as an optional amenity. Choosing this option allows us to photograph each arrangement as it arrives prior to visitation. The photos are printed, laminated, and then attached to the floral cards following visitation.

While not the most popular option for families we serve, those who choose the option are always grateful to have the pictures. Some families ask us for duplicates so they can send a photo of an arrangement to an out of town sender.

Hopefully, this explanation of what happens to flowers after the funeral proves helpful. This is not meant to take away from the popular custom of designating a charity for memorial contributions. Even our local hospice, which relies on memorial contributions for patient care, sends a flower to each family it serves upon the death of a patient.

Call it "flower power" or "the power of flowers" either way, there is something special about the
feeling a person experiences when they realize that a friend or loved one took the time to send flowers.

Local florists now have much more to choose from than just fresh flowers. Today it's not uncommon for specialty items, such as garden stones or special candles, to be incorporated into a sympathy arrangement.

Join The Fight Against Cancer

2008-03-11T17:50:00.008-04:00

### UPDATE###
The last of 900 bouquets of Daffodil's left the lobby of Linn-Hert-Geib Funeral Home in New Philadelphia Friday afternoon. Thanks for great community support of this project. Congratulations, you've made a difference in the lives of your friends and neighbors who are diagnosed with cancer.
- Best Regards,
Brian

The American Cancer Society is holding its annual fundraiser, known as Daffodil Days.

For as long as I can remember, this sale of fresh-cut daffodils has been a welcome and well-received sign of spring.

This year, daffodils will be available for sale to the public from both the Dover Geib Funeral Center and the Linn-Hert-Geib Funeral Home at New Philadelphia

Please consider supporting ACS by picking up a bouquet of daffodils for a donation of just $7.50.

For a gift of $25.00 or greater, a special, limited edition "Boyd's Bear" (shown above at left)stuffed animal will be given, in addition to a regular bouquet of flowers.

The daffodils are available exclusively at Geib Funeral Homes while supplies last (through Friday) beginning onWednesday, March 12, from 8AM – 5PM in our New Philadelphia location, and from 9AM-5PM from our Dover Geib Funeral Center.

Daffodils will also be made available for sale at the Dover Buehler's, one night only, on Thursday, after 4pm.

More information is available from the American Cancer Society at (800) ACS 2345 or online at http://www.cancer.org/

Cooking for the Diabetic Encore Scheduled

2008-03-09T16:45:00.000-04:00
February's "Cooking for the Diabetic" Geib-In-Touch program proved to be so popular, that we had to close the program after fifty-five guests registered.

Thank's to our presenter, Dr. Kindra Browning, and our Geib-In-Touch Event Planner, Debbie Fankhauser, we've scheduled an encore presentation.

Readers of this "weblog" will have the first chance to register for the Tuesday, April 29th program in our Dover Geib Funeral Center.

Like all Geib-In-Touch events, it begins at 6:30 PM, and is free and open to the public. Call (330) 343-5506 to register for yourself and a friend.

Reserve your seat right away. Publicity for the program will not begin until next month.

It is not every day that we get to participate in saving and improving the quality of life for our neighbors and friends. Taking the time to learn more about healthy meal planning will go a long way toward stretching the golden years of those faced with diabetes.

We're pleased to partner with Dr. Browning in presenting this encore
program for you and your loved ones.

Traveling with Cremated Remains

2008-03-01T10:56:00.002-05:00
Q: Next month, I'll be traveling to the Colorado Rockies, where I'll scatter my brother's ashes. He was cremated last year and is in an urn. Do I need special permission to carry his urn with me when I fly to Denver?

A: Dear Reader, you have my condolences in the passing of your brother. Making the effort to honor his wish to be scattered is a great way to honor his memory.

The Transportation Security Administration has a very helpful website that completely answers your questions regarding transporting cremated remains.

In short, yes, cremated remains can be a part of carry-on baggage. When traveling with the urn, you should be sure to have a copy of the burial transit permit issued by the local health department. Having this document will provide assurance to verify that you have cremated remains in your baggage.

Upon arriving at the security screening station, I recommend that you alert the screener that you are traveling with cremated remains. The screener will likely ask you to remove the urn from the baggage that you may be using to carry the urn, and place it in a TSA provided tote.

The TSA insists that the container holding the cremated remains be made of a material that can be scanned. Materials such as plastic, and thin wood are suitable for such scanning. Unfortunately, an urn made of any type of metal (including bronze, copper and carbon steel) marble, leaded glass, such as crystal, is not able to be scanned using the TSA's scanning technology.

If the urn cannot be scanned, it cannot be taken aboard an aircraft, and the TSA will not open the urn to inspect the contents.

If you have the cremated remains of your brother in an urn described above that cannot be scanned, I invite you to visit us at the funeral home. We partner with the TSA to assist families traveling with their cremated loved one by transferring the cremated remains into a container that can be scanned by TSA equipment.

There are inexpensive (under twenty dollars) shipping containers that are ideal for such a transfer. We'll even help you to locate a funeral home on the receiving side of your flight to transfer the cremated body back into your urn – at no cost.

This step may not be necessary for all families. However, we have served families that want to inter an urn in a cemetery in the urn they engraved when it was purchased.

Funeral homes across the country volunteer to partner with the TSA – in providing families less hassle when traveling with cremated remains. A list of TSA partnering funeral homes is available online at: www.tsa.gov

Once the urn has been scanned, the TSA screener will assist you in returning the urn to your carry-on baggage. Keep the permit with you, and travel safely. Be aware that once you are in your aircraft, you will be expected to keep the urn in your luggage. Such luggage must be kept in an overhead storage compartment, or beneath the seat in front of you. – I offer this tip because a family I once served wanted to purchase a ticket for the urn to fly beside them in a trip to the Caribbean.

I offered to occupy the seat, and personally tend to the urn, but they saw through my attempt to steal passage to a warmer place, and declined. ;-)

Finally reader, since you have indicated that you will be scattering your brother in the Colorado Rockies, it is best to ensure that you have permission of the landowner, or local governmental subdivision (county, park district, city etc.) before scattering the remains.

Because scattering cremated remains can be an unpleasant experience, I offer the following suggestions:

Be aware that cremated remains are of a very fine, granular, almost powdery, consistency. When scattering the remains, it is best done as close to the ground as possible – I recommend stooping below knee level, to scatter them directly on the ground.

Some families participate in opening the ground, by trenching for several yards, then scatter the cremated remains into the trench. Other family members may then participate in closing the trench.

If scattering from aboard a boat, do so from the rear of the vessel, working with the direction of the wind, not against it.

Open only a small portion of the container to scatter the remains. Doing so will provide the person scattering the remains greater ability in directing the cremated remains away from clothing, and onto the area designated for scattering.

This reader, and all who plan to one day fulfill the task a scattering cremated remains are welcome to call or write for more information.

2008-02-25T10:46:00.004-05:00
I invite you to join us Tuesday, March 4, at 6:30 PM in the Geib Funeral Center at Dover for the next in our Spring, 2008 Geib-In-Touch series;

Cooking For One

Local culinary expert and home economist Carrie Wherley will share tasty recipes, and tips for purchasing, preparing, and enjoying a meal for one.

This year, we've commissioned Carrie to prepare samples for the evening's guests. Those who have attended a previous Cooking For One class know give this program the highest marks for the great "samples" from Carrie's kitchen.

If you are not able to attend the program, but would like a copy of the presentation materials, please provide your address, and we'll gladly see to it that you receive Carrie's helpful advice.

Call (330) 343-5506 to register.

Cremation Questions Answered

2008-02-16T16:24:00.001-05:00
The Spring 2008 Geib-In-Touch event line up has been especially well received. This month's cooking class for diabetics presented by Dr. Kindra Browning at our Dover Geib Funeral Center has all of the makings of a "repeat" perhaps in April or May. We'll announce the date in this column once the date has been finalized with Dr. Browning.

This Tuesday evening, February 19, Geib-In-Touch presents "Exploring Cremation; dispelling myths, answering questions, providing suggestions for those considering cremation." Our cremationists, certified by the Cremation Association of North America, will be on hand to provide tours of the Crematories at our Dover Geib Funeral Center. We'll also explore options for caring for cremated remains once cremation is complete.

This is the tenth year that Geib-In-Touch has offered such a program – yet we consistently have above average turnout for this Exploring Cremation program. If you, or a member of your family is considering cremation, do yourself or your family a favor by attending and becoming a cremation expert. Believe me – if you are in a crowded room – you'll be considered an expert if you are the only one in the room to have toured a crematory.

I hope that you are able to join us Tuesday evening, at 6:30 in the Geib Funeral Center at Dover.

Funerals Food & The Church

2008-02-16T16:16:00.003-05:00
Q: Dear Ask the Director,

The Women's Group of our church would like to know what other churches do for their members who want to have a funeral meal. We presently offer a complete meal to those who have attended a funeral. Since only about a dozen families in our church participate in our funeral food group, it is getting harder for us to make a big meal.

We understand that other churches have had this problem. We are open to idea's.

Thanks for including this in your column.

A: Dear Readers,

Thank you for spotlighting the great ministry that churches provide. From as early as we can trace human existence, funeral meals – formerly referred to as funeral repasts – or averils – have meant the participation of close family and friends in a meal following the death of a loved one.

The purpose of the funeral meal has varied over time. The above noted "averil" has a contemporary definition that describes a beverage served at a feast with a literal translation that means "heir ale." The earliest funeral feasts were actually used to welcome the heirs of the deceased to a title (Earl of Goshen) or (Dutchess of Dover) or to an estate. In Belgium, this practice of welcoming the heirs remains a traditional funeral practice today.

Funeral repasts were long considered a practical necessity. As much time might elapse between the time of death, and the gathering of relatives and friends for a family funeral, a large (and ongoing) feast would occur as relatives gathered. Imagine the endurance needed by a traveler before the days of the car and paved roads.

Our neighbors in the Amish and Mennonite communities of today, gather from across the Midwest when the earthly journey of a member of their faith comes to an end. It is customary for the Amish to host several days of visitation followed by a funeral and almost always a meal, the preparation of which would be considered enormous by most any standard.

In our society the church is usually the first organization relied upon for the provision of a bereavement meal. Many mature readers can recall a time when funerals were predominantly held in the church. Meals following a committal service were considered part and parcel to the funeral ceremony. Today however, only about a third of all funerals are held in a church. Because of the changing roles of American men and women, fewer and fewer households are able to make available a food dish for funeral meals.

Consider the following five circumstances that exist in five area church bereavement committees:

Committee "A" prepares only deserts and salads for a funeral meal. This is meant to supplement the purchase of meat and cheese trays or hot meats purchased from a caterer by the family. The committee will purchase the meat trays for the family if there is financial need.

Committee "B" provides a line item in an outreach budget for the purchase of meat and cheese or pizza platters. Snack food gifts are contributed from others in the church.

Committee "C" provides a complete meal, with all of the "trimmings" for a family, but bills the family for the purchase cost of the food.

Committee "D" provides a meal to the family of a deceased member of the church. The meal is organized by a committee chairperson who ensures that everybody does not bring tuna casserole.

Committee "E" can provide space in their fellowship hall for a meal, but has no formal bereavement committee, and therefore, all food and serving responsibilities for a meal, must be arranged with a third party caterer.

You may recognize traits of your church bereavement committee above. There are plenty more "D" churches out there than any other type listed. Some of the traits of highly effective bereavement committees include:

Strong Central Organization

A designated chairperson makes it her (or his) business to communicate with a family that has experienced a loss to formally extend the hospitality services available from the church. This chairperson has access to the schedule of the church, the telephone numbers of those in the bereavement committee, and is easily accessible by the pastor or church secretary. Sometimes, the pastor asks the funeral director to communicate directly with the chairperson of the committee. This model reflects great pastoral delegation.

A Large Cross-Section of Participants

You don’t have to slave over a roast turkey to participate in a bereavement committee. The committee may need a punch prepared, napkins or other paper products supplied. Deploying many people to do participate in a small way makes the big job of preparing food for fifty guests look easy. Consider asking everyone in the church to participate on the bereavement call list, even if a family can't commit to providing a casserole or salad.

Volunteers who enjoy helping others

Those who serve the meal needn't be those who prepared the meal. In at least two churches we serve, some of the men in the church participate in serving and then washing the dishes and cleaning the church hall when the meal has concluded.

Recognition

While few, if any volunteers would ever admit it, receiving recognition for their dedication would go a long way in making a long day worth while for those who prepare bereavement meals. Whether it is a note from the family recently served, or an annual church recognition event, those who commit to help, at a moment's notice, without benefit of a schedule, a doing one of the great ministries of the local church.

- Cooking for the Diabetic - The next Geib-In-Touch program is proving popular.

2008-02-03T12:16:00.000-05:00
When our Geib-In-Touch event planner, Debbie Fankhauser, discussed the idea of presenting an evening program "Cooking for the Diabetic" - I have to admit to being very uncertain what community interest there might be in such a topic.

Little did I know that Debbie and Dr. Kindra Browning were already collaborating on making the event both entertaining and helpful to those in our community faced with the challenge of preparing meals to meet sometimes stringent dietary requirements.

With the event still two days away, we have 29 guests pre-registered for the evening. While it is not too late to plan on attending, we normally do not like to exceed 30 to 35 attendee's for a cooking class - as the experience can yield a less personal feeling for those in attendance. Call (330) 343-5506 to reserve one of the remaining seats for this program.

If the class is full by the time you call, be assured, Debbie and Dr. Browning will schedule another cooking class together soon to accommodate those who can not attend this Tuesday.

Each month we post advance notice of our Geib-In-Touch activities on the funeral home's website on the "What's Next" link. Programs are also announced seasonally by our quarterly Geib-In-Touch community outreach and aftercare newsletter. The Spring, 2008 edition will be in mailboxes this week.

If you would like to receive Geib-In-Touch - either by mail, or by electronic PDF format, please send an e-mail to bhanner@geibfuneral.com along with your pertinent address information with the word "enroll" on the subject line. We'll be happy to expedite a copy to your attention.

I hope to see you Tuesday evening, February 5, at 6:30 PM in the Kitchen of the Geib Funeral Center at Dover.