More on Christmas & Remembrance

Two weeks ago, we shared about a dozen tips on the journey through the Christmas season in grief. Since then, more readers have shared their thoughts – and in an effort to provide more support for readers who are facing the holidays while still feeling the pain of loss, we offer the following tips from others who have made a similar journey.



A friend named Salva shared the following thought: Christmas is always a melancholy time for me; happy times mixed with missing loved ones who have gone on. I am helped by remembering the meaning of the holiday. Christmas is about the birth of hope; a promise to help us through. God bless us everyone.



Cindy D. shared the story of her loss during the Christmas holiday: My dad passed away December 23 1999. Needless to say, Christmas wasn't very merry that year. He went to bed at night, all was well, mom found him the next morning in bed. We always found comfort in the fact that he was home in his own bed all covered up on a cold winter morning. What a blessing for him. I have lost both parents and I think what helps me, is to talk about them and to remember all of our wonderful memories. I am fortunate to have wonderful memories of them both.



Jennifer E. reminds us that we are human, and that its okay to be emotional: There is nothing wrong with a good old fashion cry! Sometimes just getting it out your system helps you deal with the loss and pain. It helps us remember, that good or bad, all these moments make us who we are and are just part of experiencing life. The memories we create in the years of loving someone are well worth the immediate grief we feel when losing them. Slight change in an old saying...it's better to have lost someone we love, then to have never loved at all.



Rebecca C. also experienced the loss of a parent at Christmas: My mother died 2 days before Christmas in 1980. First acknowledge that sadness is normal during the holiday and give yourself permission to feel it and have a good cry. In the first few years it helped to talk to someone else who loved her to share memories and praying for strength. Doing something good for someone else helped- working on Christmas for mothers of young children so they could be off, for example. I always wear her ring the entire month of December to honor her memory. My husband and children are especially kind if I am grumpy at this time. It has been many years now and I feel some sadness but time is healing and sad memory has been filled with many happy ones.



Marlene D. navigates the holidays by rethinking her loss as Heaven's gain: My grandmother, who was the center of our Christmas...died in December. Rather than making it a maudlin time, I chose to look at is as God took her so that on Christ's birthday we would also be celebrating the time of year Grandma joined her Heavenly Father. I believe it's a choice of how one handles any loss. I am blessed to have known her and to have been loved by her and thank God for my blessed memories of her.



Jane G. also shares the anniversary of a loss with Christmas: My mother passed away, unexpectedly, after midnight on December 23rd,1969. She had started a traditional family get together on Christmas Eve many years before, which concluded with our going to the midnight candlelight service at the Methodist Church. I continued with this tradition for many years thereafter, and our family still enjoys the midnight candlelight service. Keeping a tradition created by a loved one I feel brings comfort to all those involved.



We are grateful for those who have shared the story of their losses so close to the holiday season. I'm reminded of the hope that was highlighted in some of the comments above that we really do celebrate Christmas as a means of victory over death. Without the birth of a Savior, we certainly couldn’t have Easter. As we sing Christmas Carols this weekend, do make it a point to sing aloud the closing of the third verse of Hark The Herald Angel's Sing –



Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"



Peace to you and yours this Christmas and throughout the coming new year.



Columnist Brian Hanner is certified in Thanatology by the Association for Death Education and Counseling. He and his wife own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of Dover and New Philadelphia Ohio.