Why a twitter account?
It wasn’t easy convincing every member of the Geib Family & Staff that there was an urgent need for a Twitter account – until our local daily newspaper announced a three day hiatus from their newsgathering to celebrate the New Year.
You might be surprised to learn of a series of early deadlines for the daily newspaper delivered to your door between December 30 and January 2nd. Thus a family needing to place an obituary in a newspaper before Sunday, January 3, will be out of luck after Thursday at noon.
Not a big deal right?
Would you want to have your loved one’s visitation without having an obituary run in the newspaper prior to the day of the event? If not – it will mean waiting until Monday, January 4th to host a visitation.
Here are the deadlines announced by the leadership at the Times Reporter:
For an obituary to appear:
Thursday, the deadline is Wednesday at Noon (not unusual for a holiday)
Friday, the deadline is Wednesday at 1PM
Saturday, the deadline is Thursday at Noon.
I learned long ago not to pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel, so rather than object to these deadlines, we’ve launched a free Twitter service known as
TCOUNTYPASSINGS
It can be accessed at:
http://twitter.com/TCOUNTYPASSINGS
If you don’t know much about Twitter – you are not alone – and this writer is among you.
We’ve launched this venture to ensure that anyone who wishes to have up to the minute obituary information will have access to it when they check Twitter, without artificial deadlines.
Here’s a tip: once you have pasted the above address into your screen, you can click the “follow” button to begin receiving notices whenever a death notice is posted. A link will be included in each update to allow readers the opportunity to connect to the complete obituary. (Remember, Twitter allows only 140 characters in a post, so a death notice, will look much like the death notices that we see in the local newspaper).
We’ll be glad to post death notices from other area funeral homes – free of charge – and link their death notices back to funeral home websites where complete obituary information can be found.
Newspapers are a lively and relevant source for local news. Obituaries are news, and are the not only the first read sections in newspapers, but also the most widely read.
It is our hope that this Twitter service will give proper consideration to those families who face a loss on and around the holidays.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
On Observing a Hopeful Christmas
“I’m dreading the holidays” wrote one regular reader to Ask the Director. “This year, I am supposed to be “celebrating” without my husband, who died this year, and I just want to get away from it all.” “Is there a Club Med for the bereaved?”
In replying, I shared that she can find cruise ships and warm vacation hotspots to be busy with those who celebrate other religious traditions, bargain hunters willing to fly on Christmas to save a few bucks, and yes, the bereaved trying to out-run the pain of a holiday season.
But, I’ve learned that you can’t out-run grief. You may (for a while) out-pace grief, by keeping busy, tending to the needs of others, and trying too hard to return to a sense of normalcy that realistically, can never again be attained.
Too many people believe that grief is optional, and worse yet, believe that grief is unhealthy. In reality – grief IS normal, and indeed, grief is not only healthy – it can actually be good for us.
Remember that the task of the grieving is not to learn to let go – but instead, the task for the grieving is to discover new, meaningful ways to make connections with the deceased. When placed in this context, our journey with grief is decidedly different.
We aren’t out to abandon our feelings and emotions, but instead to adjust ourselves to a new way of connecting to someone we’ve journeyed with differently before.
In the spirit of finding a new way to develop a new connection with a departed loved one, I offer the following :
Listen carefully to some of our most treasured Christmas music. These songwriters knew that for people of faith – Christmas was more about hope than being merry.
The second half of the Third Verse of Hark the Herald Angel Sing:
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"
and
The fourth verse of It Came Upon A midnight Clear:
And ye, beneath life’s crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow,
Look now! for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing.
O rest beside the weary road,
And hear the angels sing!
Next, reconnect by offering a gift in memory of your loved one to a charity, a needy church member or friend. Doing so will brighten your spirit. The gift needn’t be cash. It could be clothing, medical equipment, or even eyeglasses that no longer have use in your home.
I know of one relative who didn’t go shopping in preparation for the holidays.
Instead, she took the time to go through scrap books – put together pictures of her late husband with his friends and family – and sent copies of them in her Christmas cards – along with a note of appreciation for spreading joy in her husband’s life.
One widower took all of his wife’s recipes and had a cook book prepared for his family. To this day, whenever the family gathers for a special occasion, they reconnect with their loved ones by making a dish she was known for throughout her family.
When my grandmother passed away in 2002 – my mother and her sisters took her old costume jewelry and fashioned it into a Christmas tree upon a red velvet covered frame. Today, that frame is a meaningful Christmas decoration in their homes.
Its plain to see that staying connected, or re-connecting with a deceased loved one needn’t be overly complicated. I invite readers to share with me their successful ways of maintaining a relationship with a departed loved one. I’ll be glad to pass them along in a future column.
In the mean time, you have my sincerest wish for a Hopeful Christmas, filled with meaning and comfort. May 2010 be a year in which (as the “Winter Wonderland” songwriter proposes) we face unafraid the plans that we’ve made.”
Columnist Brian Hanner and his wife Anne Geib Hanner own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in New Philadelphia and Dover. Brian answers “Ask The Director” columns bi-weekly in the Bargain Hunter. An archive of his columns is available online: www.askthedirector.net.
In replying, I shared that she can find cruise ships and warm vacation hotspots to be busy with those who celebrate other religious traditions, bargain hunters willing to fly on Christmas to save a few bucks, and yes, the bereaved trying to out-run the pain of a holiday season.
But, I’ve learned that you can’t out-run grief. You may (for a while) out-pace grief, by keeping busy, tending to the needs of others, and trying too hard to return to a sense of normalcy that realistically, can never again be attained.
Too many people believe that grief is optional, and worse yet, believe that grief is unhealthy. In reality – grief IS normal, and indeed, grief is not only healthy – it can actually be good for us.
Remember that the task of the grieving is not to learn to let go – but instead, the task for the grieving is to discover new, meaningful ways to make connections with the deceased. When placed in this context, our journey with grief is decidedly different.
We aren’t out to abandon our feelings and emotions, but instead to adjust ourselves to a new way of connecting to someone we’ve journeyed with differently before.
In the spirit of finding a new way to develop a new connection with a departed loved one, I offer the following :
Listen carefully to some of our most treasured Christmas music. These songwriters knew that for people of faith – Christmas was more about hope than being merry.
The second half of the Third Verse of Hark the Herald Angel Sing:
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"
and
The fourth verse of It Came Upon A midnight Clear:
And ye, beneath life’s crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow,
Look now! for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing.
O rest beside the weary road,
And hear the angels sing!
Next, reconnect by offering a gift in memory of your loved one to a charity, a needy church member or friend. Doing so will brighten your spirit. The gift needn’t be cash. It could be clothing, medical equipment, or even eyeglasses that no longer have use in your home.
I know of one relative who didn’t go shopping in preparation for the holidays.
Instead, she took the time to go through scrap books – put together pictures of her late husband with his friends and family – and sent copies of them in her Christmas cards – along with a note of appreciation for spreading joy in her husband’s life.
One widower took all of his wife’s recipes and had a cook book prepared for his family. To this day, whenever the family gathers for a special occasion, they reconnect with their loved ones by making a dish she was known for throughout her family.
When my grandmother passed away in 2002 – my mother and her sisters took her old costume jewelry and fashioned it into a Christmas tree upon a red velvet covered frame. Today, that frame is a meaningful Christmas decoration in their homes.
Its plain to see that staying connected, or re-connecting with a deceased loved one needn’t be overly complicated. I invite readers to share with me their successful ways of maintaining a relationship with a departed loved one. I’ll be glad to pass them along in a future column.
In the mean time, you have my sincerest wish for a Hopeful Christmas, filled with meaning and comfort. May 2010 be a year in which (as the “Winter Wonderland” songwriter proposes) we face unafraid the plans that we’ve made.”
Columnist Brian Hanner and his wife Anne Geib Hanner own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in New Philadelphia and Dover. Brian answers “Ask The Director” columns bi-weekly in the Bargain Hunter. An archive of his columns is available online: www.askthedirector.net.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
On Discovering the Significance of Life
Hundreds of people; daughters and sons, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives and friends will gather with us this Saturday afternoon at 2PM for our annual Holiday Service of Hope & Remembrance.
On the Christmas tree in the foyer of the New Philadelphia funeral home, hang more than 300 star ornaments, each with the name of a loved one whose earthly life has come to and end.
I’m always struck by the emotions that return to us as we greet families at this service. Each guest shares the commonality of losing a loved one, and facing Christmas without someone they hold dear. Beyond that, there are a myriad of differences.
Some gather to remember with great joy - a life - full of years, an abundance of memories and stories that will be told for generations.
Some mourn the untimely death of a loved one, deprived of time and opportunities to form memories.
During the service, families gain strength, recognizing that the task ahead is not to diminish our connection with our deceased loved one, but instead, to discover new ways to hold on and re-connect with the person who has died. This task is ours whether our loved one lived a life that spanned a century – or only minutes.
In preparing for the service, I uncovered a poem by Michael Josephson – an author, professor of Law, and founder of the Character Counts! youth service initiative – that I believe will help to separate the mundane daily tasks that cloud our decisions, from the moments of reality that shine through and guide us on our journey.
May your reading and sharing of it brighten your path as it has for me, my colleagues and family.
###
“Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.”
“So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end. It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.”
“So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.”
”Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.
It really matters!”
###
My prayer for the families we serve and for the readers of this column is that we recognize the significance of our lives through the eyes of those we nurture, care for, and to whom we will ultimately pass our knowledge, values and example.
Join me is making a charitable contribution (maybe even an honorary or memorial contribution, to recognize the person you most admire) to Character Counts! in care of their national headquarters, 9841 Airport Boulevard, Suite #300, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Visit their website online at: http://www.CharacterCounts.org
Such a gift is tax-deductible and a perfect fit for the person on your shopping list who has everything – especially your admiration.
Columnist Brian Hanner and his wife Anne Geib Hanner own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in New Philadelphia and Dover. Brian answers “Ask The Director” columns bi-weekly in the Bargain Hunter. An archive of his columns is available online: www.askthedirector.net.
On the Christmas tree in the foyer of the New Philadelphia funeral home, hang more than 300 star ornaments, each with the name of a loved one whose earthly life has come to and end.
I’m always struck by the emotions that return to us as we greet families at this service. Each guest shares the commonality of losing a loved one, and facing Christmas without someone they hold dear. Beyond that, there are a myriad of differences.
Some gather to remember with great joy - a life - full of years, an abundance of memories and stories that will be told for generations.
Some mourn the untimely death of a loved one, deprived of time and opportunities to form memories.
During the service, families gain strength, recognizing that the task ahead is not to diminish our connection with our deceased loved one, but instead, to discover new ways to hold on and re-connect with the person who has died. This task is ours whether our loved one lived a life that spanned a century – or only minutes.
In preparing for the service, I uncovered a poem by Michael Josephson – an author, professor of Law, and founder of the Character Counts! youth service initiative – that I believe will help to separate the mundane daily tasks that cloud our decisions, from the moments of reality that shine through and guide us on our journey.
May your reading and sharing of it brighten your path as it has for me, my colleagues and family.
###
“Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.”
“So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end. It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.”
“So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.”
”Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.
It really matters!”
###
My prayer for the families we serve and for the readers of this column is that we recognize the significance of our lives through the eyes of those we nurture, care for, and to whom we will ultimately pass our knowledge, values and example.
Join me is making a charitable contribution (maybe even an honorary or memorial contribution, to recognize the person you most admire) to Character Counts! in care of their national headquarters, 9841 Airport Boulevard, Suite #300, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Visit their website online at: http://www.CharacterCounts.org
Such a gift is tax-deductible and a perfect fit for the person on your shopping list who has everything – especially your admiration.
Columnist Brian Hanner and his wife Anne Geib Hanner own and operate the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in New Philadelphia and Dover. Brian answers “Ask The Director” columns bi-weekly in the Bargain Hunter. An archive of his columns is available online: www.askthedirector.net.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Thanksgiving, 2009
This Thursday, we begin the final holiday season of the first decade of the new millennium.
Sound momentous?
Well, it isn’t – at least not until we’re singing Auld Lang Sine in about five weeks will we shed a tear for the decade that, in my life, has gone by much quicker than the preceding two.
Thanksgiving is about slowing the pace of ordinary days. It forces us to examine the basic luxuries that we take for granted every day – from a warm bed, and running water, to those in our lives who make day to day contributions ensuring that our community runs well.
Join me in recognizing the little things that make life better for us in our community.
This year, I was blessed to become involved in the Tuscarawas-Carroll Suicide Prevention Coalition. This group of committed mental health professionals, caregivers and survivors of a suicide death in the family, have come together to raise awareness of the risks associated with suicidal behavior.
In September we observed World Suicide Prevention Day by providing suicide awareness training to scores of local educators, clergy and lay church leaders and service givers. I’m thankful for those brave people who take risks to help others who may be considering suicide.
The American Red Cross is recognized around the world for its humanitarian relief. One of their worthy side-missions is to provide life saving and rescue education.
Such was the case this year when each member of the Geib Family & Staff received CPR training, and guidance on use of a new heart defibrillator. So far, the East Central Ohio AED Initiative has placed dozens of AED’s in public buildings across our county.
They’ve also made AED’s affordable for small businesses (like ours ) to purchase. We Salute the work of the American Red Cross, and the organizers of the AED initiative.
Our community is blessed with two municipal cemeteries, and two young, hard working and dedicated sextons. Scott Harmon took over the Dover City Cemetery Department more in 2006 from Jim Mizer who spent more than three decades in charge of the cemeteries.
In New Philadelphia, Keith Limbacher replaced the retiring Doug Demattio, who himself was digging graves by hand in the 1970’s, retiring in March of this past year.
All four men have served our communities well. We are thankful for their leadership, and for the efforts of the men and women they lead in the care of our cemeteries.
The ranks in our Veterans serving on the military funeral details are growing thinner. Many of the veterans of World War II are well into their 80’s. Those who served in Korea aren’t far behind them.
With more than one thousand World War II veterans dying daily across our nation, the need for the services of these military funeral details is not diminishing. We’re grateful for the men who serve in these details, and put out a call for more veterans to join them in the meaningful mission of honoring those made worthy by service to our country.
I’d be remiss not to thank those who turn to us to provide care for their families. We recognize that we serve at the pleasure of each family. Without your friendship, we wouldn’t be here.
It is our great honor to be called upon to care for our friends and neighbors. Thank you for allowing us to observe 163 years of continuous service to the Tuscarawas Valley.
Finally, a reminder to those who make a tradition of attending the Holiday Service of Hope & Remembrance. Because of the continued growth in attendance, we are expanding to offer two services.
Join us next Saturday, December 5 at 2PM in the Geib Funeral Center at Dover for our candlelight service, when we pause to remember those we have served from the Geib Center in the past year.
The following Saturday, December 12, we’ll gather at 2 PM in the chapel of the Linn-Hert-Geib Funeral Home & Crematory at New Philadelphia, to remember those we have served from the New Philadelphia area.
At both services, we’ll have a personalized ornament of remembrance for each family that we have served since last Christmas.
We welcome all from our community who wish to attend, and ask only that you pre-register so we can prepared to accommodate you. Please telephone (330) 343-5506 to let us know which ceremony you’ll be attending.
See you in two weeks. Have a safe trip over the hill and through the woods this weekend, and during the holidays ahead.
Sound momentous?
Well, it isn’t – at least not until we’re singing Auld Lang Sine in about five weeks will we shed a tear for the decade that, in my life, has gone by much quicker than the preceding two.
Thanksgiving is about slowing the pace of ordinary days. It forces us to examine the basic luxuries that we take for granted every day – from a warm bed, and running water, to those in our lives who make day to day contributions ensuring that our community runs well.
Join me in recognizing the little things that make life better for us in our community.
This year, I was blessed to become involved in the Tuscarawas-Carroll Suicide Prevention Coalition. This group of committed mental health professionals, caregivers and survivors of a suicide death in the family, have come together to raise awareness of the risks associated with suicidal behavior.
In September we observed World Suicide Prevention Day by providing suicide awareness training to scores of local educators, clergy and lay church leaders and service givers. I’m thankful for those brave people who take risks to help others who may be considering suicide.
The American Red Cross is recognized around the world for its humanitarian relief. One of their worthy side-missions is to provide life saving and rescue education.
Such was the case this year when each member of the Geib Family & Staff received CPR training, and guidance on use of a new heart defibrillator. So far, the East Central Ohio AED Initiative has placed dozens of AED’s in public buildings across our county.
They’ve also made AED’s affordable for small businesses (like ours ) to purchase. We Salute the work of the American Red Cross, and the organizers of the AED initiative.
Our community is blessed with two municipal cemeteries, and two young, hard working and dedicated sextons. Scott Harmon took over the Dover City Cemetery Department more in 2006 from Jim Mizer who spent more than three decades in charge of the cemeteries.
In New Philadelphia, Keith Limbacher replaced the retiring Doug Demattio, who himself was digging graves by hand in the 1970’s, retiring in March of this past year.
All four men have served our communities well. We are thankful for their leadership, and for the efforts of the men and women they lead in the care of our cemeteries.
The ranks in our Veterans serving on the military funeral details are growing thinner. Many of the veterans of World War II are well into their 80’s. Those who served in Korea aren’t far behind them.
With more than one thousand World War II veterans dying daily across our nation, the need for the services of these military funeral details is not diminishing. We’re grateful for the men who serve in these details, and put out a call for more veterans to join them in the meaningful mission of honoring those made worthy by service to our country.
I’d be remiss not to thank those who turn to us to provide care for their families. We recognize that we serve at the pleasure of each family. Without your friendship, we wouldn’t be here.
It is our great honor to be called upon to care for our friends and neighbors. Thank you for allowing us to observe 163 years of continuous service to the Tuscarawas Valley.
Finally, a reminder to those who make a tradition of attending the Holiday Service of Hope & Remembrance. Because of the continued growth in attendance, we are expanding to offer two services.
Join us next Saturday, December 5 at 2PM in the Geib Funeral Center at Dover for our candlelight service, when we pause to remember those we have served from the Geib Center in the past year.
The following Saturday, December 12, we’ll gather at 2 PM in the chapel of the Linn-Hert-Geib Funeral Home & Crematory at New Philadelphia, to remember those we have served from the New Philadelphia area.
At both services, we’ll have a personalized ornament of remembrance for each family that we have served since last Christmas.
We welcome all from our community who wish to attend, and ask only that you pre-register so we can prepared to accommodate you. Please telephone (330) 343-5506 to let us know which ceremony you’ll be attending.
See you in two weeks. Have a safe trip over the hill and through the woods this weekend, and during the holidays ahead.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
5 Questions Your Family Hopes You Have Answered
This past Thursday, my colleagues and I presented a program on the five questions that every family hopes that you have answered when it comes to funerals.
The reality is that there are actually hundreds of questions that your family will wish they would have asked you when planning your farewell service. While space won’t permit me to print all of them, please allow these five questions some time to sink in, and then do your family a favor – and thoughtfully answer them – put it in a nice folder – and give it as a gift to a loved one this Christmas season.
It is a gift that you don’t have to shop for, it doesn’t have to cost you anything – unless you get a really fancy folder, - and it is the kind of gift that will grow in value some day – in a way people won’t appreciate until they get to rely upon the information inside it.
Question # 5: How should we account for all of your accomplishments?
Whether mom was a prize pie maker or head of the school board, there almost always exists a list of moments of achievement that some day your children will clamor for when trying to sort out details for your obituary. Do your family a favor – and put together a list of accomplishments that can be accessed easily.
Or – you may prefer to put together a draft of your own obituary.
Either way – listing what was important to you will go a long way in helping your family remember your contributions to their world.
Question #4: What wishes or preferences have you regarding public and private services?
Remember to try to be inclusive of the needs of your family when addressing this question. I have been a party to very sensitive discussions regarding this topic, in which the deceased did not wish for any public observance of his death. The family, struggling to honor his wishes, ends up sacrificing the healing that comes when extended family and friends surround those who have lost a loved one – and acknowledge that a loss has taken place.
Often, people have mixed feelings about being viewed following death. As a person who was present when a relative of my own passed away, I can share personally that the farewell at the hospital paled in comparison to the farewell we were able to give our relative in a private setting at the funeral home – when we weren’t quite as frazzled as we were in the hours leading up to the passing at the hospital.
Suddenly, there was no hurry – there was no busy medical staff, and no hospital public address system. Instead, we were able to see a more peaceful presentation of our loved one – dressed in clothing she preferred, not a hospital gown, with her favorite lipstick on – not hissing oxygen mask.
This viewing took place privately, with members of our family only. We would honor our relative’s wishes, and close the casket prior to public visitation.
So when addressing preferences regarding public and private services, I always encourage people to be inclusive of family needs. – Viewing is an important part of grieving the reality of death. Likewise, allowing a time for family and friends to gather to remember the person who died is almost universal in its practice.
If you prefer cremation, know that most families still desire to view a person prior to cremation. Regardless of your decision, please take the time to weigh your options, and thoughtfully express your wishes to your family.
Question # 3: To what degree should spirituality play in your farewell service?
You’ll note that I carefully used the word spirituality in this question. I do so because more than a third of the families we serve today do not report a church affiliation.
Spirituality is defined as a more personal experience of enlightenment than the shared experience of religion. In fact, many people who do not consider them selves religious do consider themselves spiritual.
To this end, being inclusive of traditions, from musical to scriptural and ceremonial are important considerations.
If my life came to an end today – my own service would be very spiritual – involving the minister who has married my wife and I, baptized our children and has journeyed with us for the past decade.
If I have the luxury of living a long life, perhaps my service would be more inclusive of the spiritual needs and customs of my children and extended family.
Know that your funeral director can assist in providing suggestions on meaningful services tailored to the degree of spirituality you desire in your farewell service.
Question # 2: What preparations have been made for your final expenses?
It is helpful to consider final expenses (not just funeral costs) because they are inclusive of so much more than just the services of a funeral home and a casket (which are the national standards used to calculate funeral costs):
Final expenses can include:
The costs associated with cemetery purchases, grave openings and closings, the cost of a monument, travel expenses (if families come and go from a great distance) memorial gifts, flowers, meals and death certificates.
Life insurance is one option, as is a pay on death account at a local bank. But deciding on what option is best for you may take some planning. Be aware that many funeral homes are not able to bill estates for funerals due to the often long, drawn out process of estate administration.
Having some written instructions to your family regarding final expenses will relieve anxiety and uncertainty regarding important decisions that must be made in the hours and days following the death of a loved one.
And the #1 question that your family hopes that you have answered: Where will you be permanently remembered?
It may seem like a forgone conclusion to you – but considering that fact that almost 40% of Americans today are cremated, and that of those cremated, only about half are arranging a final resting place for their cremated body – this is a concern that weighs heavily upon the minds of those arranging a funeral.
First – know your options. Is there existing cemetery property that you may have a right to use? If you are planning to be cremated – can your cremated body be placed upon an existing grave? – If you live in the Tuscarawas Valley –chances are very good that your local cemetery will permit multiple burials of cremated bodies in one grave.
There also exist columbariums – a sort of mausoleum designed specially for urns holding a cremated body.
Scattering remains an option of a small percentage of those choosing cremation locally. Discussing this option with family members and gaining consensus on the right place, and the right time to conduct a scattering ceremony is also important. You’ve read before in this column that once a person is cremated – they have the luxury of being able to be in more than one place at a time – so do not exclude the thought of being both scattered and interred in an ancestral burial plot.
Feel free to call my office at the telephone number given below to discuss these and other questions with a funeral planner. We even have special guides that can be completed the the privacy of your home, that will help answer the many questions that your family will require some day, when you won’t be here to answer the questions personally.
Brian Hanner of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in Dover and New Philadelphia, answers your questions in this bi-weekly feature. He can be reached by phoning (330) 343-5506 or by e-mail: bhanner@geibfuneral.com
The reality is that there are actually hundreds of questions that your family will wish they would have asked you when planning your farewell service. While space won’t permit me to print all of them, please allow these five questions some time to sink in, and then do your family a favor – and thoughtfully answer them – put it in a nice folder – and give it as a gift to a loved one this Christmas season.
It is a gift that you don’t have to shop for, it doesn’t have to cost you anything – unless you get a really fancy folder, - and it is the kind of gift that will grow in value some day – in a way people won’t appreciate until they get to rely upon the information inside it.
Question # 5: How should we account for all of your accomplishments?
Whether mom was a prize pie maker or head of the school board, there almost always exists a list of moments of achievement that some day your children will clamor for when trying to sort out details for your obituary. Do your family a favor – and put together a list of accomplishments that can be accessed easily.
Or – you may prefer to put together a draft of your own obituary.
Either way – listing what was important to you will go a long way in helping your family remember your contributions to their world.
Question #4: What wishes or preferences have you regarding public and private services?
Remember to try to be inclusive of the needs of your family when addressing this question. I have been a party to very sensitive discussions regarding this topic, in which the deceased did not wish for any public observance of his death. The family, struggling to honor his wishes, ends up sacrificing the healing that comes when extended family and friends surround those who have lost a loved one – and acknowledge that a loss has taken place.
Often, people have mixed feelings about being viewed following death. As a person who was present when a relative of my own passed away, I can share personally that the farewell at the hospital paled in comparison to the farewell we were able to give our relative in a private setting at the funeral home – when we weren’t quite as frazzled as we were in the hours leading up to the passing at the hospital.
Suddenly, there was no hurry – there was no busy medical staff, and no hospital public address system. Instead, we were able to see a more peaceful presentation of our loved one – dressed in clothing she preferred, not a hospital gown, with her favorite lipstick on – not hissing oxygen mask.
This viewing took place privately, with members of our family only. We would honor our relative’s wishes, and close the casket prior to public visitation.
So when addressing preferences regarding public and private services, I always encourage people to be inclusive of family needs. – Viewing is an important part of grieving the reality of death. Likewise, allowing a time for family and friends to gather to remember the person who died is almost universal in its practice.
If you prefer cremation, know that most families still desire to view a person prior to cremation. Regardless of your decision, please take the time to weigh your options, and thoughtfully express your wishes to your family.
Question # 3: To what degree should spirituality play in your farewell service?
You’ll note that I carefully used the word spirituality in this question. I do so because more than a third of the families we serve today do not report a church affiliation.
Spirituality is defined as a more personal experience of enlightenment than the shared experience of religion. In fact, many people who do not consider them selves religious do consider themselves spiritual.
To this end, being inclusive of traditions, from musical to scriptural and ceremonial are important considerations.
If my life came to an end today – my own service would be very spiritual – involving the minister who has married my wife and I, baptized our children and has journeyed with us for the past decade.
If I have the luxury of living a long life, perhaps my service would be more inclusive of the spiritual needs and customs of my children and extended family.
Know that your funeral director can assist in providing suggestions on meaningful services tailored to the degree of spirituality you desire in your farewell service.
Question # 2: What preparations have been made for your final expenses?
It is helpful to consider final expenses (not just funeral costs) because they are inclusive of so much more than just the services of a funeral home and a casket (which are the national standards used to calculate funeral costs):
Final expenses can include:
The costs associated with cemetery purchases, grave openings and closings, the cost of a monument, travel expenses (if families come and go from a great distance) memorial gifts, flowers, meals and death certificates.
Life insurance is one option, as is a pay on death account at a local bank. But deciding on what option is best for you may take some planning. Be aware that many funeral homes are not able to bill estates for funerals due to the often long, drawn out process of estate administration.
Having some written instructions to your family regarding final expenses will relieve anxiety and uncertainty regarding important decisions that must be made in the hours and days following the death of a loved one.
And the #1 question that your family hopes that you have answered: Where will you be permanently remembered?
It may seem like a forgone conclusion to you – but considering that fact that almost 40% of Americans today are cremated, and that of those cremated, only about half are arranging a final resting place for their cremated body – this is a concern that weighs heavily upon the minds of those arranging a funeral.
First – know your options. Is there existing cemetery property that you may have a right to use? If you are planning to be cremated – can your cremated body be placed upon an existing grave? – If you live in the Tuscarawas Valley –chances are very good that your local cemetery will permit multiple burials of cremated bodies in one grave.
There also exist columbariums – a sort of mausoleum designed specially for urns holding a cremated body.
Scattering remains an option of a small percentage of those choosing cremation locally. Discussing this option with family members and gaining consensus on the right place, and the right time to conduct a scattering ceremony is also important. You’ve read before in this column that once a person is cremated – they have the luxury of being able to be in more than one place at a time – so do not exclude the thought of being both scattered and interred in an ancestral burial plot.
Feel free to call my office at the telephone number given below to discuss these and other questions with a funeral planner. We even have special guides that can be completed the the privacy of your home, that will help answer the many questions that your family will require some day, when you won’t be here to answer the questions personally.
Brian Hanner of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in Dover and New Philadelphia, answers your questions in this bi-weekly feature. He can be reached by phoning (330) 343-5506 or by e-mail: bhanner@geibfuneral.com
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Veteran's Funeral Benefits
Q: My husband got an offer for a free grave at a local private cemetery because he is a veteran. What other benefits is he entitled to because of his service?
A: Any veteran discharged under conditions other than dishonorable, is entitled to burial in one of the national cemeteries set aside by the Department of Veteran’s Affairs.
In addition to this award, the cost of perpetual care at that cemetery, the opening and closing of the grave, and a cemetery grave liner (which holds the casket to prevent the grave from sinking) is all provided to the veteran, and his eligible spouse without cost. The local national cemetery is Western Reserve National Cemetery.
Regardless of where you choose to be buried, the Veteran’s Administration will provide a 12” by 24” bronze grave marker, a burial flag, and a Presidential Memorial Certificate, signed by the current president of the United States, to your next of kin, if requested by him or her.
Some families choosing burial at a national cemetery are eligible for reimbursement of transportation expenses. The nearest national cemetery is the Western Reserve National Cemetery in Medina County.
If a private cemetery is offering a grave space for use by your veteran, you would be wise to ask some important questions:
First, is the free grave a conditional based upon any other purchases from the cemetery? If so, it will be important to add together the costs of all or the conditional purchases to determine whether the “free grave” is indeed a good value.
Next, what if any restrictions are placed upon the marking of the grave? Is there a cost for setting the complimentary marker provided by the VA on the gravesite?
Finally, many local municipal cemeteries are subsidized by tax dollars, and therefore offer opening and closing costs that are almost half of those offered by private cemeteries.
Investigate any offering of discounts with the actual costs of similar services provided elsewhere. Make sure that your questions are fully answered, and that the complete offer is made in writing.
Enjoy the best weather our area has to offer in the coming weeks, and take time to support the young men and women in our county who have prepared all year for Tuscarawas County’s oldest tradition; the County Fair. – See you there starting next week.
Columnist Brian Hanner answers your questions in his bi-weekly editions of Ask The Director. Hanner is the Vice-President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of Dover and New Philadelphia. Send questions to Brian via e-mail at bhanner@geibfuneral.com.
A: Any veteran discharged under conditions other than dishonorable, is entitled to burial in one of the national cemeteries set aside by the Department of Veteran’s Affairs.
In addition to this award, the cost of perpetual care at that cemetery, the opening and closing of the grave, and a cemetery grave liner (which holds the casket to prevent the grave from sinking) is all provided to the veteran, and his eligible spouse without cost. The local national cemetery is Western Reserve National Cemetery.
Regardless of where you choose to be buried, the Veteran’s Administration will provide a 12” by 24” bronze grave marker, a burial flag, and a Presidential Memorial Certificate, signed by the current president of the United States, to your next of kin, if requested by him or her.
Some families choosing burial at a national cemetery are eligible for reimbursement of transportation expenses. The nearest national cemetery is the Western Reserve National Cemetery in Medina County.
If a private cemetery is offering a grave space for use by your veteran, you would be wise to ask some important questions:
First, is the free grave a conditional based upon any other purchases from the cemetery? If so, it will be important to add together the costs of all or the conditional purchases to determine whether the “free grave” is indeed a good value.
Next, what if any restrictions are placed upon the marking of the grave? Is there a cost for setting the complimentary marker provided by the VA on the gravesite?
Finally, many local municipal cemeteries are subsidized by tax dollars, and therefore offer opening and closing costs that are almost half of those offered by private cemeteries.
Investigate any offering of discounts with the actual costs of similar services provided elsewhere. Make sure that your questions are fully answered, and that the complete offer is made in writing.
Enjoy the best weather our area has to offer in the coming weeks, and take time to support the young men and women in our county who have prepared all year for Tuscarawas County’s oldest tradition; the County Fair. – See you there starting next week.
Columnist Brian Hanner answers your questions in his bi-weekly editions of Ask The Director. Hanner is the Vice-President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of Dover and New Philadelphia. Send questions to Brian via e-mail at bhanner@geibfuneral.com.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Online Condolences & How to Ensure that Your Words of Comfort are Delivered
Q: I recently left condolences online for a friend. Is there any way to ensure that my message got read by his family?
A: The answer to that question depends upon whether you left your condolence on a newspaper related site, or if you left your condolence on the funeral home’s website.
Since the mid-1990’s our funeral home website has hosted obituary information that allows those who are online to leave memories and share messages for surviving family members.
Knowing that some families we serve do not have easy access to the internet, we print and deliver a copy of the online condolences to the surviving family members about one week after funeral services have concluded.
We wait that week knowing that many people who are out of town when an obituary is published, take advantage of the online condolences to share memories and tributes.
Once the different messages are put together, they are printed on paper that is specially designed to fit into the custom guest registry that a family selects during their funeral arrangement conference.
In addition to the printed copy for families, we renew a hosting agreement annually to ensure the long term access to obituary and tribute archives.
Even if a family declines to have an obituary published in a daily newspaper, we can still take the time to publish the obituary and tribute on the funeral home’s website.
Contrast this service with Legacy.com, the world’s largest obituary hosting corporation. The business strategy is to partner with local newspapers by hosting obituaries from the newspaper online for a limited time (usually 30 days) for a small fee (this fee is usually built into the cost billed by the newspaper for the obituary).
Unfortunately, the obituary on Legacy.com is not up indefinitely, and condolences are deleted after 30 days, unless someone from the family pays almost $40 to maintain the memorial site for an additional year, or $90 for a perpetual site.
It is quite possible, unless a family is checking and individually printing the messages of condolences on the Legacy.com site, that they are being overlooked.
My advice to those who leave electronic messages of condolence, is to visit the funeral home’s website, where the message is not going to be deleted 30 days after it is posted. Instead, we intend to maintain memorial sites for many, many years.
###
A: The answer to that question depends upon whether you left your condolence on a newspaper related site, or if you left your condolence on the funeral home’s website.
Since the mid-1990’s our funeral home website has hosted obituary information that allows those who are online to leave memories and share messages for surviving family members.
Knowing that some families we serve do not have easy access to the internet, we print and deliver a copy of the online condolences to the surviving family members about one week after funeral services have concluded.
We wait that week knowing that many people who are out of town when an obituary is published, take advantage of the online condolences to share memories and tributes.
Once the different messages are put together, they are printed on paper that is specially designed to fit into the custom guest registry that a family selects during their funeral arrangement conference.
In addition to the printed copy for families, we renew a hosting agreement annually to ensure the long term access to obituary and tribute archives.
Even if a family declines to have an obituary published in a daily newspaper, we can still take the time to publish the obituary and tribute on the funeral home’s website.
Contrast this service with Legacy.com, the world’s largest obituary hosting corporation. The business strategy is to partner with local newspapers by hosting obituaries from the newspaper online for a limited time (usually 30 days) for a small fee (this fee is usually built into the cost billed by the newspaper for the obituary).
Unfortunately, the obituary on Legacy.com is not up indefinitely, and condolences are deleted after 30 days, unless someone from the family pays almost $40 to maintain the memorial site for an additional year, or $90 for a perpetual site.
It is quite possible, unless a family is checking and individually printing the messages of condolences on the Legacy.com site, that they are being overlooked.
My advice to those who leave electronic messages of condolence, is to visit the funeral home’s website, where the message is not going to be deleted 30 days after it is posted. Instead, we intend to maintain memorial sites for many, many years.
###
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Question: If you have pre planned and pre paid for your funeral...and decide you may want to change funeral homes...is it possible to make that change
Answer: This week's reader asks a question that we frequently answer on a more individual basis. Luckily, in Ohio, advance funeral planning contracts are very carefully regulated to provide the purchaser retain his or her rights, including the right to change funeral homes.
This week's reader would do well to contact the funeral provider that he or she wishes to transfer her arrangements to – and ask some important questions:
First, ask your preferred funeral director to review your present funeral pre-arrangement documents.
From this review, the preferred funeral provider should be able to provide you a written estimate of the products and services to carefully match those products and services purchased by the original funeral home.
Next, using that estimate, compare the dollar amount to the present value of the pre-paid funeral plan.
Assuming that it was properly invested, it should have posted modest growth between the time you initiated your pre-arrangement, and today.
With this comparison complete, you will know whether or not there will be any consequences to transferring your pre-paid funeral plan to your funeral plan of choice.
When serving families at Geib who transfer their arrangements from neighboring funeral homes, we provide a review of the existing pre-arrangement to client families so they can make an informed decision before changing their advance funeral plans.
Bear in mind that once a pre-paid funeral arrangement has been cancelled with a funeral home, it usually also means that any warranties or guarantees associated with that funeral home are also cancelled.
Therefore, reviewing the contract with your preferred funeral home will assure that you are minimizing any consequence. I can’t speak for other funeral providers, but I suspect that many will be more than happy to honor the warranties or guarantees provided by another for the opportunity to serve a new family.
The advice given above should be considered general, as there is no substitute for a consultation with your funeral provider of choice.
This week, our question came from one of the smart readers who have taken the time to complete and pay for an advance funeral plan. As I mentioned in the article above, Ohio’s regulation of advance funeral plans are among the most stringent in the country.
While you may read of scandal in other states, Ohio law requires the deposit of 100% of funds into life insurance or a qualified trust. The deposits are held, usually irrevocably to prevent either the depositor (you) or the funeral provider, from accessing the funds until a death certificate is provided as proof that the funeral firm completed services on behalf of the purchaser.
While about half of the families that pre-plan their services do not pre-pay for their arrangements, many of those choose to do so later in life as sooner or later the asset becomes a liability for those who require long term care in a nursing home.
Consider this a call to action if you or your family members have uncertainty about how to plan for end of life issues. We’ll take a step by step approach to advance funeral planning in our next column.
See you in two weeks!
Columnist Brian Hanner is the Vice President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover, Ohio. Hanner answers “Ask The Director” as a bi-weekly feature of The Bargain Hunter. E-mail your questions to bhanner@geibfuneral.com or visit an archive online at www.geibcares.com
This week's reader would do well to contact the funeral provider that he or she wishes to transfer her arrangements to – and ask some important questions:
First, ask your preferred funeral director to review your present funeral pre-arrangement documents.
From this review, the preferred funeral provider should be able to provide you a written estimate of the products and services to carefully match those products and services purchased by the original funeral home.
Next, using that estimate, compare the dollar amount to the present value of the pre-paid funeral plan.
Assuming that it was properly invested, it should have posted modest growth between the time you initiated your pre-arrangement, and today.
With this comparison complete, you will know whether or not there will be any consequences to transferring your pre-paid funeral plan to your funeral plan of choice.
When serving families at Geib who transfer their arrangements from neighboring funeral homes, we provide a review of the existing pre-arrangement to client families so they can make an informed decision before changing their advance funeral plans.
Bear in mind that once a pre-paid funeral arrangement has been cancelled with a funeral home, it usually also means that any warranties or guarantees associated with that funeral home are also cancelled.
Therefore, reviewing the contract with your preferred funeral home will assure that you are minimizing any consequence. I can’t speak for other funeral providers, but I suspect that many will be more than happy to honor the warranties or guarantees provided by another for the opportunity to serve a new family.
The advice given above should be considered general, as there is no substitute for a consultation with your funeral provider of choice.
This week, our question came from one of the smart readers who have taken the time to complete and pay for an advance funeral plan. As I mentioned in the article above, Ohio’s regulation of advance funeral plans are among the most stringent in the country.
While you may read of scandal in other states, Ohio law requires the deposit of 100% of funds into life insurance or a qualified trust. The deposits are held, usually irrevocably to prevent either the depositor (you) or the funeral provider, from accessing the funds until a death certificate is provided as proof that the funeral firm completed services on behalf of the purchaser.
While about half of the families that pre-plan their services do not pre-pay for their arrangements, many of those choose to do so later in life as sooner or later the asset becomes a liability for those who require long term care in a nursing home.
Consider this a call to action if you or your family members have uncertainty about how to plan for end of life issues. We’ll take a step by step approach to advance funeral planning in our next column.
See you in two weeks!
Columnist Brian Hanner is the Vice President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover, Ohio. Hanner answers “Ask The Director” as a bi-weekly feature of The Bargain Hunter. E-mail your questions to bhanner@geibfuneral.com or visit an archive online at www.geibcares.com
Monday, July 13, 2009
Choosing Pallbearers
Q: Is it okay for immediate family members to serve as pallbearers?
A: Yes – In fact, on most services in which I participate, the pallbearers are grandchildren, or nephews.
When making funeral arrangements it is helpful to begin considering who might best serve as a pallbearer.
Note that if you are pre-planning your funeral, you can honor someone by asking him or her to serve as a pallbearer, but please allow the potential pallbearer the opportunity to opt out, since we can’t very well predict the wellness of those we wish to carry us to our place of rest. – Those not physically up to the task can always be recognized as an “honorary pallbearer.”
A: Yes – In fact, on most services in which I participate, the pallbearers are grandchildren, or nephews.
When making funeral arrangements it is helpful to begin considering who might best serve as a pallbearer.
I’ve found that most sons, and sons-in-law, do not wish to serve in that capacity.
In addition to grandchildren and nephews, cousins, close friends, and co-workers, are all ideal sources for pallbearers.
We funeral directors also serve as pallbearers, and often include other members of our staff in the event family members are not able to accomplish the task.
Note that if you are pre-planning your funeral, you can honor someone by asking him or her to serve as a pallbearer, but please allow the potential pallbearer the opportunity to opt out, since we can’t very well predict the wellness of those we wish to carry us to our place of rest. – Those not physically up to the task can always be recognized as an “honorary pallbearer.”
Thursday, July 9, 2009
29 Geib Staff Members Earn CPR and AED certification
Wednesday evening, 29 Geib staff members were certified in CPR and how to use an Automated External Defibrillator (AED) purchased by the Geib Funeral Homes.
The AED is a device that analyzes the heart's electical rhythm and, if necessary, prompts you to deliver a shock to a person experiencing sudden cardiac arrest.
"We thank Geib for stepping up and helping to make our community safer by obtaining an AED and taking CPR training," said American Red Cross director Chad Conrad. "It's all about saving lives right here. Red Cross would be happy to work with anyone interested in AEDs or safety trainings."
The Geib staff encourages any local business to consider purchasing an AED and to become certified in CPR. A cardiac patient's damage to the brain and heart is measured in seconds and minutes. Having this knowledge and an AED can save a person's life!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Clergy Honorariums
This week, we apporach a topic asked many times in the course of serving families:
Q: What is an appropriate gift to give a minister for conducting a funeral service?
A: The answer to this question varies with several factors. First, there are some religious organizations that have a set amount. If this is the case, your funeral director can advise you of the usual and customary amount for your church.
Next, while some clergy members donate any honorarium to a church memorial find, others use such a gift to help defray living expenses. One minister told me years ago, that his earnings from weddings and funerals went to help get school clothes for his young boys.
The average honorarium paid to a minister today is one hundred dollars. Many families give a larger gift, especially if a clergy member has made many trips to out of town hospitals, or has gone above and beyond the call of a minister to aid the family.
Most of the time, a funeral director will hand deliver an honorarium on behalf of the family to the minister, at the time of the service. At Geib, we use a check to provide a record of the payment. This method of payment can also be helpful if your minister is like me, and sends his suit to the drycleaner with items still in the pockets. We can always re-issue a check, but can’t replace a cash gift.
Q: What is an appropriate gift to give a minister for conducting a funeral service?
A: The answer to this question varies with several factors. First, there are some religious organizations that have a set amount. If this is the case, your funeral director can advise you of the usual and customary amount for your church.
Next, while some clergy members donate any honorarium to a church memorial find, others use such a gift to help defray living expenses. One minister told me years ago, that his earnings from weddings and funerals went to help get school clothes for his young boys.
The average honorarium paid to a minister today is one hundred dollars. Many families give a larger gift, especially if a clergy member has made many trips to out of town hospitals, or has gone above and beyond the call of a minister to aid the family.
Most of the time, a funeral director will hand deliver an honorarium on behalf of the family to the minister, at the time of the service. At Geib, we use a check to provide a record of the payment. This method of payment can also be helpful if your minister is like me, and sends his suit to the drycleaner with items still in the pockets. We can always re-issue a check, but can’t replace a cash gift.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Remembering a Star of our Own
You’ve undoubtedly watched or read about the high profile deaths of Hollywood “stars.”
One passing of a star that occurred this week went without media coverage. 37 year-old Brian Schaar, whose story was featured two weeks ago on the front page of The Bargain Hunter, passed away last Saturday, only hours before a community-wide fundraiser was set to begin to help his family with medical expenses.
Schaar was the type of man whom many enjoyed knowing. Many of his colleagues reported that Brian brought a lot of character to his work.
Aside from that work ethic, Brian will be remembered as one of the fathers who took time to coach his son’s little league team. If you were anywhere near the fundraiser at the Strasburg Fire Station last Saturday, as I was, his reputation, his following among others in our community, could not be lost upon you.
Parking was almost non-existent, and the only thing harder to find than a place to leave the car, was an empty seat at the benefit, which in itself, is more telling of the affection and regard so many people held for this man than the most eloquent of eulogies.
The world needs more people like Brian Schaar.
Heaven must have needed more too.
Share condolences with his family and read Schaar's complete obituary at http://www.geibcares.com - click on condolences, then on Brian's profile.
One passing of a star that occurred this week went without media coverage. 37 year-old Brian Schaar, whose story was featured two weeks ago on the front page of The Bargain Hunter, passed away last Saturday, only hours before a community-wide fundraiser was set to begin to help his family with medical expenses.
Schaar was the type of man whom many enjoyed knowing. Many of his colleagues reported that Brian brought a lot of character to his work.
Aside from that work ethic, Brian will be remembered as one of the fathers who took time to coach his son’s little league team. If you were anywhere near the fundraiser at the Strasburg Fire Station last Saturday, as I was, his reputation, his following among others in our community, could not be lost upon you.
Parking was almost non-existent, and the only thing harder to find than a place to leave the car, was an empty seat at the benefit, which in itself, is more telling of the affection and regard so many people held for this man than the most eloquent of eulogies.
The world needs more people like Brian Schaar.
Heaven must have needed more too.
Share condolences with his family and read Schaar's complete obituary at http://www.geibcares.com - click on condolences, then on Brian's profile.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Radio Show Listeners Comment on Funeral Etiquette
It started innocently enough. About four times a year, I am called to be a guest on Dial & Speak – an hour long talk radio show on radio station WBTC.
On this particular day in early June, a caller to the program asked whether a funeral director could intervene when a person was taking too much time talking to the family of the deceased at visitation. The caller explained that he had been behind more than one “long talker” and described conversation far beyond the scope of offering meaningful condolences.
Honestly, I’d never been asked at a visitation to help “speed up the line” as the caller suggested, but I have stood in lines that seemingly would never end. With that call, the floodgates opened and more calls began to come in – suggestions, situations, and strange stories… and the necessity of this column to sort out the details was born.
Nearly two years ago, I shared with readers a few suggestions that were scribbled on a note and passed to me following a funeral. The author of the note had made a few observations about the behavior of other guests, and thought I would be wise to share her observations:
“Tell them not to chew gum” she began - noting that there were guests who had chomped on gum during the prayer.
“Check your coat when you come in, and not over the back of your chair for it to drip on my purse.” she quipped in the second statement. Many funeral directors strongly agree. Furnishing a funeral home is no small expense, and to funeral directors, watching wet coats soak furniture is akin to scratching fingernails on a chalkboard.
Another caller to the radio show mentioned the use of cell phones, and his experience of watching someone “text” while standing in the visitation line. I am a fan of technology. I believe that when properly used, technology actually brings us closer together. Still though, there are moments when technology seems out of place. The caller was spot on – a visitation or funeral ceremony deserves the complete attention of guests, and to the greatest extent possible, cell phones and pagers should be silenced and put away.
Interestingly, more and more families are using their phones as cameras too – which allows them to take snapshots at funerals as never before. It is not uncommon for a few family members to use their phones and take pictures of a military graveside service. Again – technology can bring us closer together. Having awareness of where technology is welcome and where it interferes is the key.
The final caller of the day inquired about a dress code for a funeral home. Of course there is no dress code for members of the public to attend visitation. While we’re far from “no shirt / no shoes / no service” – the caller did remark that many people were not dressing up like they did in days gone by. – Call it a sign of the times, but personally, this columnist just glad that people still show up to pay respects at visitation.
Remember that with many families not hosting extended visitations as they once did (2-4 and 7-9 were staples for decades) that many guests are now attending visitations having come directly from their workplace, a sporting event, or other obligation. We’ve even had a group of Red Hatters attend a visitation in full regalia - a really fitting tribute since the daughter of the gentleman who died was a member of the group.
In the weeks since the radio show, there has been plenty of comment on the topic of funeral etiquette. Webster’s dictionary defines etiquette as “the conduct or procedure required or prescribed by authority to be observed in social life.” With school out for the summer, why not be an authority to the younger members of your family, and stress the importance of making a good impression when in social settings.
Etiquette will not be on the “big test” that kidders take at school, so don’t count on it to come from the classroom. Good etiquette will open doors to many opportunities for your youngster to show off his or her knowledge.
Whether at a visitation or service it is your presence or the presence of a young member of your family that will leave a lasting impression… it is up to you to ensure that the impression is a meaningful one.
Brian Hanner is the Vice President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover, Ohio. Hanner answers “Ask The Director” as a bi-weekly feature of The Bargain Hunter. E-mail your questions to bhanner@geibfuneral.com or visit an archive online at www.geibcares.com
On this particular day in early June, a caller to the program asked whether a funeral director could intervene when a person was taking too much time talking to the family of the deceased at visitation. The caller explained that he had been behind more than one “long talker” and described conversation far beyond the scope of offering meaningful condolences.
Honestly, I’d never been asked at a visitation to help “speed up the line” as the caller suggested, but I have stood in lines that seemingly would never end. With that call, the floodgates opened and more calls began to come in – suggestions, situations, and strange stories… and the necessity of this column to sort out the details was born.
Nearly two years ago, I shared with readers a few suggestions that were scribbled on a note and passed to me following a funeral. The author of the note had made a few observations about the behavior of other guests, and thought I would be wise to share her observations:
“Tell them not to chew gum” she began - noting that there were guests who had chomped on gum during the prayer.
“Check your coat when you come in, and not over the back of your chair for it to drip on my purse.” she quipped in the second statement. Many funeral directors strongly agree. Furnishing a funeral home is no small expense, and to funeral directors, watching wet coats soak furniture is akin to scratching fingernails on a chalkboard.
Another caller to the radio show mentioned the use of cell phones, and his experience of watching someone “text” while standing in the visitation line. I am a fan of technology. I believe that when properly used, technology actually brings us closer together. Still though, there are moments when technology seems out of place. The caller was spot on – a visitation or funeral ceremony deserves the complete attention of guests, and to the greatest extent possible, cell phones and pagers should be silenced and put away.
Interestingly, more and more families are using their phones as cameras too – which allows them to take snapshots at funerals as never before. It is not uncommon for a few family members to use their phones and take pictures of a military graveside service. Again – technology can bring us closer together. Having awareness of where technology is welcome and where it interferes is the key.
The final caller of the day inquired about a dress code for a funeral home. Of course there is no dress code for members of the public to attend visitation. While we’re far from “no shirt / no shoes / no service” – the caller did remark that many people were not dressing up like they did in days gone by. – Call it a sign of the times, but personally, this columnist just glad that people still show up to pay respects at visitation.
Remember that with many families not hosting extended visitations as they once did (2-4 and 7-9 were staples for decades) that many guests are now attending visitations having come directly from their workplace, a sporting event, or other obligation. We’ve even had a group of Red Hatters attend a visitation in full regalia - a really fitting tribute since the daughter of the gentleman who died was a member of the group.
In the weeks since the radio show, there has been plenty of comment on the topic of funeral etiquette. Webster’s dictionary defines etiquette as “the conduct or procedure required or prescribed by authority to be observed in social life.” With school out for the summer, why not be an authority to the younger members of your family, and stress the importance of making a good impression when in social settings.
Etiquette will not be on the “big test” that kidders take at school, so don’t count on it to come from the classroom. Good etiquette will open doors to many opportunities for your youngster to show off his or her knowledge.
Whether at a visitation or service it is your presence or the presence of a young member of your family that will leave a lasting impression… it is up to you to ensure that the impression is a meaningful one.
Brian Hanner is the Vice President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover, Ohio. Hanner answers “Ask The Director” as a bi-weekly feature of The Bargain Hunter. E-mail your questions to bhanner@geibfuneral.com or visit an archive online at www.geibcares.com
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Retiring Reader Relocates... but with questions
A regular reader recently wrote with an important question. She is retiring this summer and relocating to South Carolina. It seems that her mother is making the move with her, but intends on having her funeral and burial in Pennsylvania. The reader is trying to sort out how to best plan for her mother’s needs upon her death. She turned to Ask The Director for advice.
I suggested that she contact her funeral director in Pennsylvania. She can review with the PA funeral director, any special needs or requirements for burial in her mother’s hometown.
Once our relocating reader has an idea of the costs and services that will be required in PA, she can either allow that funeral director to select a funeral home in South Carolina, or go about choosing a funeral provider once she gets acclimated to the area.
I believe that our reader would be best served by allowing the PA funeral director time to contact the funeral homes in SC. As an expert in the funeral profession, I can personally attest to learning a lot by simply calling different funeral homes and asking the same questions of several funeral providers.
The reader will have to decide whether or not there will be any services in SC before her mother is transferred to the PA funeral home. Since our retiring reader will be relatively new to the area, it may not be necessary, but if her mother gets integrated into the community and enjoys the easy living of the Carolina’s, she may want to consider a farewell service if she’s made many new friends in her new environment.
While the needs of each family are unique, if you find yourself confronted with the death of a family member away from home, here are few suggestions for your consideration:
•Contact your funeral director in the city where services will be held. Your director will make arrangements with a local funeral home to transfer your loved one into their care and arrange for embalming if the remains are to be transported to an out of state funeral home.
•If you have a preference for a specific funeral home to take care of initial transfer and care details, you should express that wish, otherwise your receiving funeral director will contact the funeral homes in the locality where death occurred to decide which funeral director best aligns with their standard of care.
•In consultation with your funeral director, you will decide which mode of transportation is most appropriate. Normally, funeral directors will arrange to drive your loved one if the destination is less than 250 or 300 miles. Once that mileage is exceeded it can be more cost effective to fly the decedent home using a commercial airline.
•If any viewing or services take place prior to your loved one being transported home, you will need to plan on purchasing a casket from the funeral provider out of town. If no services are planned, that selection can be made at home, as it is often less expensive to ship a decedent without the weight of a casket, especially on an aircraft.
•Resist the temptation to set visitation or service times at the receiving funeral home until your loved one is in the care of the receiving funeral home. (This is especially critical if the mode of transportation is by air, as unexpected delays can cause missed flights). Imagine having a visitation and funeral without the person who died because of a weather delay in Chicago or Atlanta -. It has happened – and only distracts a family from the important tasks of grieving.
•Know that it is always okay to call a time-out. That is, ask for clarification, or an alternative to arrangements that may not be to you satisfaction. Those of us who have chosen the profession of funeral service, really do put the needs and comfort of our guests first.
We wish the best to our retiring reader, here and in South Carolina.
See you this weekend at the American Cancer Society Relay for Life. The survivor lap steps off at 6PM at Dover’s Crater Stadium. We’re chairing the Luminary Service that gets underway at about 9:30 (after dark) Friday. I hope you will join us in the fight against cancer and remember with us those lives cut short because of the terrible disease.
Columnist Brian Hanner answers Ask The Director – a biweekly feature of The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is the Vice President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover. His e-mail address is: bhanner@geibfuneral.com
I suggested that she contact her funeral director in Pennsylvania. She can review with the PA funeral director, any special needs or requirements for burial in her mother’s hometown.
Once our relocating reader has an idea of the costs and services that will be required in PA, she can either allow that funeral director to select a funeral home in South Carolina, or go about choosing a funeral provider once she gets acclimated to the area.
I believe that our reader would be best served by allowing the PA funeral director time to contact the funeral homes in SC. As an expert in the funeral profession, I can personally attest to learning a lot by simply calling different funeral homes and asking the same questions of several funeral providers.
The reader will have to decide whether or not there will be any services in SC before her mother is transferred to the PA funeral home. Since our retiring reader will be relatively new to the area, it may not be necessary, but if her mother gets integrated into the community and enjoys the easy living of the Carolina’s, she may want to consider a farewell service if she’s made many new friends in her new environment.
While the needs of each family are unique, if you find yourself confronted with the death of a family member away from home, here are few suggestions for your consideration:
•Contact your funeral director in the city where services will be held. Your director will make arrangements with a local funeral home to transfer your loved one into their care and arrange for embalming if the remains are to be transported to an out of state funeral home.
•If you have a preference for a specific funeral home to take care of initial transfer and care details, you should express that wish, otherwise your receiving funeral director will contact the funeral homes in the locality where death occurred to decide which funeral director best aligns with their standard of care.
•In consultation with your funeral director, you will decide which mode of transportation is most appropriate. Normally, funeral directors will arrange to drive your loved one if the destination is less than 250 or 300 miles. Once that mileage is exceeded it can be more cost effective to fly the decedent home using a commercial airline.
•If any viewing or services take place prior to your loved one being transported home, you will need to plan on purchasing a casket from the funeral provider out of town. If no services are planned, that selection can be made at home, as it is often less expensive to ship a decedent without the weight of a casket, especially on an aircraft.
•Resist the temptation to set visitation or service times at the receiving funeral home until your loved one is in the care of the receiving funeral home. (This is especially critical if the mode of transportation is by air, as unexpected delays can cause missed flights). Imagine having a visitation and funeral without the person who died because of a weather delay in Chicago or Atlanta -. It has happened – and only distracts a family from the important tasks of grieving.
•Know that it is always okay to call a time-out. That is, ask for clarification, or an alternative to arrangements that may not be to you satisfaction. Those of us who have chosen the profession of funeral service, really do put the needs and comfort of our guests first.
We wish the best to our retiring reader, here and in South Carolina.
See you this weekend at the American Cancer Society Relay for Life. The survivor lap steps off at 6PM at Dover’s Crater Stadium. We’re chairing the Luminary Service that gets underway at about 9:30 (after dark) Friday. I hope you will join us in the fight against cancer and remember with us those lives cut short because of the terrible disease.
Columnist Brian Hanner answers Ask The Director – a biweekly feature of The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is the Vice President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover. His e-mail address is: bhanner@geibfuneral.com
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Seven Steps For A Meaningful Memorial Day 2009
1 Visit a veteran's grave. It isn't difficult to spot them this time of year.
Thousands of flags and bronze flag holders prominently mark the graves of veterans who have served in every branch of service from the revolutionary war to the present War on Terror. You may find it especially meaningful to visit a special section in a cemetery set aside for veterans who have passed away in the line of duty.
New Philadelphia's Historic Fair Avenue Cemetery is the final resting place for at least one veteran from every conflict between the Revolutionary War to the Vietnam Conflict.
2 Repair the area around a veteran's grave. Pulling weeds, clearing wintertime debris, and even washing the marker with a vinegar and water solution that can dissolve grime and bird droppings will be a sign of your appreciation for the sacrifice veterans have made in serving our country.
3 Fly an American Flag – properly, on Memorial Day. The flag of the United States is to be flown from sunrise until noon at half-staff, and at noon, it is to be elevated to full-staff. The symbolism of positioning the flag at half-staff reminds all of us of the price we have paid for freedom, and raising the flag to full-staff reminds us that the glory is found in rising again, from every affliction.
4 Make a contribution to a worthy charity or organization dedicated to memorializing those who have died in service to our country. There are many, but a favorite of mine is The American Gold-Star Mothers Association.
This is an organization for mothers of soldiers killed in action that began during World War I, when the practice of hanging a gold star in the front window was used to signify the sacrifice made by the household in the war effort. Today, the organization raises awareness and provides due recognition to the families who have experienced a service related loss.
Join me in sending them a contribution. Their address is: 2128 Leroy Place, NW, Washington, DC, 20008.
5 Participate in the National Moment of Remembrance, now held annually at 3PM local time. First declared in May, 2000 by President Clinton, to voluntarily and informally observe in your own way a Moment of Remembrance and Respect, pausing from whatever they are doing for a moment of silence or listening to Taps.
6 Better yet, attend one of numerous community observances of Memorial Day, conducted under the leadership of our local veteran's organizations. The ceremony held on the grounds of the courthouse at New Philadelphia is particularly meaningful.
Feel free to park your car in the nearby Geib Funeral Home & Crematory lot. Doing so will keep the parking on the streets open for disabled patriots who want to see the event from their vehicle.
7 Bring a friend, or family member along with you to any of the above activities. Involving another person, especially a younger person helps to spread the flame of patriotism. Without your teaching and leadership, young people may not see the more meaningful side of the first three-day weekend of the season.
Finally, many readers know that I have a much younger half-brother, named Paul. (I was one of those kids who required double the parenting, so when I was little, my mom and dad doubled up. Paul was born to my step-mother and my dad when I was about 14.)
This week, Paul is graduating from Newcomerstown High School and is the president of his class. He's forgoing the typical summer off, and entering the basic training for the United States Marine Corps on Monday, June 8.
For all of the proud parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters of our young leaders entering the military, we say thanks. The bravery, and patriotism demonstrated by these young men and women honor those who have gone before, and inspire those looking up to you. – And for Paul… well, he couldn't have a brother more proud. Semper Fi
Columnist Brian Hanner is the vice-president and general manager of the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers in New Philadelphia and Dover. Share comments or feedback with Brian by e-mail at bhanner@geibfuneral.com.
(photo courtesy of flickr user cindi47452)
Monday, April 6, 2009
What Does Easter Mean To You?
We pause this week from our typical "Ask The Director" format to share a timely Pastor's Perspective.
We welcome the Rev. Dr. Steve Bailey, Senior Pastor of First United Methodist Church at New Philadelphia. Dr. Bailey shared this message with his congregation in the April edition of the church newsletter.
I thought it was excellent reading, especially given its focus upon the moments in our life when the hope and promise of Easter is most relevant.
We'll return to the question and answer format next week – but for now, I hope you enjoy the message Dr. Bailey shares as much as we did at Geib. ~ Brian & Family
What Does Easter Mean To You?
My answer has changed throughout my life. As a child, it meant candy and spending an extra long day at church. During my teenage years, it often meant being part of a “sunrise” service that usually was only attended by the parents of the participants.
In college, it began to mean more, as I studied the Gospels and learned the details in greater detail. As a pastor since 1985, it has meant trying to convey one of the most important parts of our message in a 15-20 minute sermon.
You might be surprised to learn that many pastors don’t especially like preaching Easter sermons. It is nice to see everyone, but there is an impossible task. The reason for that is that is simple: we can’t really express the fullness of what Christ did in 20 minutes or less.
Maybe that is why so many of us who are disciples try to prepare for Easter, and observe the tradition of Lent. We need time to let what Jesus did for us sink in, ricochet around in our minds, and reach a deeper level in our souls.
The times that the significance of Easter becomes so real for me, are those moments when a family gathers to say their final goodbyes to a loved one. Of all the experiences that are a part of life, losing someone you love to death is one of the most crushing.
I’ve often seen a person who shared 50, 60, even 70 years as the husband or wife of the deceased; suddenly alone and without their companion and closest friend. I’ve seen parents who have been completely devastated by the death of a child. I’ve seen life long friends shed tears at the side of a casket. I’ve been in the room when the doctor broke the news of death.
These moments hurt. They are the darkest moments. They are real and inescapable. They will happen in my life and yours. These are the moments, when the resurrection of Jesus and the promises he made to us, reach their full meaning. These are the moments when knowing that Jesus loved your friend and loves you, make all of the difference. The pain is real and overwhelming, but knowing that this is not the end, matters more than words can say.
Love leaves us with more than death can take away. The cross could not silence Jesus. Death is a shadow that will fall across your path, but it cannot hold you. Shadows have no power. And we know that like Christ, we too shall also rise to new and eternal life.
On Easter Sunday, there are a lot of distractions. Flowers, family, meals, and other activities can all get in our way. But when your world is destroyed and your dreams broken, the meaning of the resurrection is unspeakably important.
Someday, my body will stop working. I don’t know when, where, or why. On that day, the greatest gift that I have given to Marcy, my daughters, and my friends will simply be this: I believe in the resurrection and in eternal life. Jesus is my friend whom I trust completely. My life will not cease when my body fails. My life will become much more than it has ever been. I will make a new home and I will live for the day of reunion with them.
You don’t come to that conviction after a 20 minute spiritual pitch, no matter how eloquent the speaker might be. You come to that conviction by digging deep, journeying with Christ, and trusting his wisdom to guide you. Real faith is a life long process.
This Easter, I hope that I preach a sermon worthy of the day. But more than that, I hope that you truly grapple with the significance of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection – and what that means for you. And with Christ as your friend, I hope that you have a sense of peace and confidence and hope in him. I do.
Faithfully yours,
Dr. Steve Bailey
Dr. Bailey leads two worship services each Sunday at First United Methodist Church, 201 West High Avenue. A contemporary service, with drama and modern music begins at 8:30 in J.I.M.'s Place, adjacent to the church, and a popular traditional service at 10:45 in the church sanctuary. Share feedback with Dr. Bailey at pastorumc@aol.com. This and an archive of Ask The Director Columns are available online at www.geibcares.com
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The Yeah Buts & What If's of Ohio's Right of Disposition Law
Last week’s column focusing upon Ohio’s disposition law has spawned a number of follow-up questions. Here’s a brief refresher:
In Ohio, a deceased body of a becomes the property of one of two parties:
The deceased’s next of kin – ordinarily in an order that begins with a surviving spouse, or in the absence of a legally married survivor, adult children born to the deceased, and succeeding through grandchildren, and even “relatives of the same degree of kinship that are decedents of the decedent’s grandparents” - a fancy way of saying “cousins”.
The second party is known as the “designated representative” appointed by the person who died, while still of sound mind, to carry out funeral, burial and cremation arrangements upon his or her death.
Interestingly, the authority of the designated representative to carry out disposition actually supersedes all descendents in executing final arrangements.
The questions I received this week had to do with limitations of this authority.
Read on.
Q: How can a person that is not related actually have a say over funeral or disposition arrangements?
Ohio lawmakers provided this special category of “designated representative” to allow for unmarried couples to appoint one another, in a capacity not unlike a power of attorney that is used prior to death. Because power of attorney ceases at death, lawmakers saw fit to create this special representative capacity to accommodate this situation.
Such an appointment is also helpful when there are multiple individuals who together share the same priority for exercising the right of disposition. In such an instance, a designated representative can provide clarity, and thereby avoid conflict between family members.
Q: Why don’t we just appoint our funeral director to do this since he’ll be the one we’ve asked to follow our pre-arrangement contract?
When the law was written, it precluded funeral directors, cemetery staff or other death care professionals from serving as a designated representative for anyone other than a person related by blood or marriage to a funeral director.
Q: I hold power of attorney papers for my mom. Can I appoint myself to serve as the representative upon her death?
A: Ohio law only permits a person of sound mind to designate a representative for disposition. Therefore, a person holding a power of attorney for another person, is not able to legally execute the designation.
Q: What if the person I appoint as my representative does not follow my wishes?
A: You should only appoint a person who you can trust to follow your wishes. I recommend that on the declaration form, that you specify that the representative you appoint should follow the instructions you have pre-arranged.
Q: Can we appoint more than one representative?
A: You may appoint as many representatives as you desire, but it essentially defeats the purpose of having one sole spokesperson for your wishes. A better idea would be to appoint one person as the designated representative, and other people as successor representatives – meaning that they would serve as representative only if the designated representative declined, or became ineligible to serve in that capacity.
If you have completed an advance funeral plan, we strongly encourage you to designate a representative to see that your wishes are followed. The Geib Family & Staff provide declaration or representative documents and complimentary notary services. Please contact my office at the number below for immediate attention.
Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is the Vice-President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e-mail at: bhanner@geibcares.com
In Ohio, a deceased body of a becomes the property of one of two parties:
The deceased’s next of kin – ordinarily in an order that begins with a surviving spouse, or in the absence of a legally married survivor, adult children born to the deceased, and succeeding through grandchildren, and even “relatives of the same degree of kinship that are decedents of the decedent’s grandparents” - a fancy way of saying “cousins”.
The second party is known as the “designated representative” appointed by the person who died, while still of sound mind, to carry out funeral, burial and cremation arrangements upon his or her death.
Interestingly, the authority of the designated representative to carry out disposition actually supersedes all descendents in executing final arrangements.
The questions I received this week had to do with limitations of this authority.
Read on.
Q: How can a person that is not related actually have a say over funeral or disposition arrangements?
Ohio lawmakers provided this special category of “designated representative” to allow for unmarried couples to appoint one another, in a capacity not unlike a power of attorney that is used prior to death. Because power of attorney ceases at death, lawmakers saw fit to create this special representative capacity to accommodate this situation.
Such an appointment is also helpful when there are multiple individuals who together share the same priority for exercising the right of disposition. In such an instance, a designated representative can provide clarity, and thereby avoid conflict between family members.
Q: Why don’t we just appoint our funeral director to do this since he’ll be the one we’ve asked to follow our pre-arrangement contract?
When the law was written, it precluded funeral directors, cemetery staff or other death care professionals from serving as a designated representative for anyone other than a person related by blood or marriage to a funeral director.
Q: I hold power of attorney papers for my mom. Can I appoint myself to serve as the representative upon her death?
A: Ohio law only permits a person of sound mind to designate a representative for disposition. Therefore, a person holding a power of attorney for another person, is not able to legally execute the designation.
Q: What if the person I appoint as my representative does not follow my wishes?
A: You should only appoint a person who you can trust to follow your wishes. I recommend that on the declaration form, that you specify that the representative you appoint should follow the instructions you have pre-arranged.
Q: Can we appoint more than one representative?
A: You may appoint as many representatives as you desire, but it essentially defeats the purpose of having one sole spokesperson for your wishes. A better idea would be to appoint one person as the designated representative, and other people as successor representatives – meaning that they would serve as representative only if the designated representative declined, or became ineligible to serve in that capacity.
If you have completed an advance funeral plan, we strongly encourage you to designate a representative to see that your wishes are followed. The Geib Family & Staff provide declaration or representative documents and complimentary notary services. Please contact my office at the number below for immediate attention.
Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is the Vice-President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e-mail at: bhanner@geibcares.com
Monday, March 16, 2009
American Cancer Society Back in Bloom with Daffodil Days
The American Cancer Society is holding its annual fundraiser, known as Daffodil Days, today through Friday, March 20th.
For as long as I can remember, this sale of fresh-cut daffodils has been a welcome and well-received sign of spring.
Again this year, daffodils are for sale from both the Dover Geib Funeral Center and the Linn-Hert-Geib Funeral Home & Crematory at New Philadelphia.
Please consider supporting ACS by picking up a bouquet of daffodils for a donation of just $10.00
For a gift of $25.00 or greater, a special, limited edition "Boyd's Bear" (shown above)stuffed animal will be given, in addition to a regular bouquet of flowers. The 2009 limited edition bear is known as Carry R. Hope.
This 10-inch plush, oatmeal colored bear is holding a denim Daffodil Days tote.
As with previous Bear and a Bunch offerings, Carrie also has an embroidered daffodil on one paw and the American Cancer Society logo on the other.
The daffodils are available exclusively at Geib Funeral Homes while supplies last (through Friday) beginning today from 8AM – 5PM in our New Philadelphia location, and from 9AM-5PM from our Dover Geib Funeral Center.
For as long as I can remember, this sale of fresh-cut daffodils has been a welcome and well-received sign of spring.
Again this year, daffodils are for sale from both the Dover Geib Funeral Center and the Linn-Hert-Geib Funeral Home & Crematory at New Philadelphia.
Please consider supporting ACS by picking up a bouquet of daffodils for a donation of just $10.00
For a gift of $25.00 or greater, a special, limited edition "Boyd's Bear" (shown above)stuffed animal will be given, in addition to a regular bouquet of flowers. The 2009 limited edition bear is known as Carry R. Hope.
This 10-inch plush, oatmeal colored bear is holding a denim Daffodil Days tote.
As with previous Bear and a Bunch offerings, Carrie also has an embroidered daffodil on one paw and the American Cancer Society logo on the other.
The daffodils are available exclusively at Geib Funeral Homes while supplies last (through Friday) beginning today from 8AM – 5PM in our New Philadelphia location, and from 9AM-5PM from our Dover Geib Funeral Center.
American Cancer Society - Back in Bloom with Daffodil Days
Bear and a Bunch
This year’s Boyds exclusive, limited-edition bear for the 2009 Bear and a Bunch campaign is Carrie R. Hope, a 10-inch plush, oatmeal colored bear holding a denim Daffodil Days tote. As with previous Bear and a Bunch offerings, Carrie also has an embroidered daffodil on one paw and the American Cancer Society logo on the other. The bear will be offered along with 10 fresh-cut daffodils for a suggested donation of $25.00.
This year’s Boyds exclusive, limited-edition bear for the 2009 Bear and a Bunch campaign is Carrie R. Hope, a 10-inch plush, oatmeal colored bear holding a denim Daffodil Days tote. As with previous Bear and a Bunch offerings, Carrie also has an embroidered daffodil on one paw and the American Cancer Society logo on the other. The bear will be offered along with 10 fresh-cut daffodils for a suggested donation of $25.00.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Questions about funeral pre-planning contracts answered.
A reader recently wrote “A close friend of my recently died, having very specific wishes regarding her funeral arrangements already on file with a signed pre arrangement contract from her funeral home.” "Unfortunately," she continued, “her children and their spouses did not honor her wishes and instead did what they wanted.” Is this legal? How can this be stopped?
A: Please accept my sympathy in the passing of your friend. I suspect that it is difficult for you to know that she had specific instructions and even painful to know that they were not carried out as she would have wanted. Please allow me to offer some thoughts on this topic.
Ohio law permits a person to pre-arrange their funerals with a funeral home. When a pre-arrangement is paid for, a contract is signed, between the individual making funeral arrangements, the funeral home, and usually a trust or insurance company, which, as a third-party, will hold the pre-payment of a funeral account, until fulfilled by the funeral home.
While the language of contracts vary from provider to provider, Ohio law, since 2006, has required that such a pre-paid funeral contract disclose that upon the death, a person holding the right of disposition of the remains of the deceased will have the right to make funeral arrangements inconsistent with the arrangements set forth in a pre-arranged contract.
How can this be?
– In Ohio, once a person passes away, their body becomes the quasi-property of his or her next of kin, or, alternately, a person previously designated by the deceased to carry out the wishes of the deceased. While this representative is almost always the next-of-kin, complications and estrangements within families do require that a person appointed by the deceased, carry out funeral arrangements, superseding the rights of immediate family members.
If you are unsure that your wishes will be carried out as specified in a funeral pre-arrangement, I strongly suggest that you consider appointing a person who will honor your wishes to serve as your representative upon death. This designation of a representative is not unlike the power of attorney designation, except that the powers-of-attorney cease upon death, and the powers of a representative do not begin until death occurs.
Anyone, regardless of where their pre-arrangement is filed, may contact my office for a complimentary Declaration of Representative for Disposition form. Since it is a legal document, either a Notary Public, or two unrelated people must witness your signature on such a document. We provide the document, and notary services, without cost.
To insist that arrangements on file with your funeral home are to be followed, I encourage you to state that preferences regarding funeral arrangements are on file with “X” funeral home, and that a person accepting an appointment as a representative for your disposition follow those written wishes. Since this notation is part of a legal document, it can be used to overcome any challenges upon death.
While such a conflict is somewhat rare, it is more prevalent today than at any other time in recent history. Taking the steps today to ensure that your wishes are followed is strongly encouraged.
###
On a personal note…
Anne and I wish to share our appreciation to the many readers who sent cards, shared words of comfort, and generally made our lives, and the lives of the Geib family much more bearable in the days since Rich Geib’s passing.
We will never find the right words to properly acknowledge all of the kindness we’ve received. Our prayer is that God will make us worthy of our friends, and of your continued goodwill.
Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is the Vice-President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e-mail at: bhanner@geibcares.com
A: Please accept my sympathy in the passing of your friend. I suspect that it is difficult for you to know that she had specific instructions and even painful to know that they were not carried out as she would have wanted. Please allow me to offer some thoughts on this topic.
Ohio law permits a person to pre-arrange their funerals with a funeral home. When a pre-arrangement is paid for, a contract is signed, between the individual making funeral arrangements, the funeral home, and usually a trust or insurance company, which, as a third-party, will hold the pre-payment of a funeral account, until fulfilled by the funeral home.
While the language of contracts vary from provider to provider, Ohio law, since 2006, has required that such a pre-paid funeral contract disclose that upon the death, a person holding the right of disposition of the remains of the deceased will have the right to make funeral arrangements inconsistent with the arrangements set forth in a pre-arranged contract.
How can this be?
– In Ohio, once a person passes away, their body becomes the quasi-property of his or her next of kin, or, alternately, a person previously designated by the deceased to carry out the wishes of the deceased. While this representative is almost always the next-of-kin, complications and estrangements within families do require that a person appointed by the deceased, carry out funeral arrangements, superseding the rights of immediate family members.
If you are unsure that your wishes will be carried out as specified in a funeral pre-arrangement, I strongly suggest that you consider appointing a person who will honor your wishes to serve as your representative upon death. This designation of a representative is not unlike the power of attorney designation, except that the powers-of-attorney cease upon death, and the powers of a representative do not begin until death occurs.
Anyone, regardless of where their pre-arrangement is filed, may contact my office for a complimentary Declaration of Representative for Disposition form. Since it is a legal document, either a Notary Public, or two unrelated people must witness your signature on such a document. We provide the document, and notary services, without cost.
To insist that arrangements on file with your funeral home are to be followed, I encourage you to state that preferences regarding funeral arrangements are on file with “X” funeral home, and that a person accepting an appointment as a representative for your disposition follow those written wishes. Since this notation is part of a legal document, it can be used to overcome any challenges upon death.
While such a conflict is somewhat rare, it is more prevalent today than at any other time in recent history. Taking the steps today to ensure that your wishes are followed is strongly encouraged.
###
On a personal note…
Anne and I wish to share our appreciation to the many readers who sent cards, shared words of comfort, and generally made our lives, and the lives of the Geib family much more bearable in the days since Rich Geib’s passing.
We will never find the right words to properly acknowledge all of the kindness we’ve received. Our prayer is that God will make us worthy of our friends, and of your continued goodwill.
Columnist Brian Hanner answers “Ask The Director” bi-weekly in The Bargain Hunter. Hanner is the Vice-President of Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories & Remembrance Centers at New Philadelphia and Dover. He can be reached by calling 330-343-5506 or by e-mail at: bhanner@geibcares.com
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About Me
- Brian Hanner
- New Philadelphia, Ohio, United States
- This blog exists to serve families and those seeking information regarding funeral service as it relates to the services of the Geib Funeral Homes, Crematories and Remembrance Centers of New Philadelphia and Dover, Ohio. Visit us online at www.geibcares.com
